‘Double Dare’
Season 3, Episode 13 - Aired January 20, 2016
Adam and Emmy are excited when their favorite TV game show "Double Dare" hosts auditions at their school, but their friendship hits the rocks when they both choose other partners. Meanwhile, superstitious Barry believes Beverly is a good luck charm for the Eagles, but Murray wants to keep football as his alone time.
Quote from Dave Kim
Dave Kim: Bro, you don't have a prayer.
Adam: Shut up, Dave Kim. This face was made for TV.
Dave Kim: But that voice, youch. You two can't compete with Handsome Ben.
Adult Adam: [v.o.] He was right. We all had one growing up, the vicious rival who always won.
Dave Kim: Who always beats you out for class president?
Adam: Handsome Ben.
Dave Kim: And who always gets the lead in the musical?
Adam: Handsome Ben.
Dave Kim: Who was first in line to see "Temple of Doom"?
Adam: Handsome Ben.
Dave Kim: You had to sit in the second row, like a chump.
Quote from Adam
Adam: Ow! You punched me in the heart!
Emmy Mirsky: You're picking your grandfather over me? Seriously?
Adam: You know it's been my dream to go on "Double Dare." It's selfish of you not to support that.
Emmy Mirsky: How am I the weak link? You got flat feet and a lazy eye. That "Double Dare" human-hamster wheel will eat you alive.
Adam: I had no choice. This is the only way I can beat my lifelong rival, Handsome Ben.
Quote from Beverly
Beverly: Are the players married to the cheerleaders? Do you think their families are mad 'cause they work on Sundays? Ugh! Look at those grass stains. Who washes those pants?! Aren't we all patriots? Oh ho! Look at that big, snuggly pileup. Why does the throwy guy keep putting his hands in the other guy's butt? I have a better name for a team, The Yankee Doodles.
Quote from Murray
Murray: You know what? Who wants bagel bites? 'Cause I'm gonna put some in the oven. What do I set it at 2,000?
Beverly: No, Murray, you know the rule. Don't touch any knobs in the kitchen.
Quote from Beverly
Bill Lewis: Let's start with the basics. This is the quarterback. These are the linemen, receivers, running back.
Beverly: Question: What do all those words mean?
Bill Lewis: Simplifying, there's offense and defense.
Beverly: Question: Are those things I should already know?
Bill Lewis: Simplifying, this is a football.
Beverly: Question: Is the plural of "football" "feetball"?
Bill Lewis: Ohh! God!
Quote from Pops
Pops: What kind of a fakakte game show is this? I thought it was just trivia.
Adam: Oh, it is and some physical challenges.
Pops: It looks slimy and unsafe.
Adam: You're Pops! You can do anything!
Pops: What the [bleep] is that thing?
Adam: You play tennis and date twins and drink Martinis when the sun's out.
Pops: Yes, I do sample from the salad bar of life.
Quote from Dave Kim
Dave Kim: Well, looks like you're gonna need a new partner.
Handsome Ben: For sure. Hey, Amy, be my partner?
Amy: Definitely. You're handsome.
Dave Kim: Dave Kim always a bridesmaid.
Quote from Erica
Murray: You're a, uh, lady person. How do I un-hurt them?
Erica: Hello? Mom took an interest in something you love. Just show her that you can do the same thing.
Murray: What like yakking on the phone, shopping, or pushing the hot thing over the clothes?
Erica: Ironing? No, those are chores. I'm talking about stuff that makes her happy, like jazzercise.
Murray: That dancy thing where she puts on the stretchy clothes and rolls around on the ground like a drunk toddler?
Erica: Good point. You should focus on something more your speed. And by "speed," I mean no speed.
Quote from Murray
Murray: Son of a bitch! This can't be done! No one can do it!
Erica: What exactly are you doing?
Murray: Scrapbooking. Your mother's favorite hobby. But it's a nightmare! Stupid glue. Everything I touch sticks to me.
Erica: Just calm down, okay? I'm sure what you made is fine. Holy crap! What is that?
Murray: Our sweet memories.
Erica: Why did you cut out the letters? It looks like a ransom note.
Murray: You know I'm not good at penmanship!
Erica: Why'd you put "look"? What am I supposed to look at, his red demon eyes?
Murray: I was trying to make them sparkle with glitter, but no one tells you how complicated glitter is.
Erica: It looks like something a 10-year-old serial killer would make.
Quote from Adam
Adam: Idiots! The flag is under the giant pad of butter! Always look under the butter.
Emmy Mirsky: If we ever get on this show, imagine all the prizes we'd win.
Adam: We'd be strutting around in our brand-new British knights, jammin' out to our Panasonic portable sound system, as we chow down on a year's supply of Cchef Boyardee.
Emmy Mirsky: It's all our dreams wrapped into one.