‘Baio and Switch’
Season 3, Episode 12 - Aired January 13, 2016
Beverly decides to volunteer for Hands Across America in an attempt to get closer with Barry and Erica. She gets them to spoil her with affection after she promises an appearance from Scott Baio, but the plan fails. Meanwhile, Adam gets himself into a sticky situation when he promises to take his best friend and his girlfriend, Dana, to the school dance.
Quote from Beverly
Ben Franklin: I shall hold your hand.
Beverly: Oh, [beep] off, Ben Franklin.
Quote from Coach Mellor
Beverly: Come on, you must have one celebrity lead.
Coach Mellor: No, I'm a gym teacher. I rotate two pairs of shorts.
Quote from Coach Mellor
Coach Mellor: Hands Across America, it's happening this weekend and you will not make Coach look bad. All right, listen up. This limited edition, government-issued visor means that I have personally been appointed regional captain because I volunteered. It is my duty to make sure everybody in this town forms a human chain to stop the homeless. Questions?
Quote from Beverly
Beverly: I'd give anything to have just one photo of me and my babies looking that happy on the front page of the paper.
Virginia: Well, Barry did make the paper for that time he got into a fight with a service horse.
Beverly: He really thought it was his apple.
Virginia: Horses are tricky.
Quote from Erica
Beverly: Oh my God, are you two crafting together, by choice?
Erica: No, no, no. Calm down. We're not crafting, we're just making art with construction papers, markers and glitter for a display.
Beverly: That's crafting!
Erica: Fine, we're crafting.
Quote from Coach Mellor
Beverly: Did you get us a celebrity?
Coach Mellor: No. We can't compete with Philly. Philly is the Paris of Pennsylvania. They got Baio, we got jack squat.
Quote from Pops
Pops: Then take them both. They never even have to know.
Adam: Like Peter did on the Brady Bunch?
Pops: I Brady Bunched two ladies at a U.S.O. dance back in '41. Never felt so alive!
Quote from Beverly
Erica: Mommy, I want you to pick out a guy for me to date and marry?
Beverly: That is my dream.
Quote from Erica
Erica: I'm going to have five kids and I want you to baby-sit every night and tell me what to do.