Beverly: [scoffs] But ghosts are hooey.
Adam: And you still haven't explained all those ripped butts.
Beverly: Yeah, Murray, the butts!
Murray: I can explain it. Oh, I can explain it with science. [Adam & Beverly laugh]
Beverly: Oh! Science! [laughing] Oh-ho-ho! What, was math busy? [Adam laughs] I'm gonna go wash your beakers.

Adult Adam: [v.o.] My dad wasn't gonna take this sitting down, so he went straight to my science teacher, Doc Katman.
Murray: You're gonna help me prove there's no such thing as ghosts.
Dr. Katman: A real-life science adventure?! [removes goggles] I'm in!

Erica: It's sweet of you, but you don't have to walk me home from class.
Geoff: Hey, I insist. You know, I want to make sure that you get where you need to get and see... Wow! Would you look at that?! It's a cloud. Looks like a misshapen... ball. Wow.
Erica: It happened. We're out of things to say to each other.
Geoff: Oh! Hey, would you look at me when you talk to me?
Erica: What the hell, man?
Geoff: I just love you so damn much. I just want to lock eyes as we walk so I can drink in this beauty.
Erica: That's kind of nice, but how are we gonna see where we're going?
Geoff: Oh, good point. I should blindfold you and take you to this super-secret romantic spot that I just thought of. Wow, I'm so spontaneous! [removes shirt]
Erica: What are you doing? You know you burn easily! [reads flyer that landed on her face] Where is he?

Erica: You are the worst roommate/brother/dumbass ever!
Barry: Way to rat me out, Geoff. You're uninvited to the party I'm definitely still having.
Erica: Damn it, Barry. When are you gonna learn that college isn't all about partying?
Barry: When are you gonna learn that college is not all about studying?
Erica: I have to study. I can't afford to screw up again.
Barry: Well, I can't afford to not have this party.
Erica: Don't you staple that flier.
Barry: Or what?
Geoff: Guys, come on. There's gotta be a way to handle this.
Barry: Too late! I'm stapling it. No! Ohh, no! [staple gun fires]
Geoff: Oh, God, it's in the meat!
Erica: What the hell, man? You just stapled my boyfriend!
Barry: I'm holding a staple gun! He knew the risks!

Geoff: We gotta break this up!
Barry: Ow! Ow!
Matt: Don't worry, everyone. They're related. It's totally normal.
Naked Rob: And that dude getting housed by his sister is having a Halloween party tomorrow.
Barry: Damn right I am!
Erica: No, you're not!

Erica: Look, Dean Dean...
Dean: Oh, actually, I'm no longer a dean with the name Dean. I've been promoted to "Executive Student Administrator".
Barry: You get a raise?
Dean: It was just a title bump, but it's quite prestigious.
Barry: Dean Dean got nothing.

Barry: Look, I just thought it'd be fun to put down the books and blow off some steam, you know?
Dean: You make a good point.
Erica: What?
Geoff: He does?
Barry: I do?
Dean: Students need an outlet. And, uh, I happen to be a bit of a "Rocky Horror" fan myself. I played Frank-N-Furter in high school, in my living room, wearing my mother's... It doesn't matter.
Erica: But you're an educator. Grades should be the only thing.
Dean: You can't just study all the time, or you'll burn out. The party is on.
Barry: Yes! The lesson is, do whatever you want and it'll all work out.
Dean: That's not it at all.
Barry: Thank you, Dean Dean. Even though the school doesn't value you, I do.

Erica: Last time, I flunked out because I screwed around too much, and now I'm being punished for taking school too seriously? This is garbage.
Geoff: Congratulations on your promotion.
Dean: Get out.
Geoff: Okay.

Adult Adam: [v.o.] Meanwhile, our mom would stop at nothing to prove we had a ghost.
Beverly: If this house was haunted when we bought it, they should have disclosed that. [on the phone] Hey, Jeanine. It's Beverly Goldberg. Yeah, listen, when the Wexlers lived here, were any of them violently murdered, becoming apparitions intent on revenge?
Murray: Give me that.
Beverly: Hey! What the hell?

Murray: Please welcome Doc Katman.
Adam: Why is my teacher here?
Murray: So I can prove to you once and for all that there's no such thing as ghosts. Show him the paintings.
Adam: Here's my mom's soft-core art. It's butts.
Beverly: Go ahead. Good luck explaining the unexplainable.
Dr. Katman: There appears to be some wood rot on the frame. And these hooks seem way too weak for the weight of the picture.
Murray: Boom! You've been scienced!
Beverly: Well, how do you explain the rips in the canvas?
Dr. Katman: Possibly when it fell, the impact caused the rips.
Murray: Suck on the logic!