Dorothy: Being right-handed, I would slash from left to right. But from the fact that the murder weapon was dropped to the left of the victim, we can deduce that the murderer is left-handed. Notice that Gloria, like most left-handed people, wears her wristwatch on her right wrist. I think it is painfully clear that Philip and Gloria both planned murders, and each meant to pin it on the other. They knew that the lights would be turned off when the cake appeared because that happens every year. Coincidence? Ha! Siblings often think alike.
Marlowe: You've given us a who, a how and a "Ha." But what about why? What's the motive?
Dorothy: When a 22-year-old marries an 88-year-old, chances are she's not after his body.

Dorothy: You're not helping, Rose. It's almost as though you believe Blanche is guilty.
Rose: Well, she lied about my earrings, and she took them. I mean, deceit, then theft. Isn't murder the next logical step?
Dorothy: St. Olaf, right?

Posey: You want a motive? I'll give you a motive. That woman gave Kendall her room key. I saw her do it. Her plan was to seduce him to insure that she would win the job as his assistant. Then she got the other key to the room from that woman there. She- She rushed up to the room. She tore off her clothes.
Sophia: That's Velcro. It just gives the illusion of a tear.
Posey: She flung her dress on the bed. She slipped into a negligee and awaited her prey. What she didn't realize was the reason that Kendall went to her room, the reason Kendall ordered the champagne, was to let her down easy. He'd already promised the job to me. And the reason he went to her room, rather than having her come to his, was that I was sharing his room.
Blanche: Slut!
Posey: When Kendall told her the truth, she flew into a jealous rage. She plunged the steak knife into his chest. That tramp murdered my lover!
Dorothy: I know Blanche Devereaux, Lieutenant, and this tramp is incapable of committing murder.

Dorothy: Ma, as you know, Stan's been having difficulty making it on his own. Dr. Halperin believes that you can help him in his struggle to separate from me.
Sophia: Sure I can. Stay away from my daughter or I'll have your legs broken.
Dorothy: Ma, will you try to be serious? I mean, where are you going to get the $400? Just a rough guess.

Dorothy: Ma, she makes me crazy. She's always putting down my way of life, my- my choice of career. She's never been there for me when I've needed her. Never. And all she ever talks about is how much money she has.
Sophia: Dorothy, there's upsetting news. She's broke. She invested all her money in junk bonds, and now she's broke.
Dorothy: She has no money?
Sophia: Not a dime.
Dorothy: Yes!

Dorothy: Oh, Ma, what time does Gloria's plane get in?
Sophia: Oh, she's not taking a plane.
Dorothy: Not taking a plane? Well, that's impossible. I mean, how else would she- Oh, no. Oh, no. You mean... A bus?
Sophia: She took the bus from California.
Dorothy: Yes!

Sophia: All right, knock it off. That's probably her. Now, you said you'd be nice. And don't mention she's broke.
Dorothy: Oh, Ma, now why would I do that? She's my sister. Besides, I want to hear it from her mouth.

Stan: Come on, Dorothy, we better get going. After our session, I have an important dinner meeting with some investors.
Dorothy: Oh, my God, Stan, you're not taking your monkey, are you?
Stan: Please, they are Japanese investors. The last thing I would do would be to offend them. She'll be at a separate table with the other wives.

Dr. Halperin: Sorry for the interruptions, but I think every 80-year-old in the city has gone berserk.
Stan: Hey, what can you say? There are some sick people out there. Uh, by the way, uh, will my monkey be okay on my lap, or should I get a chair?
Dorothy: I have a place for your monkey, Stan.

Dorothy: Gloria, hello. We were just talking about you. How are you?
Gloria: [sobbing]
Rose: Oh, nice going, Dorothy.
Dorothy: I asked her how she was doing. I mean, it's not as if I mentioned her dead husband. [all sobbing]