Adult Adam: [v.o.] Since I wasn't going to my real prom, I sought comfort in some prom-themed entertainment.
Murray: Why are there a bunch of people on my screen and none of them are Cagney and Lacey?
Adam: Because it's Pretty in Pink.
Murray: There's a crime. Look at that kid's dumb hair.
Adam: That's Duckie. He doesn't end up with the girl, either.
Murray: So, why doesn't Dookie fight for the girl?
Adam: Because she clearly wants to be with Blane.
Murray: So, you want to be like Blaze, but you're more like Duffy?
Adam: It's Blane and Duckie. But yeah.

Adult Adam: [v.o.] It's easy to get in our own heads, but then you remember that the best thing you can do for the people you love is just show up. The thing is, life isn't about who we think we're supposed to be or how we're supposed to act. It's about allowing the people we love to bring out the best in us.
Geoff: It's late.
Erica: I'm not going anywhere.
Adult Adam: [v.o.] From life's toughest moments... to the sweetest ones... life can be pretty in any color. Yep, as time goes by, the details get fuzzy, but one thing's never been clearer... It was 1980-something, and it was awesome.

Adult Adam: [v.o.] Ah, proms of the '80s. Tons of taffeta, tuxes with tails, top hats, and over-the-top hair. With William Penn's big night just around the corner, it was time to man up and see if Brea Bee would go with me.
Dave Kim: Dude, now's your chance.
Adam: I can see that, Dave Kim. I have eyes and extremely robust corrective lenses.
Dave Kim: So, why aren't you going in?
Adam: Maybe because if she says no, my heart will explode, and I'll die of shame!
Dave Kim: Shame means nothing to you. Remember that time you were wearing khakis and you sat on that brownie?
Adam: You mean yesterday? Yes, I do. I'm gonna go do the thing.

Linda: [leaving a message] Geoffrey, it's your mother.
Geoff: Uhp, here comes the daily recap.
Linda: I went to the store, got some TP, the kind your dad likes on his tushie. Oh, and speaking of him, he had a minor massive heart attack and we're at Abington Memorial. Miss you.
Geoff: My dad had a heart attack!
Erica: Oh, wow. Wow, wow, wow.
Geoff: Stop saying "wow"! What do I do?
Erica: Uhhh...
Geoff: Stop saying "er-uh"! I've got to get down there! [Erica is frozen] Are you coming?
Erica: Do you need me to come?
Geoff: Yes!
Erica: Then I guess... that's what I'm doing.
Adult Adam: [v.o.] Yep, turns out when it came to a crisis, Erica might not have been as adult as she thought.

Erica: The hell was that?
Geoff: I guess your brother's a rock in these situations.
Erica: Well, people do go out of their way to avoid him at the beach.

Johnny: Dave Kim speaks the truth.
Adam: Johnny Atkins? What are you doing here?
Johnny: Returning and re-renting Moonstruck. And you got big problems. Trust me. I was you.
Adam: Whoa! That's a guy who could work at a deli without a hairnet.
Johnny: It was my first junior year. And I scored a date with the prettiest, coolest chick in school.
Dave Kim: Good for you.
Johnny: Bad for me. The night started off magical, but then she was crowned queen and left in the king's white limo to the airport Radisson.
Adam: Oh, no, Dave Kim's scenario has merit!
Johnny: After that prom, I stopped studying, got into prog rock, and never cut my hair again.
Adam: That seems like an overreaction, and your hair should be much longer, but wow!
Johnny: I'm gonna need you more than ever tonight, Cher. Show me how stereotypical Italians love!

Adam: Mama, I'm worried.
Beverly: Who put you in such a state of agitation? I'll have them expelled or fired from school, depending on their age.
Adam: I'm going to prom with Brea.
Beverly: That cute redhead? Oh. Well, if it couldn't be me, I'm happy it's her.
Adam: But I'm worried once she's queen, I'll be spending the night alone as she's showered with rose petals while riding across the gym on a white stallion. I don't know how it works.
Beverly: How it works is Mama is gonna make you prom king.
Adam: You can do that?
Beverly: I can do whatever I want. Literally no rules apply to me.

Beverly: Murray, your child is in crisis.
Murray: What are you talking about? He's going with the most popular girl in school. Therefore, he's popular.
Adam: It does?
Murray: Yeah. Kids are morons. They see you with that girl, then they think you're special, and before you know it, you're elected captain of the dance.
Beverly: It's not that easy, Murray.
Adam: But Dad's saying it is, which fits with my agenda. By tomorrow, I'll be sitting on that prom court!
Beverly: Well, for your sake, I hope so. But if not, you've got your pick of your mom's bras.
Murray: Yeah, you're a lucky boy.

Adam: Oh, no!
Johnny: You really thought you had a chance, bro?
Adam: My dad lazily implied that Brea's popularity would rub off on me.
Johnny: It did not.
Adam: This is okay. I'm still going with Brea, and we're gonna have a great time.
Johnny: To paraphrase Cher's character in Moonstruck... [bad Italian accent] Snap out of it!

Adult Adam: [v.o.] As Brea took my hand, I realized I had nothing to worry about. Of course we were equals! And all our peers would see it the same way.
Sydney: Hey, Brea! You got prom queen locked up!
Adam: And me locked down!
Sydney: No one's talking to you, freshman.
Adam: Junior!
Sydney: Nah. That's not right.
Adam: I think I know what grade I'm in, thank you.
Adult Adam: [v.o.] Turns out, maybe I did have something to worry about.