Bryan Walls: Hey, Brea, let's talk about the prom after-party when you're done giving this new student a tour.
Adam: Walls, I go here! We shared a motel room on that school trip to the state capital!
Bryan Walls: Damn. That you, Night Light?
Adam: Yes, and moving on!

JC Spink: Hey, prom queen! You wanna roll with me? I got a couple of dates, but, uh, I'll ditch them.
Brea: That's really sweet. But I'm going with Adam Goldberg.
JC Spink: Mm. Doesn't ring a bell.
Adam: It's me!
JC Spink: This is kind of a private conversation, bro.
Adam: We're holding hands!
Brea: And you're squeezing really hard.
JC Spink: Let go of her, dude. You don't even know her. See you at the prom, Brea.
Adult Adam: [v.o.] Yep, I had to do something.

Adam: Mama, make me king!
Beverly: Done!
Pops: She didn't even take off her apron and there's still a pan on the stove!
Adam: She takes care of her kids.
Pops: But history has proven when you involve your mom, it ends badly! Haven't you learned that by now?
Adam: You would think, but I'm gonna be king!
Pops: Ah.

Beverly: Thank you for seeing me on such short notice.
Principal Ball: You were sitting in here when I walked in, so that was no notice at all. And then I when I asked you to leave, you said, "I'm not your hair."
Beverly: Now down to business. Adam needs to be prom king.
Mr. Woodburn: Ha! The voting's already done. He got zero! He didn't even vote for himself!
Beverly: Then just lose the prom court. Do the popular kids really need to be crowned? I mean, what kind of message does that send to the others?
Principal Ball: Suck less?
Mr. Woodburn: Be beautiful on the outside.
Beverly: And isn't it your duty to protect those kids?
Mr. Woodburn: My only duty is to my cats and the Freemasons.

Principal Ball: And crowning the prom king and queen is tradition.
Beverly: A tradition of unfairness. I bet your proms weren't so great.
Mr. Woodburn: I didn't even go to mine. The six girls I asked all said no in various cruel and elaborate ways. It was like a game for them.
Principal Ball: I went to my prom, and it was a lovely time. We drank punch, we danced, and then we went back to our dormitories at our all-boys school.
Beverly: See? Life is unfair. The prom shouldn't make it worse.
Principal Ball: That makes sense. This is a Quaker school. We shouldn't endorse any tradition that makes the uggos feel bad.
Beverly: So you'll do away with the prom court?
Principal Ball: I'm killin' the prom altogether.
Beverly: [bleep] you say?
Principal Ball: You're right. Prom... Bad. No prom... Good.
Beverly: No, no, no.
Mr. Woodburn: You play with fire, you get Woodburned!
Principal Ball: Technically, she just got Balled.
Mr. Woodburn: Look out, world, Dale and Earl are swingin' back!

Adam: Ball, we need to talk!
Principal Ball: No need to thank me. Canceling prom is my gift to you and... all those like you.
Mr. Woodburn: It's a dork present. For you!
Adam: Thanks for the translation. But I actually have a prom date.
Principal Ball: Let me guess... She's a camp friend no one has ever seen? I did the work for you, buddy. Relax.
Adam: But I'm going to prom with Brea Bee!
Mr. Woodburn: And Lynda Carter and I are going camping in the Delaware Water Gap.
Adam: No! Brea and I are dating, and this prom was the thing that was gonna cement us as a couple.
Mr. Woodburn: If I had taken someone like Brea Bee to my prom, I would've been unstoppable. Or at least not travel with a coupon folder.
Principal Ball: And I could've been President of these United States. Sure, Reagan takes California, but the rest of those dominoes fall Ball's way.
Adam: And now I have a chance not to end up like either of you. Isn't that worth fighting for?

Adult Adam: [v.o.] I'd made my case. Yeah, it was a long shot, but this would be a win for geeks everywhere.
Principal Ball: [over PA] Attention, students, prom is back on.
Adam: You can just do that?
Principal Ball: I'm principal. I have unchecked power. [over PA] Attention, students, prom is off again. [to Adam] Just kidding. It's on.
Adam: It's a rollercoaster, but I'll take it.

Adam: Brea, did you hear? About prom?
Brea: Yeah, those announcements were super weird.
Adam: Yeah. But I got it un-cancelled. So now it's all good.
Brea: Is it? 'Cause there's this rumor that you were the one that got it cancelled in the first place.
Adam: Fff... No. It was my mom. She went rogue. At my request.
Brea: At your request?
Adam: I was a little worried that you were gonna become prom queen.
Brea: Wh... A- And you'd have a problem with that?
Adam: No. But sure. I mean, there's always a chance you were gonna get whisked away by the king and then pulled into his Doctor Detroit-style limo with a hot tub in the back, right?
Brea: That's what you think is gonna happen?
Adam: I'm not sure about the hot tub. That might not even be street legal. I mean, the weight of the water alone.
Brea: If that's what you really think of me, then I don't even want to go to prom with you.
Mr. Woodburn: [sings] Jitterbug.

Adult Adam: [v.o.] Sure, the names were crazy off, but my dad's advice was spot-on. Every now and then, the guy knew what he was doing.
Beverly: Did you say all that just so you could watch Cagney & Lacey?
Murray: I can have more than one motivation.
Beverly: You're a good dad. And a good husband.
Murray: Sometimes we're in this together.

Adam: Brea, we need to talk.
Brea: About how you thought I was gonna ditch you the first chance I got? I asked you, remember?
Adam: I know. I'm an idiot. And also, holy crap, you look amazing.
Brea: It's not gonna be that easy.
Adam: I also know I got caught up in all the wrong things. It's not about how popular you are. All that matters is that I'm with you.
Brea: That's in the right direction.
Adam: And I don't care about what other people think of me. What's important is what you think of me. The girl of my dreams.
Brea: I'm starting to remember why I asked you.
Adam: This time, I'm asking you. Brea Bee, will you please be my prom date?
Brea: Yes, a million times yes.