Principal Ball: It's been brought to my attention that the "Dreidel Cubed" song has been cut from the holiday concert.
Ms. Cinoman: Honestly, it's for the best.
Principal Ball: It's not. We got to do the "Dreidel."
Ms. Cinoman: She's gotten to you, hasn't she?
Principal Ball: She who?
Ms. Cinoman: She is standing right outside that door, isn't she?
Principal Ball: Yes.
Beverly: So, here's the thing, Cinnabuns, this Quaker school was founded on the basis that everyone deserves a festive holiday song.

Principal Ball: You can't have a holiday concert without any Cha-nukkah songs. Just pick another one.
Ms. Cinoman: Sure, Earl. Uh, how about one of the famous ones recorded by, oh, I don't know, - Barry Manilow or Neil Diamond?
Principal Ball: Perfect.
Ms. Cinoman: They only did Christmas songs. Even they knew what the audience wanted.
Principal Ball: Well, look, if you don't do any Cha-nukkah songs, then you can't do any Christmas songs, either.
Beverly: Okay, this is going off the rails. If we can't mention the holidays, what are the kids supposed to sing about?
Principal Ball: Oh, I don't know. The weather? Mittens? The damn plow guy that always skips your street?

Adult Adam: [v.o.] It was the final rehearsal for the big non-holiday holiday concert.
All: [singing] We wish a snowy Tuesday, we wish you a snowy Tuesday We wish you a snowy Tuesday and a cozy weekend
[to tune of "Silent Night"] Snowy night, secular night-
[to tune of "O Christmas Tree"] O winter time, O winter time You come before spring and after fall
[to tune of "Here Comes Santa Claus"] Here comes Uncle Doug Here comes Uncle Doug His flight gets in around 3:00

Adam: You replaced my favorite posters.
Murray: I guess it's a holiday miracle.

Adult Adam: [v.o.] Once I saw the good in the "Star Wars" special, I began to see the good in everything. And so I went back to finish "Howard the Duck." Turns out he became a legendary cult badass.
Pops: Aren't you glad we came back and saw the end?
Adam: Oh, yeah. I wish I was half as cool as Howard.
Pops: He does have a way with the ladies.

Adam: Stop what you're doing. I have the biggest holiday news of all time.
Murray: If I were to stop what I'm doing, it'd be more than what I'm actually doing.
Adam: Okay. So, as everyone knows, Star Wars is my entire life, soul, and universe.
Murray: [snores]
Adam: [claps] No dozing!
Murray: Well, then be less boring.

Barry: I think the other, way better Goldberg should do the solo. Check it. [rapping] Dreidel, dreidel, dreidel I made it out of- Nope. Can't do it. I can't make it cool. It's impossible.

Erica: Don't you shmoopaloo me. What gives you the right to forge my name on a sign up sheet?
Beverly: It was on the bulletin board. All the solos were taken except for "Dreidel Cubed". That's what the hipcats call hit.

Erica: Pops, we need to talk.
Pops: Of course, darling. How can I make your life better?
Erica: [returning to Beverly] Damn you, he's so adorable.

Beverly: I guess I'll just have to coax Erica into writing her own Hanukkah song, and she'll knock everyone's socks off.
Ms. Cinoman: I like your moxie, but I'm pretty sure that Hanukkah has been around for a while, and no one has cracked that nut yet.