Marvin: Classic tale. There I was, minding my own business in this mystical shop on the outskirts of Chinatown, when, suddenly, this ancient man popped out and asked me if I wanted to buy this rare and exotic pet.
Beverly: Ooh. Like a sassy, colorful bird?
Marvin: Better. A Mogwai. And so, naturally, I handed him $6,000.
Pops: Are you nuts?
Marvin: That's not even the worst part. You see, these [as Gizmo] Mogwai [normal voice] are "super-high maintenance." You can't get them wet, no bright lights, and if you feed them after midnight, they become these bloodthirsty monsters!
Pops: Who would buy a pet like that? Who?
Murray: No one! That's who! It's from Gremlins.

Marvin: There they are, Crocket and Tubbs. What up, my men?
Murray: We have no money. Please go away.
Marvin: I'm not here for your money, Mur-Man. I'm just dropping by to see the fam.
Pops: He's right, Mur. Be nice to your brother. It's Thanksgiving.
Murray: It's the middle of May.
Pops: Oh. Then, yeah, he's here for cash.

Adam: I've waited my whole life for this moment and it's finally here. I'm no longer your nerdy little brother. I'm your equal.
Barry: Just let me kick him!
Erica: Control your feet, Barry. He owns us.

Murray: Marvin, this isn't a get-rich-quick scheme. We sell furniture.
Marvin: Um, bean bag chairs are furniture. They're soft, colorful balls of furniture. How are you not getting this?
Murray: Damn it, Marvin. No person wants to sit on a sack of beans.
Marvin: Yes, they will. Just pull up a bag and sit on it!
Murray: I will never sit on a bag of beans.
Marvin: Sit on the beans.
Murray: I don't want to sit on the beans!
Marvin: No!
Murray: Come on!
Marvin: Try it!
Murray: Stop it! I don't want to try it!
Marvin: Ease on down to comfy town.
Murray: I don't want to! I just don't!
Marvin: Yes. Now let the tiny beans work their magic.
Murray: Damn it! I'm stuck! The more I push, the more I sink!

Adam: How about this? I tell you nothing and you put some Magic Shell on some ice cream for me.
Barry: Why is he making delicious demands instead of cowering in fear?
Adam: 'Cause for the first time ever, I have absolute power. I not only know what's in the yearbook, but I can rewrite it as I please.
Erica: You're bluffing. He's bluffing.
Adam: Maybe I am. Or maybe I make you Most Likely To Share An Apartment With Her Mother.
Erica: That's my nightmare!
Adam: Or is it your destiny?

Barry: Make him stop.
Adam: I'm just getting started, Most Likely To Lose A Freestyle Rap Competition.
Barry: Don't you dare put that in.
Adam: You got it, Worst Dirt Biker.
Barry: No!
Adam: Slowest Nunchucker.
Barry: He's attacking my private insecurities!

Adam: I have extensive demands. If you meet them, I might be inclined to let you sneak a peek at the yearbook.
Erica: Clean your room? Do your homework? Buy you scratch 'n sniff stickers!?
Adam: I wrote the list four years ago.

Barry: Okay, they were out of grape scratch 'n sniff stickers, so I got hamburger, pizza, and skunk.
Erica: Skunk? Use your head, man! That's the one scratch no one wants to sniff.

Erica: Yo, Jedi Master? Number three on your list is to inform you of any pertinent TV marathons, and there's a whole block of "ALF" on.
Adam: Yes! It's show time, buddy!
Adult Adam: [v.o.] Okay, so their plan wasn't so much clever and complex as it was sad and easy.

Adam: Oh, no! You touched the tender insides.
Barry: No. I didn't. My fingers missed the tender insides.
Adam: I saw it. Your meaty thumb was all over the tender insides!
Barry: My fingers missed the tender insides!