[flashback:]
Rose: Isn't this fun? Dorothy, you haven't even touched your Mr. Ha Ha dog.
Dorothy: You're right. [splat] There, I touched it.
Rose: You're not having any fun, are you, Dorothy?
Dorothy: Oh, am I that transparent?
Rose: You're the one who always complains that her birthday parties are dull and boring. When I saw Mr. Ha Ha's advertised on television, it looked like fun.
Dorothy: For a five-year-old, Rose. Or someone who thinks like one!

[flashback:]
Mr. Ha Ha: Are you Dorothy Zbornak?
Dorothy: That's right.
Mr. Ha Ha: Get up on stage, Dorothy!
Dorothy: Get bent, Ha Ha!
Mr. Ha Ha: Come on, kids. Let's give Dorothy a great big Ha Ha cheer!
Children: Ha Ha!
Mr. Ha Ha: Dorothy! Dorothy! Dorothy! Dorothy! Dorothy! Dorothy! Dorothy! Dorothy! Dorothy! Dorothy! Dorothy! Dorothy! Dorothy! Dorothy! [applause] Well, it says here on my Ha Ha birthday list that Bobby is seven, Jeannie is nine, and Dorothy is...
Dorothy: I'll punch your heart out, Ha Ha.
Mr. Ha Ha: Dorothy is the oldest! And, as the oldest, you get to lead the birthday parade! Here is your parade leader's hat. Mr. Music, if you please.
Dorothy: Don't prolong this. I know what car you drive, Ha Ha.

Blanche: How's the cake coming, Sophia?
Sophia: Beautiful. I got everything. Coconut, eggs, unbleached flour, rum.
Rose: Oh, you making a rum cake?
Sophia: No.

Rose: Gee, I love to bake. Back in St. Olaf, I always baked our birthday cakes. Charlie loved 'em. I remember the last cake I baked in St. Olaf. It was kinda different.
[flashback: In St. Olaf, Rose places a birthday cake she just prepared on the kitchen table, lights it and then leaves the room. She then returns.]
Rose: [talking to herself] Oh, my birthday! I completely forgot! Well, I'd better make a wish and blow out those candles before Mr. Hickenlooper has the volunteer fire brigade up here pumping water on my clean kitchen floor. I swear, that man will look for any excuse to make that siren sound through his nose. [light snort] Inga Lundqvist told me just this last week I know. Shut up, Rose, and blow out your candles. OK. A wish. I guess that was kind of a silly wish. I know you can't really be here with me, Charlie. It's taken me these past eight months to accept that, but I finally have. Then why our usual little private birthday celebration? It somehow feels less Ionely, Charlie. I mean, this is the first special day I've had to spend without you. If it had been Christmas, I'd probably have hung your stocking. Or if it had been your birthday, I probably would have still asked the clerk down at Tuttles to help me pick out a tie for you. Oh, I bet that would have gotten me some strange looks from the sales staff. Although they already look at me strangely. Because of the time I tried to special-order a double-breasted navy suit with a drop-seat in the pants for cousin Wendell. Anyway, that was part of the reason. The other part was I wanted to talk to you. I know. I didn't need a special occasion for that. It would be more of an occasion if I stopped talking. But I I figured since it was my birthday, you wouldn't be upset when you hear what I've got to tell you. I've decided to sell the house and leave St. Olaf, Charlie. The winters are rough here in Minnesota. And this place is too filled with memories to let me get on with my life. I need to start over without you, Charlie. And I think this is the best way. I know it'll be tough in a strange town all alone. But I've read some wonderful things about Miami. It won't be long before I meet nice people and make some new friends. I have a real good feeling about that. So I just wanted you to know what I decided. I hope to be in Florida before the next winter comes. But I know that wherever I am, you'll be right there with me. I love you, Charlie. I miss you. It's my birthday!
[Rose blows out the candles]
You know the rules. I get the rose.

[flashback:]
Dorothy: Ma, I've got news for you. I don't think it would have been any easier for you to break into the ballet at 48.
Sophia: That's not the point. I'd still have two more years to dream. I can't believe it. I'm 50! I'm an old lady who hasn't accomplished a thing in life.
Dorothy: You haven't accomplished a thing? You raised three kids during the Depression and always managed to have food on the table. You held down two jobs as far back as I can remember, but somehow you were always there when we needed you. You got me through four years of college, by helping pay for it, but also by encouraging me when I felt like giving up. Do you want me to go on, Ma? Because we could be here all night.
Sophia: Enough, already. Ralph Edwards makes less of a fuss over people.

[flashback:]
Dorothy: Hi, Rose, I picked up Blanche's birthday cake. What are you doing?
Rose: Decorating Blanche's cake. There, it's finished.
Dorothy: I told you I would pick up the cake.
Rose: Oh, I know, but back where I come from, most people won't eat store-bought.
Dorothy: Rose, where you come from, most people live in windmills and make love to polka music.
Rose: Stop it, Dorothy, you're making me homesick.

[flashback:]
Rose: Blanche, I guess we made a mistake.
Dorothy: Honey, look, we'll cancel the party. We'll send everybody home and we'll forget that the whole thing ever happened.
Sophia: Yo, everybody! The party's off. They want us out. But you're all welcome to come back to my place. If someone can tell me where it is.

Dorothy: Wait, where's the cake? Rose, did you take it out?
Rose: I haven't even seen it yet.
Dorothy: Ma, what did you do with the cake?
Sophia: I didn't do anything. I haven't seen it yet, either.
Dorothy: What do you mean you haven't seen it? You were supposed to bake it!
Sophia: I was?
Dorothy: Oh, Ma! You forgot!
Sophia: I didn't forget. I wanted to make sure it was fresh. I'll bake it now.
Blanche: Oh, honey, Roberta is going to be here in 45 minutes. I don't think you have time to bake a cake.
Sophia: 45 minutes! In 45 minutes, I can bake two cakes and knit you a sweater! Out of my way. The maestro approaches the podium.

[flashback:]
Dorothy: Rose, I don't hate you! I'm really having fun. It's just that it took me a little while to get into the spirit of things.
Rose: Seriously?
Dorothy: Oh, yes. Both Blanche and I are having a lot of fun. Aren't we, Blanche?
Blanche: Well, who wouldn't have fun eating a foot-Iong Mr. Ha Ha dog? And drinking a 32-ounce...
Rose: Cherry Burpy. If you drink three of them, you get to keep Mr. Ha Ha's hat.
Dorothy: If you drink three, you should get to keep Mr. Ha Ha's kidney.

[flashback:]
Mr. Ha Ha: Guess who's back?
Children: [and Rose] Mr. Ha Ha!
Mr. Ha Ha: That's right! Now it's time for the Mr. Ha Ha birthday roundup! When I call your name, please come up on stage. Bobby Spina!
Dorothy: Please say you didn't do this, Rose.
Mr. Ha Ha: Jeannie Taylor!
Dorothy: Please tell me you didn't.
Mr. Ha Ha: Dorothy Zbornak! Dorothy Zbornak!
Blanche: [as Dorothy rings Rose's neck] Dorothy, stop that! You're making a fool of yourself. Mr. Ha Ha's looking at you.