Previous Episode Next Episode 

‘Empty Nests’ Quotes

The Golden Girls: Empty Nests

226. Empty Nests

Aired May 16, 1987

The girls help their neighbor, Renee, with her marital problems after all her kids have left for college, in this early backdoor pilot for Empty Nest.

Quote from Rose

Blanche: I wish Mr. Fix-It would come back and finish working on that dishwasher. The dishes are piling up like crazy.
Dorothy: Well, you know, Blanche, we could wash them. I mean, before dishwashers, people didn't just eat and wipe the dishes on their pants.
Rose: I used to love washing dishes. In Minnesota, the whole family would get together and wash dishes. Even Uncle Gustaf, after the giant Swiss army knife accident, learned to dry dishes with his feet. We used to laugh and carry on and have such a happy time.

Rate

Quote from Blanche

Blanche: I knew you shouldn't have gone to Columbia University. It's in New York City, for heaven's sake. A subway runs right through it. You want to go to college where there are green lawns and willow trees and young men in chinos and ties. And professors with just a touch of gray at the temple. Wise, learned men who look up your skirt if you're sitting in the first row. Meetings with them so they can explain Plato. And they lean over your books with you and you can smell their pipe tobacco and their maleness. Then their arm accidentally brushes against your bosoms and the room is filled with the heat of a taboo lust.

Quote from Sophia

Sophia: In Sicily, we had a guy with a multiple personality. Only, they didn't get along. And one personality put out a contract on the other. You should have seen it, he had a shoot-out with himself in the piazza. He winged a priest, a waiter and shot down the Cinzano sign. Fortunately, he was able to beat himself senseless before anyone else got hurt.

Quote from Sophia

Sophia: What is it with you people? All you had was happy times? It's sickening. Happy times freezing in the cold, happy times during the locust invasion, happy times eating reindeer. How about death? Did you have happy times then?
Rose: Well, yes, actually, we did. It was a chance to get together and remember other happy times.
Sophia: She's beginning to get to me.

Quote from Sophia

Sophia: In Sicily, we used to wash our dishes in the river.
Dorothy: [doorbell] I hope that's Mr. Fix-It.
Sophia: We used to beat them against the rocks.
Blanche: No, Sophia. You used to beat the clothes on the rocks, not the dishes.
Sophia: No wonder they broke.

Quote from Sophia

Renee: George was on call all weekend. Three heart attacks, a stroke, two aneurysms and a spastic colon.
Sophia: Sounds like a guy I play checkers with.

Quote from Blanche

Blanche: I never had that empty-nest depression. I couldn't wait for my kids to get out on their own. I got depressed watching them grow older 'cause it meant I was getting older. They were like noisy little calendars.
The minute they all entered high school, I told everybody they were my husband's from a previous marriage.
Dorothy: And you wonder why they're in therapy.

Quote from Sophia

Sophia: Listen, last week I left him a stool sample. If I can talk to him about that, you can say you're Ionely.

Quote from Rose

Sophia: It's called the empty-nest syndrome. When I had it, I didn't know what it was. I was just very depressed.
By the time I figured out what it was, I was gonna tell Charlie, but he died that night. I was so full of grief about Charlie, I forgot to be depressed about the empty nest.

Quote from Rose

Renee: Maybe I should go into therapy. At 2am, waiting for George to come home, I called a radio talk show with a solution to the Middle East crisis.
Rose: Giving the Palestinians Greenland?
Renee: You heard it?
Rose: I didn't know that was you. You were great.
Dorothy: Giving the Palestinians Greenland?
Renee: It's a big place. Nobody uses it.
Dorothy: You would take a desert people and put them in ice and snow?
Rose: With the proper clothes, they'll be fine.

Quote from Sophia

Renee: Blanche, at the hospital they call him St. George. I'm married to a saint and I tell him to work less because I'm Ionely?
Sophia: Don't you think St. Francis of Assisi's wife had a similar problem? Don't you think she said, "Frank, enough donkeys"?

Quote from Rose

Dorothy: Come on, a movie will cheer you up.
Renee: What are you seeing?
Blanche: Nightmare On Elm Street 4.
Rose: Do you have to have seen 1, 2 and 3 to appreciate it?
Dorothy: No, Rose, it stands alone.

Quote from Dorothy

Jenny: Well, I went there to be with my boyfriend, but when I got there I found he was practically living with somebody else. He'd replaced me.
Rose: With what?
Dorothy: A hand puppet, Rose.

Quote from Sophia

Jenny: He met a thin, blonde goddess. One of those girls who has everything, you know. Looks, money, brains, a body, and now my boyfriend.
Blanche: Honey, I've been in that position more than once.
Sophia: You've been in every position more than once.
Jenny: My position?
Blanche: Oh, goodness, no. The goddess' position. We have our problems, too.
Dorothy: Especially when the goddess is now twice the size she used to be.

Quote from Sophia

Dorothy: And, honey, the loss of your first love is the worst, the very worst.
Rose: Oh, I know. I remember mine.
Sophia: It was probably a cow.
Rose: How on earth did you know that, Sophia?
Sophia: Wild guess.

Quote from Blanche

Renee: It's happened to all of us, sweetheart, and we've all survived.
Blanche: Never happened to me.
Dorothy: Oh, come on, Blanche. What, you were never rejected?
Blanche: Well, once. But just once.
Jenny: By who?
Blanche: Weight Watchers for being too thin.

Quote from Rose

Rose: I couldn't go to another doctor.
Renee: See?
Rose: George is the only man to ever see me naked.
Blanche: Get outta here.
Rose: Well, except for Charlie, of course.
Blanche: Get outta here.
Rose: And the vet.
Dorothy: The vet?
Rose: Our prize hen, Henrietta, had some kind of a chicken disease or something. I don't exactly know what it was.
Dorothy: Chickenpox.
Rose: No, I don't think so. Anyway, I had an earache, so he saw us both at the same time.
Dorothy: For that you got naked?
Rose: I thought that was strange, too.

Quote from Blanche

Dorothy: Mine was Larry Raganetti. Oh, how I loved him. He was gorgeous. He left me for Cookie Kelly. She kissed with her mouth open.
Blanche: Well why didn't you kiss with your mouth open, Dorothy?
Dorothy: I was eight.
Blanche: So?


 Episode 225 Episode 301 
  Select another episode