[flashback:]
Mr. Ha Ha: The parade's over! Let's hear it for all the birthday boys and girls! But the fun's just about to begin. Because now it's time for your Ha Ha hot fudge cake! Free to all my birthday boys and girls. Only $1.98 to the rest of my little friends.
Dorothy: No, thank you. I've had enough.
Mr. Ha Ha: Oh! I think we have a cranky birthday girl! You see, kids, when you get a little older, you can get a little cranky. And when you get to be as old as Dorothy, well, you can be a real pain in the Ha Ha. So, Dorothy, why don't you just lighten up, enjoy your hot fudge cake and make a wish, OK? Come on, kids. Make a wish and blow out the candles. I hope everybody gets what they wished for.
Dorothy: Do you really, Mr. Ha Ha?
Mr. Ha Ha: Dorothy, if I were you, I'd put the cake down. You see, Mr. Music's brother is Mr. Lawyer. Besides, that's not a very adult thing to do. You're right. I can't do it.
Bobby: Mr. Ha Ha?
Mr. Ha Ha: Yes, Bobby?
[Bobby hits Mr. Ha Ha in the face with his fudge cake]
Bobby: Happy birthday, Dorothy.

Sophia: ...and a pinch of baking soda.
Dorothy: Ma, that looked like an awfully big pinch.
Sophia: Who cares? [drinks rum]
Rose: Sophia, maybe you should sit down.
Sophia: I am sitting.

[flashback:]
Salvadore: [o.s.] Fine! If that's the way you feel! Sophia, I'm staying right here!
Sophia: Fine! Stay there forever, you big Bacciagaloop! I curse the day I ever met you!
Salvadore: [o.s.] Doubled!

[flashback:]
Dorothy: Pop, enough! Come out of the bedroom now!
Salvadore: [o.s.] Not while she's there. She hit me.
Dorothy: Ma!
Sophia: With a piece of bread.
Salvadore: [o.s.] Five days old! It was like a jack handle!
Sophia: He deserved it after the way he wished me a happy 50th birthday.
Dorothy: Ma, what are you talking about? You're 48.
Sophia: That's what I thought. Until last night, during Your Show Of Shows, when he hands me some papers he found in the hall closet. He tells me they made a mistake on my birth certificate when I came into this country and I'm actually 50.
Dorothy: So what's the difference? You're 50.
Sophia: What's the difference? I gave that man the best years of my life and he just stole two more!

[flashback:]
Sophia: I've never been so depressed in all my life.
Dorothy: Oh, Ma, it doesn't mean anything. 50 is just a number.
Sophia: You don't understand, Dorothy. I always had plans, dreams, things I wanted to accomplish by the time I was 50.
Dorothy: What kind of dreams?
Sophia: Well for one thing, I always wanted to be a ballerina.
Salvadore: [o.s.] Please! With those legs?
Sophia: Come on out, Salvadore, I've got more bread waiting for you!

[flashback:]
Sophia: Salvadore, open the door. We have a birthday party to go to. [exits]
Dorothy: ... Ma! Pop, come on. You'll be late for the party.
Sophia: [o.s.] Er, we'll be there in about an hour, Dorothy. ... Oh, Salvadore! ... Dorothy, er, make that two hours!
Dorothy: Wow. Happy birthday, Ma.

Sophia: Actually, we never got to the party at all.
Dorothy: There were a lot of disappointed people that night.
Sophia: Well, I wasn't one of them. Neither was your father, if memory serves me correctly.

[flashback:]
Rose: Blanche, what's wrong?
Blanche: Nothing. I want to take a bath and forget about today.
Rose: Oh, OK.
Blanche: No, girls, I know we haven't lived together very long, but when I come home mad and say nothing's wrong, you have to draw what's wrong out of me.
Dorothy: Blanche, what's wrong?
Blanche: Nothing.
Dorothy: OK.
Blanche: Oh, all right, quit badgering me.

[flashback:]
Blanche: I didn't want to tell you this, but today's my birthday.
Rose: Today's your birthday, Blanche? Today? Dorothy, did you hear that? Today is Blanche's birthday.
Blanche: And I hate birthdays.
Rose: And she hates birthdays.
Blanche: The only thing I hate worse than birthdays is surprise parties. What did I get when I walked into work today? A surprise birthday party. Oh, I was so upset I almost threw up.
Rose: Did you hear that, Dorothy? Surprise parties make Blanche want to throw up.

[flashback:]
Sophia: Hi, Blanche.
Blanche: Sophia, what are you doing here?
Sophia: I'm here for your surprise birthday party.
Blanche: My what? What? You didn't.
Dorothy: Of course we didn't. Ma, there's no party. Maybe I should take you home.
Sophia: Who am I Frances Farmer? I know what I saw. There's a party out there!