Beverly: There she is. The oven that's baking my delicious grandchild.
Erica: Don't love the greeting, but I need you.
Beverly: Of course you do. I'm the most important person in your life. And soon, your baby's life.
Erica: What a fun and totally insane way of looking at it.

Geoff: Wait, are you bedazzling disposable diapers?
Erica: "Schmoopy's Poopies." Normally, I would say whatever keeps you busy, but I need help cleaning up the house.
Beverly: The day has come. I'm passing down the vacuum to you. Now, the first lesson is to pretend the carpet is a maze.
Erica: No. Yuck. Never. Do you know what "nesting" is?
Beverly: News flash. [chuckles] Like a blond kangaroo, I pushed three perfect babies out of my...
Geoff: I'm in the room.
Beverly: ...warm...
Geoff: Please stop there.
Beverly: ...mama pouch.
Geoff: That's not even how a kangaroo gives birth.

Geoff: Choo-choo! Baby gift train heading to Closet Station.
Beverly: You can turn that engine into a caboose, 'cause this closet is full of hundreds of Grammy-Baby matching jammies.
Geoff: Um.
Erica: One set seems like too many, but, okay, we'll just use the hall closet.
Beverly: No! No! No, no, no! Not the closet! Not... Not the hall closet!
Erica: Mom, let me just open the door.
Beverly: I said no.
Bill Lewis: [enters] I got your message, Bevy, so I came over to lend a hand... [closet door opens] My God, it's like a shrine to the Mur-man.
Geoff: Whoa. There's like ten yellow ones. I always thought it was just the one.
Bill Lewis: They hid so many mustard stains.
Virginia Kremp: The label just says "Shirt." And the size is, uh, "Man."
Beverly: Okay, fine! You all know my little secret! I've saved my husband's stain-and-wrinkle-resistant shirts. Are you happy?
Erica: Mom, I know it's tough, but while we're cleaning, maybe you should do some cleaning of your own?
Beverly: Look, I meant to go through all of his things, but... ...I just couldn't bring myself to do it. Maybe it's time. Let's go get some boxes.

Adult Adam: [v.o.] My plan to Field of Dreams Barry was in full swing, and I had hit it out of the park.
Naked Rob: What's the plan here, Big Tasty?
Andy: Yeah, why'd you ask me to bring my can-do attitude and "enough money for three days"?
Matt: Am I gonna be in the sun long? My milky fair skin looks flawless, but that's only because I stay vigilant.

Virginia Kremp: Surprise! It's a new Laura Ashley recliner!
Bill Lewis: It's a real beauty. Test drove it myself. Bill Lewis certified! Huh? [laughs]
Beverly: You get that piece of [bleep] out of my house, you [bleep] monsters!
Bill Lewis: I told you to get it in blue. My name is on the line here.
Virginia Kremp: Okay. Well, we thought because you gave away Murray's chair...
Beverly: My husband's chair had a name, Ginzy. Mr. Chair!
Bill Lewis: I was there when he named it. He had no passion for creativity.

Adult Adam: [v.o.] Turns out, I had gone a step too far in pranking my brother. Meanwhile, my mom was ready to go to great lengths to find my dad's recliner.
Beverly: Okay, the first 24 hours a chair goes missing are the most crucial. Bill, I want you to take these flyers, put them on every telephone pole, tree, and bus stop in the city.
Bill Lewis: I'm on it.
Beverly: Ginzy, I want you to follow every pickup truck in town and peek into their homes. If you get a positive ID, do not call for backup. Just go in alone.
Virginia Kremp: I-I'm probably just gonna ask around.
Beverly: Good. Improvise. Go where the chairs are. Now, the three of us will split up and begin our grid pattern search of every den, basement, and rec room in America.
Geoff: Feels like a lot of ground to cover.
Beverly: I'm gonna cover you in ground if you don't do what I say. Is that clear?
Geoff: Very.
Erica: Stop fighting her, Geoff, and maybe we'll get lucky.
Beverly: Oh, speaking of Lucky. Take a good sniff, girl. Breathe in Murray's essence. Go find that chair. [dog barks] Go, Lucky, go! Good Lucky!
Erica: And now we're missing a dog.

Adult Adam: [v.o.] Back in the '80s, every summer seemed to zoom by, especially the last one before I went off to college. It was a whirlwind of change. First, my sister Erica was pregnant, so she and Geoff moved home because they were gonna need a lot of help. [all other voices sped up]
Beverly: I'm gonna be a grandma! Whoo-hoo!
Adult Adam: And my brother Barry got into medical school.
Barry: I'm basically a doctor!
Adult Adam: But unlike most doctors, he decided the best prescription was to move back into his childhood bedroom...
All: JTP!
Adult Adam: ...and invite his buddies over to destroy our house on a daily basis. Even my grandfather, Pop-Pop, decided to crash in our basement, shortly after he burned down his own apartment by overcooking beans.
Pop-Pop: I overcooked the beans.
Adult Adam: As for me, I was never more ready to escape to college.
Beverly: Barry!
Adult Adam: Yep, life moves fast, sometimes too fast, because that year, there was one change that made everything stop. Just a few months ago, out of nowhere, we lost my dad. We will always love you, Dad. Always. And we'll find a way to continue on together, because after all, we're the Goldbergs.

Adult Adam: It was September 21st, 1980-something, and my sister Erica and her husband Geoff were preparing for a baby.
Pop-Pop: Will you stop grinning so much? It's distracting me from the Phillies blowing this game.
Geoff: I'm just learning so much from this best-selling book about the miracle of childbirth... What to Expect When You're Expecting.
Pop-Pop: The only thing a man should expect is gallstones.

Virginia Kremp: Oh, there's the glowing mother-to-be!
Erica: Come on. I look like crap.
Virginia Kremp: [gasps] You're creating life. You look like God's perfect angel.
Erica: I'm in sweats stained with three different kinds of ranch.
Geoff: Three?
Erica: I'm pregnant! Leave me alone!
Geoff: Yeah. No. It's good.
Virginia Kremp: That's a fun peek behind your marriage curtain.

Virginia Kremp: Look what I brought for the baby.
Erica: Does it come in large?
Virginia Kremp: Well, the giraffe is a quiet animal. I thought that would be a good thing for this household.
Pop-Pop: We got no room for your oversized crap, lady!
Erica: Mrs. Kremp, you know my grandpa.
Virginia Kremp: Yes, Murray's eulogy was very short.
Pop-Pop: You know what's not short? That long-necked horse. Why don't you saddle it up and ride it on out of here?