Beverly: You can all relax. I know tomorrow is a big day in the history of me, but I'm gonna be fine. Plus, I've got my job as Quaker Warden to distract me.
Adam: Even though it's largely ceremonial?
Beverly: I am also a woman of many hobbies, like tennis, bedazzling, and cheesing meats.
Barry: Those will fill a minute or two, but there's, like, eight waking hours in a day.
Beverly: You sleep way too much, Barry.

Geoff: Done. Check it. "Dear Mr. and Mrs. Schneider, thank you for the set of Egyptian cotton sheets. We will think of you every time we climb into bed together."
Erica: Roll it back in your head, babe.
Geoff: Oh, no, I'm an unintentionally naughty boy.
Erica: While you're at it, you might want to take another crack at the one for the Rosens about the espresso machine and how much fun we'll have grinding every morning?
Geoff: Aw.

Barry: [laughs] To think if I hadn't stopped to load up on groceries, I would've missed this incredibly awesome moment.
Adam: Why are you here again?
Barry: Picking up toilet paper, cereal, string cheese, a variety of juice boxes. You want me to go to the market like an animal? They want money for that stuff!

Geoff: Surprise! You're all packed.
Erica: Wow, look at you. Ready to get rid of me.
Geoff: No, but I bet you'll never guess where all your underwear is.
Erica: Is it stuffed in my shoes?
Geoff: Yeah, it's the patented Schwartz space saver. And don't forget to layer up, because Europe has seven different climates.

Adam: Where the hell's my mom?
Dave Kim: The only possible answer is she's trapped at the bottom of a wishing well.
Brea: Dave Kim!
Dave Kim: It's more plausible than her missing her schmoopie's special day.
Brea: Adam, I'm sure she's just parking. Or maybe Dave Kim's bottom-of-the-well thing. It is odd.

Adam: Oh, Mom! You made it out of the wishing well.
Beverly: What does that mean, schmoopie?
Adam: It's one of the many working theories of your whereabouts.

Adam: Thank you for coming.
Barry: Thank you. I'm honored that you purchased us a meet-and-greet with Hollywood actor Bill Bixby. He's the guy who plays the Hulk when he's lame and not green.

Erica: Wait, Adam said that I was getting a lifetime supply of Maybelline lip products. Am I not getting my cherry cola gloss? I will put my hands on you!

Adam: We're getting off topic. Tomorrow, I graduate high school, and Mom is inevitably gonna fall to pieces.
Barry: Yeah, she is.
Erica: Oh, I do get a gift.
Adam: All I'm asking is for my loving family to keep her busy and distracted.
Barry: No.
Erica: Never.
Adam: Come on! You two are my siblings! We share a bond.
Barry: Let me stop you right there. [silence]
Adam: And?
Barry: I just wanted to stop you right there.

Erica: Okay, what the dope means is, we had to go through this when we graduated, so now you have to go through it, too.
Adam: But I'm her last schmoo! She's gonna freak out way more than with you two.
Barry: Oh, I never thought of it like that. That changes everything. It makes it way funnier. Best day ever!
Erica: Adam, I feel bad for you. But I also don't feel bad for you.