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26Quotes from ‘Magic Is Real’

The Goldbergs: Magic Is Real

319. Magic Is Real

Aired March 23, 2016

Inspired by David Copperfield’s walk through The Great Wall of China, Adam becomes a magician in order to impress a girl at school.  Meanwhile, Barry has no interest in taking the PSAT, but when he discovers his friends and girlfriend plan to do so, he’s hit with a harsh reality.

Quote from Barry

Barry: I'm getting real here. Talking about my most sensible dream. Billionaire entrepreneur!
Erica: You do realize that entrepreneurs have actual business ideas and billionaires have billions?
Barry: Oh, I do and I will, as soon as I present the world with any one of these awesome entrepreneurical ideas. First up the reverse microwave. Makes things colder!
Andy: So, a refrigerator?
Barry: Next! Know about fingerless gloves? How about just fingers? I call it just fingers.
Murray: Did you cut up my isotoners?
Barry: Next, the front pack.
Erica: That's just a backpack you're wearing wrong.
Barry: Next! A house for birds.
Lainey: Um, that kind of already exists.
Barry: Not like this. Mine's for the upscale bird.
Murray: Okay, I'm shutting it down. Everyone go home.
Barry: You know what else got shut down? Sir Isaac Newton when he invented the apple.

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Quote from Barry

Beverly: You're supposed to be studying for the PSAT!
Barry: And I finished. I did every practice exam in the whole book.
Beverly: Oh, is that right? Explain this.
Barry: The correct answers just happened to form the Van Halen logo.
Beverly: And a dog?
Barry: Woof.
Beverly: A peace sign. Pac-man.
Barry: I love that game.
Beverly: And some hideous googly-eyed monster.
Barry: Well, that's actually you.
Beverly: Well, I'm putting this on the fridge, but I'm still enraged.
Barry: Let's just nip this conversation in the butt. Tests just aren't for me.

Quote from Adam

Adam: These bros get all the girls. Now that Dana and I broke up, I've got to learn their secrets.
Erica: Well, for starters, they don't have wonky voices, and they don't cry at "The Muppet Movie".
Adam: If "Rainbow Connection" doesn't move you to tears, then you're not alive.

Quote from Adam

Adam: What happened? It it's like I'm totally invisible to girls. At this rate, I'll never get another Dana.
Dave Kim: Dude, getting girls is easy.
Adam: You don't know anything about girls.
Dave Kim: All you need is a hook. Something that makes you stand out.
Emmy Mirsky: Yeah? And what's your hook?
Dave Kim: Turtlenecks. Sexy and comfortable.

Quote from Murray

Murray: Moron! You're gonna throw your whole life away like a moron, moron?
Barry: Wait! Did you just actually abandon your chair and TV to get involved?

Quote from Barry

Murray: Look, you're gonna prepare for that test. Your whole damn future depends on it.
Barry: Don't worry about my future. Trust me, I have a million awesome options.
Murray: I don't want to hear your options.
Barry: NBA superstar power forward, professional ninja, successful Eskimo, A.K.A. Success-kimo, and as a fallback, billionaire entrepreneur.
Murray: Spell "entrepreneur."
Barry: "A"-
Murray: Get in the car!

Quote from Beverly

Pops: Poor kid. H-he's been a wreck since he broke up with Dana.
Beverly: I know. It breaks my heart to see him like this. Past two years, all he's cared about is a girl. But now I've got my snuggle muffin back.
Pops: Yeah, you really sound torn up about it.
Beverly: I'm just saying it'll be nice to finally spend some time with him again. 'Cause the fact is, nothing heals a broken heart faster than mom time.
Pops: Did you say faster or weirder?

Quote from Beverly

Pops: Oh, no, he's flatlining! Go back, David! It's not worth it!
Beverly: Oh, Mr. and Mrs. Copperfield must be beside themselves!
Adam: You do know that walking through a solid wall of ancient Chinese rocks is humanly- Oh, balls!
Pops: Oh, you gave us quite a scare, you handsome bastard.
Beverly: So handsome. Mm-mm.

Quote from Adam

Pops: The kid is boned, Bevy. He's literally walking into walls.
Adam: Ow! Damn it! How does the gorgeous warlock do it?

Quote from Murray

Barry: Greetings, and thank you for coming. You may have wondered why I gathered you all here today.
Murray: Yes, I was wondering. See, I was sitting here watching "MacGyver", and you assembled these morons around me.

Quote from Barry

Erica: Wow. Are you still studying?
Barry: Even better! According to science, if I play this tape on a loop while I sleep, my brain will sponge up all the information and boom. My days are still free to be awesome.
Erica: Why can't you just do things like a normal person?
Barry: I guess I'm just a character. See you in the morning, knowledge.
[later:]
Barry: Wait. Erica, come quick. I'm the smartest man in the world. Ask me anything.
Erica: What does Gregarious mean?
Barry: To be like Greg.
Erica: Who is Greg?
Barry: Ah, it didn't work


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