Blanche: Sophia, remember, we swore we don't tell anybody.
Sophia: Not even Dorothy? I think I owe it to her, it was her money.
Blanche: Nobody. I just couldn't stand the humiliation. You want the world to know that a perfect stranger tricked us out of $2,000?
Sophia: OK, OK. I won't tell anybody. You don't have to worry about me, Blanche. No one will get a word out of me. I swear on my uncle Guido's grave.
[cut to:]
Sophia: Then the guy gave us the envelope with his money, our money, and the found money in it. Blanche and I went to open the joint account and when the teller opened the envelope, there were just scraps of paper in it. I don't remember any more. That's all you're gonna get from me, no matter how many times you hit me.
Blanche: Sophia, what about your uncle Guido?
Sophia: He's fine. I got a postcard from him this morning.

Rose: You two were victims of the oldest confidence game going, the pigeon drop.
Blanche: But he just seemed so honest.
Rose: Well, that's why it's called a confidence game. He has to win your confidence or you wouldn't put up the money.
Sophia: It wasn't his idea. The nun suggested it.
Rose: She was part of the team. They always work in pairs.
Sophia: I don't know what the church is coming to. I thought it stopped with bingo.

Blanche: I just got off the phone with Sergeant Delfino of the bunko squad. He says they picked up two people who matched the description we gave 'em. They want us to come down tomorrow and pick out nuns from a lineup.
Rose: That must make you feel proud.
Blanche: Well, now, that's what Sergeant Delfino said. "Why, you must feel proud knowing that by having come forth as you have, you have possibly saved other oldsters from a similar rip-off." He called me an oldster. I called him a pig. We're having dinner on Saturday.

Blanche: Can I tell her? Glen asked Dorothy to marry him.
Rose: Do it. Oh, marry him, Dorothy. Even if you have to sign one of those prenatal agreements.

Dorothy: [answering phone] Hello. Oh, look. I'm sorry, I'm going to have to interrupt. I'm sure this is a very worthy cause, but to be perfectly frank, at this moment, I couldn't give a flying fig about whooping cranes. No, I have to keep the line free. Fine. I'll send you a check. Hold it, let me grab a pencil. OK. Whooping Cranes Box 1990, Newcastle, Louisiana, got it. Glad I could help. Bye-bye.

Rose: I had the strangest dream last night. I was at a baseball game. Charlie Brown was pitching and Schroeder was behind the plate. And Lucy and Snoopy were in the outfield and they wouldn't let me play. When I woke up I was crying. What do you suppose it all means?
Dorothy: Peanuts envy?

Rose: Stay away from him.
Blanche: See him.
Rose: Keep some self-respect.
Blanche: Self-respect is for losers like Rose.
Rose: Well, sure. You'd have some great times and some fabulous sex, but is that worth your self-respect?
Dorothy: Not now, loser.

Blanche: What did he say?
Dorothy: He said he had something important to talk about.
Blanche: Oh, that's my favorite lie.

Sophia: Dorothy, you'll be sorry.
Dorothy: Ma, come on. We liked each other. He's a funny, warm, giving man. He made me laugh. I am seeing him.
Sophia: All right. Go ahead, meet your adulterer, but remember you were brought up a lady. Keep both your feet on the floor.

Dorothy: I'd go better change. Blanche, what should I wear?
Blanche: Well, if you're gonna keep both feet on the floor something you can pull off over your head.