‘Baio and Switch’
Season 3, Episode 12 - Aired January 13, 2016
Beverly decides to volunteer for Hands Across America in an attempt to get closer with Barry and Erica. She gets them to spoil her with affection after she promises an appearance from Scott Baio, but the plan fails. Meanwhile, Adam gets himself into a sticky situation when he promises to take his best friend and his girlfriend, Dana, to the school dance.
Quote from Barry
Barry: I'm so nervous for Baio. My hands are super sweaty but soft. I've been moisturizing all day.
Quote from Barry
Barry: You will live with me forever. I will build a master suit off the bedroom, even if it severely damages my marriage.
Erica: I'm out. Too rich for my blood.
Barry: Yes, I win! Oh, no. What have I done? Future Barry's problem.
Quote from Barry
Beverly: Hold up. Now that I'm involved you're just going to bail?
Barry: Nothing personal. You just make fun things suck.
Quote from Coach Mellor
Coach Mellor: I'm in way over my head. They want me to organize, make posters. They gave me a pen and a ledger. I don't know what to do with them.
Beverly: To record the donations.
Coach Mellor: Oh, no. I've been putting everybody's cash in a bag.
Beverly: Well, there must be thousands there.
Coach Mellor: I don't know. I'm a gym teacher, not a count teacher.
Beverly: You mean a math teacher?
Coach Mellor: I don't know. I'm not an English teacher either.
Quote from Murray
Murray: Stop. No one's Brady Bunching anybody. You want some real advice? Don't be a moron.
Adam: Seriously? That's your advice for everything.
Murray: It applies to everything.
Quote from Beverly
Erica: We need to spread the word about Hands Across America.
Beverly: Yeah, I don't know about that whole thing. Hands have germs. Think about all those colds passing across the country like a big bacteria highway. Eugh.
Quote from Coach Mellor
Coach Mellor: Yes, we get it. You're the socially aware girl. No reason to showboat about it, other Goldberg.
Erica: I'll stop talking.
Quote from Barry
Erica: I'm doing it because it'll help people in real need.
Barry: And I'm doing it for the celebrity contact. I'm hoping to hands with Heather Locklear. No, Alyssa MIlano. No, KITT, the car from Knight Rider.
Erica: You can't hold hands with a car, idiot.
Barry: I'll hold the antenna.
Quote from Beverly
Beverly: I want to help with Hands Across America.
Coach Mellor: Okay.
Beverly: And by help, I mean push you aside and take over entirely.
Coach Mellor: I said okay.
Quote from Beverly
Barry: No, not so fast. I've been thinking about it and I'm going to let you dance with me before I dance with my bride at my wedding.
Beverly: That is also my dream, but I also get to wear white. That's non-negotiable.