Dorothy: I'm calling the hospital.
Stan: Dorothy, this guy is good. He's probably the most learned, respected, important neurologist in the state of Florida.
Blanche: How'd you ever meet a man like that?
Stan: We were judges at a wet T-shirt contest.
Dorothy: I'm calling the hospital.

Stan: No, Dorothy, stop. I really feel like this is all my fault. That's why I'm getting him, he's the best. And I'm gonna pay for him.
Rose: You, paying for something?!
Stan: What are you saying, I'm cheap?
Dorothy: Well, of course she's saying you're cheap. You're the only man I know who owns a timeshare dog.

Dorothy: I cannot believe that you asked this man to examine my mother!
Blanche: That's one doctor whose bedside manner I have no interest in.
Dorothy: We definitely need a second opinion.
Rose: I wouldn't go to bed with him either, Dorothy.

Dorothy: How're you feeling, Ma?
Sophia: No improvement.
Dorothy: I'm sorry. By the way, you're wearing your knee brace on your neck.

Dorothy: Oh! Oh! Oh, Ma, I feel dizzy! Oh, there's a pain going up my arm! My chest! Ma! [doorbell]
Sophia: Will you answer the door, please?
Dorothy: Ma, it's my heart! My heart! Run into the kitchen and get help!
Sophia: Who am I, Lassie? Next you'll order me into a burning barn!

Dorothy: Stanley, you're not gonna get away with this. I know you're just doing it for the settlement.
Stan: What makes you think I'm not doing it out of love for Sophia?
Dorothy: Because you are a liar, a cheat and a scuzzball.
Stan: Sure, dwell on the negative!

Woman in Wheelchair: That's a lovely chair.
Sophia: Oh, thank you.
Woman in Wheelchair: Oh, I'd give anything for an electric wheelchair. I kist don't have the strength to push this like I used to.
Sophia: Oh, that's too bad. Look, if things go well, I'll give you this chair in a couple of weeks.
Woman in Wheelchair: Oh, I wish I had your positive attitude. The doctors told me it'd be a waste of time.
Sophia: Doctors! What do they know? They spend twenty-years in medical school, they still don't know enough to warm their hands before they do a breast exam.

Sophia: What I did was wrong. I feel humiliated in the presence of you courageous people. I offer you my heartfelt sympathies.
Woman in Wheelchair: Well, what do you say, everybody? Shall we forgive her? [murmurs of agreement as everyone rips off their casts]
Dorothy: Ma, Stanley, I'd like you to meet some of the actors from the community theater. They'll be performing Cats next month.
Sophia: And the kid, is he an actor too?
Woman in Wheelchair: Yes. Maybe you've seen him in the Burger City commercial.
Sophia: Are you the boy who jumps for joy when you get two burgers for the price of one? You stunk!

Dorothy: Are you ever gonna talk to me again?
Sophia: Dorothy, what you did was a mean, dirty, underhanded trick.
Dorothy: I had no choice. It was like The Exorcist, I was battling Stan for your soul.

Rose: Well, I'm off to rehearsal. It's such a nice day, I think I'll walk.
Dorothy: Like that?!
Rose: No, I'll probably take longer strides when I get to the sidewalk. Bye. [exits]
Dorothy: I meant- I meant her costume. People are gonna think she's nuts.
Sophia: They think she's nuts anyway. This'll confirm it. [dog barking]
Rose: [entering] Help! Help! Let me in! Help! Help! Help!
Sophia: Rose is in big trouble. That's Dreyfus, it took two guys to pry him off the Steinbergs' plastic flamingos.