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‘Cheaters’ Quotes

The Golden Girls: Cheaters

522. Cheaters

Aired March 24, 1990

Dorothy receives a call from Glen, the married man she had an affair with years earlier. Meanwhile, Blanche and Sophia fall victim to a confidence trick at the at the mall.

Quote from Rose

Rose: The reason these confidence men don't get caught is because people are embarrassed to come forward and admit they were conned.
Blanche: I'm sorry, Rose. I just can't.
Rose: Well, perhaps this little story might make you change your mind. Back in St. Olaf there was a shepherd boy who tended his flock on the hill above the town. A wolf kept coming down and stealing his sheep, but the boy never caught him doing it. Because he never saw it happening, he became known around St. Olaf as the boy who didn't cry wolf. Anyway, one day the townspeople heard the boy on the hill yelling, "Wolf, Wolf. " Well, they all figured, if the boy never cried wolf when the wolf was there, if he yelled wolf now, it stood to reason the wolf wasn't there.
Sophia: Boy, nothing gets by you people.
Rose: Damn straight. It was a bear. A huge, ferocious, grizzly bear.
Blanche: What happened to the boy?
Rose: He became known as the boy who cried continuously.

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Quote from Sophia

Dorothy: Ma, what do you think I should do?
Sophia: No one can help you with that decision, Dorothy. I can't tell you what to do. I mean, I won't be around forever. I'd like to know there was someone here to love you and take care of you like you take care of me. Maybe he could give you a bigger allowance. I mean, it's nice now and then to buy something that's not generic. You know what I'm saying, Dorothy?
Dorothy: Yes, Ma. And it's nice, you saying you love me and you care.
Sophia: No. I'm saying buy genuine Q-Tips. If I'm gonna put a stick in my ear, I'd like a little cotton at the end.

Quote from Sophia

Dorothy: Look, I'm not proud of what I did, but it didn't seem so bad at the time. He was trapped in a bad marriage.
Sophia: There's no such thing as being trapped in a marriage. In this country you can get divorced. In Sicily there was no divorce. If you wanted to end a marriage, you had to resort to the lupara.
Rose: Is that some kind of legal loophole?
Sophia: It's some kind of sawed-off shotgun.

Quote from Dorothy

Dorothy: Oh, God, this is gonna be awful.
Glen: I'm looking forward to this. I mean, you meet the mother, it gives you a pretty good idea what the daughter's gonna look like in 30 years.
Dorothy: Only if you lock me in the drier.

Quote from Rose

Rose: That was no nun. I work for a consumer protection show. We've been warning people about this for months. Once these scamsters have your money in an envelope, they make a switch and you wind up with worthless paper. They prey on the old and the gullible.
Blanche: Are you calling me gullible?
Rose: No.

Quote from Blanche

Dorothy: Hey, you got home pretty late last night. When I went to bed you still weren't in.
Blanche: I was up all night with Mel Bushman, having one of our "where is this relationship going?" talks.
Dorothy: And where is it going?
Blanche: Where it usually goes, room 506 at the Quality Court. Oh, I hate him. God, if only he didn't wanna talk.

Quote from Sophia

Dorothy: [answering phone] Hello. Oh, hi. Yes, I heard you called. What a pleasant surprise. Well I'm pretty sure I can make it. Just let me check my book. I seem to be clear.
Sophia: He must have asked her out this century.

Quote from Sophia

Sophia: I don't care what that salesgirl said. I looked good in that bathing suit. You know, sometimes I wish I did live in Brazil.

Quote from Sophia

Sophia: Hold it. In the meantime, who's gonna keep the money? I don't know you well enough to trust you. And her I know. So we got a problem.

Quote from Sophia

Blanche: Sophia, I just don't know.
Sophia: Oh, come on. Dorothy's bank is right over there. She lets me draw on her account. If he's honest enough to put up his money, we should be willing to do the same.
Blanche: I guess it seems fair.
Mr. Kane: OK. Great. Let's go.
Blanche: Now,Sophia. Remember, found money is supposed to be spent on something frivolous, something you would never buy for yourself.
Sophia: What are you gonna get? Underwear?

Quote from Sophia

Blanche: Sophia, remember, we swore we don't tell anybody.
Sophia: Not even Dorothy? I think I owe it to her, it was her money.
Blanche: Nobody. I just couldn't stand the humiliation. You want the world to know that a perfect stranger tricked us out of $2,000?
Sophia: OK, OK. I won't tell anybody. You don't have to worry about me, Blanche. No one will get a word out of me. I swear on my uncle Guido's grave.
[cut to:]
Sophia: Then the guy gave us the envelope with his money, our money, and the found money in it. Blanche and I went to open the joint account and when the teller opened the envelope, there were just scraps of paper in it. I don't remember any more. That's all you're gonna get from me, no matter how many times you hit me.
Blanche: Sophia, what about your uncle Guido?
Sophia: He's fine. I got a postcard from him this morning.

Quote from Sophia

Rose: You two were victims of the oldest confidence game going, the pigeon drop.
Blanche: But he just seemed so honest.
Rose: Well, that's why it's called a confidence game. He has to win your confidence or you wouldn't put up the money.
Sophia: It wasn't his idea. The nun suggested it.
Rose: She was part of the team. They always work in pairs.
Sophia: I don't know what the church is coming to. I thought it stopped with bingo.

Quote from Blanche

Blanche: I just got off the phone with Sergeant Delfino of the bunko squad. He says they picked up two people who matched the description we gave 'em. They want us to come down tomorrow and pick out nuns from a lineup.
Rose: That must make you feel proud.
Blanche: Well, now, that's what Sergeant Delfino said. "Why, you must feel proud knowing that by having come forth as you have, you have possibly saved other oldsters from a similar rip-off." He called me an oldster. I called him a pig. We're having dinner on Saturday.

Quote from Rose

Blanche: Can I tell her? Glen asked Dorothy to marry him.
Rose: Do it. Oh, marry him, Dorothy. Even if you have to sign one of those prenatal agreements.


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