Erica: Oh... no.
Geoff: What is it, my grumpy peach? Are you hungry?
Erica: I think my water just broke.
Geoff: Are you sure? I mean, the floor is already covered in... I don't really want to know.
Erica: Yes, I'm sure, Geoff! It's happening!
Geoff: Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

Erica: I cannot have Doogie Howser's younger brother deliver our baby!
Geoff: Okay, I'll go find another doctor who might be more unlike a child.
Erica: And also I need my mom.
Geoff: Ooh, here's the thing about that.
Erica: Why is there a thing about that?
Geoff: Remember when you told me to plan this baby moon and you didn't want her to be a part of it? I did something to ensure that she wouldn't be around.
Erica: Oh, Geoff, so help me, if you killed my mom...
Geoff: No, but I may have indicated that we were going to the beach house.
Erica: You sent her an hour in the other direction?
Geoff: Possibly. And also yes.
Erica: Get her here! Now!
Geoff: On it, my demanding flower.

Adult Adam: [v.o.] As my mom was gonna teach Geoff a lesson, Opposite Uncle School was in session.
Marvin: Compadres, I am going to teach you how to be the greatest uncles in the world. Are you ready?
Barry: Hell yes!
Adam: You know it!
Marvin: I gotta check out these scratchers first. Lesson number one Uncle-ing happens on your time.
Adam: "On our time." Got it.
Marvin: Damn it! I was three cherries away, man! Three!

Marvin: Most uncle-ing happens around the margins. [sniffs] Baby's first R-rated movie? [fingers snap] That's where you come in. Baby needs a diaper change? [fingers snap] That's where you go out. You getting all this?
Barry: "Be the worst." Got it.

Marvin: Okay, let's recap. If the kid's birthday is April 10th, when should your card arrive?
Barry: Never.
Adam: Cards are a gateway to gifts.
Marvin: And now you know all the knowledge known to man. Why does your notepad say "opposite"?
Barry: Uh... Uh... Uh...
Marvin: "Never do the following."
Adam: Geez, Bar! You could have been a bit more savvy with your note-taking.
Marvin: Did you two come here to learn how not to be uncles?
Barry: Uncle Marvin, it's nothing personal. We think you're the greatest.
Adam: You're super fun, like our own Uncle Buck. Except, you know, not exactly a model of reliability and follow-through.
Marvin: So I'm a joke. A dope. A screw-up.
Adam: See? He gets it.

Beverly: Well, thank you for trying, boys. You did good. Unlike Geoffrey.
Adam: Oh, don't be so hard on him, Mama.
Barry: Yeah, that nervous nerd means well.
Beverly: Oh, I will be plenty hard on him. He made me miss the birth of my grandchild and future best friend!

Adult Adam: [v.o.] It wasn't a good plan, but fortunately, we didn't need it.
Barry: Marvin?
Marvin: How's it going?
Beverly: What are you doing here?
Marvin: I'm rescuing my family. Was I cool? It sounded cool. [laughs] Let's ride! We got a baby to meet! Hah! That was really fun to say.
Barry: You saved us, Uncle Marvin!
Marvin: I know. I'm trying to be a better uncle. How about I go to the hospital with you guys?
Adam: We'd love that!
Barry: For sure!
Adult Adam: Sure, he may have been a screw-up like Uncle Buck, but that night, Uncle Marvin was a hero, and not a moment too soon.