Coach Mellor: As you know, it is strictly against school policy to allow students to fight on school property.
Adam: Oh, thank God.
Coach Mellor: Which is why I'm allowing your brother here to start an official after-school karate club.
Adam: What?
Barry: Look, I already signed you up.
Adam: I thought you were going to save me.
Barry: I am, by letting the other Adam Goldberg kick your ass in a loving, controlled, school-sanctioned environment monitored by our most lenient teacher.

Other Adam Goldberg: Karate club, huh? Too afraid to fight me on the streets?
Adam: Yes! I've mentioned that several times.
Other Adam Goldberg: Then I'll beat you down on the mat, even though we both know you'll wuss out. Friday. I'm kicking butts and taking names. Literally.

Marvin: What the hell? Is it Thanksgiving already?
Barry: No. You've got a new student.
Adam: Uncle Marvin is your sensei?
Barry: Hai! Will you train the lazy-eyed one, master?
Marvin: Hai. But be forewarned, Adam-san. You must always keep your focus sharp. You must not give in to distractions. And if anyone should walk in here and say, "Get out of my apartment," what do we say, Barry-san?
Barry: I've got squatters rights.
Marvin: Excellent, my pupil. Excellent.

Marvin: Soap the counter. Rinse the counter. Hai!
Adult Adam: [v.o.] And just like Mr. Miyagi, he used household chores to teach me the art of karate.
Marvin: Wash the dishes! Hai! Scrape out that freezer. Give me that juice. Cheese my quesadilla. Look in the neighbor's trash for cans. Good! Good! Shred my eight-year-old tax returns. Hai! Hai! Take this old TV to the curb.
Adult Adam: [v.o.] Yes, I was becoming a martial-arts master.
Adam: I'm learning so much karate.

Erica: Look at her. She is a crazy person.
Geoff: Seriously.
Erica: She's gone full Zabka on us.
Geoff: Gone what?
Erica: Billy Zabka? The dude who played the bad guy in "Karate Kid." He got dumped by Elisabeth Shue and couldn't get over it.
Andy: Not taking sides, but it really seems like you guys are the Zabka in this situation.
Naked Rob: Yeah, you're clearly the bad guys.

Erica: Well, I am not the Zabka here.
Geoff: Whoa! Are you saying I'm the solo Zabka here?
Erica: Evy is your girlfriend. You said you were going to break up with her, but you didn't. Total Zabka move.
Geoff: Okay, you're being a major Zabka right now, and I don't like it.
Erica: Don't you call me a Zabka, Zabka.
Geoff: Ha! Only a Zabka would call a Zabka a Zabka.
Erica: Well, if I'm such a freaking Zabka, then get out, you Zabka.
Geoff: We're still gonna make out in your brother's tree house later, right?
Erica: Obviously.
Geoff: We're such Zabkas!
Erica: I know!

Barry: Tomorrow's the big day where Adam squares off against his same-name nemesis, his namesis.
Marvin: Wait a minute, are you telling me that someone's gonna put their hands on you for real-skis?
Adam: Fear not, Sensei. Once you show me how the chores become karate moves, I shall not fail.
Marvin: Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Okay, here's the deal. Um, technically, I'm not so much of a karate expert as I am a guy whose housekeeper quit because he tried to pay her with "massage."
Adam: Oh, my God.
Barry: What are you saying right now?
Adam: All we've done is clean this slob's apartment.
Barry: I must unleash my anger through karate. [cleaning] Oh, God. This is all I know. What am I?

Beverly: Take him out.
Barry: Are you telling me to sweep the leg?
Beverly: If he wins, he has to face the other Adam Goldberg. I want my schmoo out of commission.
Barry: But then I'll get disqualified.
Beverly: Show no mercy. You hear me? Sweep the leg.
Adam: Wait, why did mom yell, "Sweep the leg"?
Barry: Eh, no reason.
Beverly: Sweep the leggy.
Adam: Are you gonna sweep my leg?
Barry: Eh.
Beverly: Sweep the leggy, sweetie.
Adam: You are! You're gonna sweep my leg!
Beverly: Sweep the leggy.
Adam: Do not sweep the leg!

Beverly: I'm sorry. I had a brilliant plan to get you a little bit hurt so you wouldn't have to fight the other Adam and get very hurt.
Adam: That is so... genius! I'm gonna hug your body.
Beverly: (gasps) Hug it. Hey, your leg's better.
Adam: Yeah, it was just a kick. Barry usually hurts me way worse. Yesterday he threw me out of a tree.

Adam: Hey, Dad. Bad news. Got my leg swept. Fight's off. But thanks for finally coming to one of my school things.