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12 Tapes for a Penny

‘12 Tapes for a Penny’

Season 3, Episode 18 - Aired March 16, 2016

Adam learns about a mail-order music club and sets up a scheme to get as many tapes as possible, but Beverly believes Erica is behind it all. Meanwhile, Barry works on getting the approval of Bill, Lainey’s father, but he refuses to budge.

Quote from Lainey

Lainey: Ugh. I hate it when my dad talks golf with my ex. They used to do it all the time when we dated.
Barry: Your dad liked him while you two were dating? I thought he hated me 'cause I'm your boyfriend.
Lainey: Oh, sweetie, no. My dad hates you as, like, a person. You being my boyfriend is just a happy coincidence.


Quote from Pops

Pops: Wow. That's a whole lot of music cassettes. How did you get the money for all that?
Adam: Do you want to ask questions? Or do you want a little Neil Diamond?
Pops: I saw nothing.
Adam: Good answer.

Quote from Barry

Barry: Being a caddy sucks. All Bill wants me to do is wash his balls and hold his bag. It's funny but hard work.

Quote from Beverly

Beverly: There's my baby. I made you your favorite Cheeseburger lasagna.
Erica: Pass. I don't want to get blamed if you burn it, so I'll just eat a lunchable.
Beverly: But those are for lunch. It's the wrong meal.

Quote from Adam

Adam: My god! How did you get all those tapes on a lawn mower's salary?
Dave Kim: They got this catalog filled with albums, and they just give you 12 tapes for a penny.
Adam: That deal defies all reason.

Quote from Adam

Erica: Sure, you get a bunch of tapes up front, but then you enter into a contract to order more for full price. In the end, Columbia house always comes for you.
Adam: Man, I bet they have like ex-Navy seals to collect their money.
Erica: I think you're giving them too much credit.

Quote from Adam

Adam: What if I give Columbia house a fake name and take the 12 tapes?
Erica: Well, it's illegal, but very clever.
Adam: Yes. Then let's do this.
Erica: As much as I would love to commit mail fraud with you, Mom's really been on my back lately.
Adam: Aw, come on. Commit a felony with me. It'll be a good bonding experience, or at the very least a cautionary tale.

Quote from Barry

Bill Lewis: Lainey! The scream-y kid with the crazy eyebrows is here.
Barry: Special night. It's our 10-month anniversary.
Bill Lewis: Anniversaries are for years, not months, so you're celebrating nothing. Let me see your wallet.
Barry: Here, take it.
Bill Lewis: $6? Where do you plan to take her tonight? A vending machine at a bus station?
Barry: Oh, it's fine. She usually pays.

Quote from Barry

Bill Lewis: Nothing like a cold one after work, am I right?
Barry: Amen to that, brother! Love me the old brew ha-ha, nectar of the gods, foam hammer, wheat and greet, little truth water, golden problem solver, beer. Move over, rover.
Bill Lewis: Are you telling me you drink?
Barry: No!
Bill Lewis: You just said you love cold suds. So which is it? Are you a lush or a liar?
Murray: He's a moron.

Quote from Murray

Murray: Why?
Barry: I'm probably being a little paranoid, but it kind of seems like Bill hates my living guts.
Murray: Hoo-hoo. He sure does.
Barry: I don't get it. Mom says I'm literally a human ray of sunshine.
Murray: Your mom's a nice lady, but she's done some real damage to you.

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