Lainey: Ugh. I hate it when my dad talks golf with my ex. They used to do it all the time when we dated.
Barry: Your dad liked him while you two were dating? I thought he hated me 'cause I'm your boyfriend.
Lainey: Oh, sweetie, no. My dad hates you as, like, a person. You being my boyfriend is just a happy coincidence.

Pops: Wow. That's a whole lot of music cassettes. How did you get the money for all that?
Adam: Do you want to ask questions? Or do you want a little Neil Diamond?
Pops: I saw nothing.
Adam: Good answer.

Barry: Being a caddy sucks. All Bill wants me to do is wash his balls and hold his bag. It's funny but hard work.

Beverly: There's my baby. I made you your favorite Cheeseburger lasagna.
Erica: Pass. I don't want to get blamed if you burn it, so I'll just eat a lunchable.
Beverly: But those are for lunch. It's the wrong meal.

Adam: My god! How did you get all those tapes on a lawn mower's salary?
Dave Kim: They got this catalog filled with albums, and they just give you 12 tapes for a penny.
Adam: That deal defies all reason.

Erica: Sure, you get a bunch of tapes up front, but then you enter into a contract to order more for full price. In the end, Columbia house always comes for you.
Adam: Man, I bet they have like ex-Navy seals to collect their money.
Erica: I think you're giving them too much credit.

Adam: What if I give Columbia house a fake name and take the 12 tapes?
Erica: Well, it's illegal, but very clever.
Adam: Yes. Then let's do this.
Erica: As much as I would love to commit mail fraud with you, Mom's really been on my back lately.
Adam: Aw, come on. Commit a felony with me. It'll be a good bonding experience, or at the very least a cautionary tale.

Bill Lewis: Lainey! The scream-y kid with the crazy eyebrows is here.
Barry: Special night. It's our 10-month anniversary.
Bill Lewis: Anniversaries are for years, not months, so you're celebrating nothing. Let me see your wallet.
Barry: Here, take it.
Bill Lewis: $6? Where do you plan to take her tonight? A vending machine at a bus station?
Barry: Oh, it's fine. She usually pays.

Bill Lewis: Nothing like a cold one after work, am I right?
Barry: Amen to that, brother! Love me the old brew ha-ha, nectar of the gods, foam hammer, wheat and greet, little truth water, golden problem solver, beer. Move over, rover.
Bill Lewis: Are you telling me you drink?
Barry: No!
Bill Lewis: You just said you love cold suds. So which is it? Are you a lush or a liar?
Murray: He's a moron.

Murray: Why?
Barry: I'm probably being a little paranoid, but it kind of seems like Bill hates my living guts.
Murray: Hoo-hoo. He sure does.
Barry: I don't get it. Mom says I'm literally a human ray of sunshine.
Murray: Your mom's a nice lady, but she's done some real damage to you.