Elana Reid: You ordered cupcakes?
Barry: Or, as I like to think of them, muffins after dark.
Elana Reid: There's just no neat way to eat them.
Barry: Well, maybe there is something I can teach you. All you do is you take the top off, put the bottom on top. You got yourself a little cupcake sandwich.
Elana Reid: You don't mess around.
Barry: One day, I hope to show you my work with waffles.

Barry: Shh! You need to leave right now! I promised her I'd keep this a secret. No one can know! Just... go.
Erica: Get over yourself. No one cares about your disgusting love life.
Geoff: [on a pay phone outside] It's true, JTP. Barry's hot for teacher, and teacher's hot for him. When I get clarity on the sash, I'll call back.
Barry: Oh, God. The JTP knows! It's already too late.

Barry: I'm telling you, if word gets out, Elana and I are done.
Geoff: Relax, Bar. No one even listens to the JTP. You're fine.
Student #1: Barry Goldberg, you da man.
Geoff: Okay. I mean, that could be completely unrelated. You are da man.
Barry: I suppose there's the possibility it's completely unrelated.
Student #2: Bro, congrats on dating Elana, your smokin' hot sociology teacher.
Geoff: Okay, that was pretty specific. But I'm sure Elana won't even find out!

Elana Reid: I know everything, Barry.
Barry: About sociology and not that our super-sexy secret got out?
Elana Reid: You told everyone, not to mention there were 27 very aggressive apples on my desk this morning.
Barry: They are in season.
Elana Reid: I liked you. But, for you, this was clearly an adolescent fantasy based on some Motley Crue song.
Barry: It's Van Halen.
Elana Reid: God, I can't believe I could lose my job over this. Thanks for nothing, Barry.

Murray: What are you doing?
Beverly: As you know, I used my preventa abilities to destroy Brea's previous Valentine's date.
Murray: Those are words.
Beverly: And now I'm waiting for Adam to use this study session to ask her out. Oh, why doesn't he do it already?
Murray: If I had to come up with something, it's because he's a giant wussbag.
Beverly: Murray!
Murray: Don't blame me. I didn't raise him.
Beverly: Oh, I got to get down there and turn up the heat.
Murray: Well, good luck. I set the temperature to 66, and I ripped off the knob.

Beverly: Who wants some nummy snacks?
Adam: No, thanks, Mom. We kind of got something going on here.
Beverly: Mm, doesn't look like it, and I've got the perfect thing to help rev up those study engines... Chocolate-covered strawberries. Go on. Feed each other. [chuckles]
Brea: Wait. Did you say "feed each other"?
Beverly: What a great idea, huh? Just do what comes naturally.
Adam: It seems natural that you'd leave so we can study.
Beverly: Come on, close those books and crack open a conversation. Oh, here's a topic... Adam likes ice-skating. Thoughts, Brea?
Brea: The only thing that comes to mind is, "What's going on?"
Beverly: What's going on is this stereo. [smooth R&B music plays] Ah. Don't you just love R&B? Feel the rhythm of the night.

Brea: Is... Is everything okay?
Adam: Yeah. I-I just need to ask you something. Would you be interested in...
Adult Adam: [v.o.] This was it. My mom's plan had led to this moment. All I had to do was pop the question.
Adam: ...doing next week's lab so we can get ahead?
Brea: Oh. Oh, no. Is the power out?
Adam: No. This is much worse.
Beverly: Look who found a study candle. You know what they say, everyone learns better in low light.
Brea: I can't see anything.
Beverly: Just scooch in, share the flame.

Barry: You. You did this! I'm still hot for teacher, but she is no longer hot for me.
Erica: Oopsie-doopsy. Did I ruin your inappropriate affair so now you actually have to earn your grade?
Barry: You can't accept I earned the same grade as you?
Erica: I cannot, because you did not.

Geoff: I always thought Ronald McDonald looked a lot like my Uncle Allen.

Dana: Hi, Mrs. Goldberg. I could really use your help. See, Andrew still hasn't asked me to the Valentine's Skate. I'm worried he's still into Brea.
Beverly: Damn it, Dana, do I need to put on a Dana costume and finish the job myself?
Dana: Why are you yelling at me? You said you were good at this preventa stuff.
Beverly: I can lead a horse to water, but I can't make it drink a tall glass of blech. No offense.
Dana: How do I not take offense to that?
Beverly: Look, you'll be fine. You'll marry rich, he'll get bored after a month, and you'll clean up in the divorce. Right now the only love life I'm concerned with is Adam's.
Dana: Well, he better move fast, because Andrew's determined to get Brea back.
Beverly: Okay, quick. What's Brea into?
Dana: Um...
Beverly: Okay, pick up the pace. No wonder Andrew has a wandering eye.
Dana: She likes the band New Edition.
Beverly: I can work with that. As for you, give him these strawberries. And when he talks, you just nod a lot.
Dana: But doesn't that just play into ugly gender roles?
Beverly: You will never find love.