Ashley: Daddy, isn't it great about Hilary? When do you think I'll get to move out?
Philip: Oh. Sweetheart, you know expressions like "when hell freezes over"? "When the cows come home"? "When donkeys fly"? Pick one.

Carlton: Will, you remember when we first started coming up here?
Will: Uh... Yeah, it was a weekend, wasn't it? I'm kidding, I'm kidding. I remember now. This place is always fly, man.
Carlton: Well, if you think today was fun, wait till you see what I got planned for the rest of the evening. After we power down our cocoas, there's a complimentary luge lesson. Followed by supper at 7, then back to the room for some hot spiced cider and a Barbara Walters Special.
Will: Now, normally, I would ditch you on that last one but, uh, I'm gonna let you in on a little something. Ever since I was like 7, I had a mad crush on Barbara Walters.
Carlton: I thought I was the only one. How do you feel about Nancy Reagan?
Will: Oh, see now you're being just sick.

Carlton: Were you or were you not supposed to be there at 11 p.m. sharp?
Will: [gibbers] I told you I had to drop Lisa off. Besides, I was there at 11:30.
Carlton: That's right. For 30 treacherous minutes I stood alone at the corner of Rexford and Olympic.
Will: Carlton, that's Beverly Hills.
Carlton: Yeah, the bad part. 90211.

Ashley: I can't believe it. My big sister's moving out.
Hilary: Oh, Ashley, mi casa es your casa. You can come over any time you want. Except for Tuesdays, when I shoot three shows and I really need my space. Oh, and Thursdays. I shop till about 9 and then I take a warm bath and read. Why don't you come over on Mondays between 11:15 and 2:30?
Ashley: Hilary, I'm in school.
Hilary: Well, if you can't find the time...

Carlton: Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
Will: What Carlton, what? What?
Carlton: No, no, no!
Will: What, Carlton, violent spasms? Tell me what to do.
Carlton: I didn't get the insurance.
Will: What?
Carlton: I put the car on my credit card and I didn't get the $6 insurance. You always wonder why they ask you to sign that waiver. Well, there it is.
Will: I don't know what's worse. Dying a slow agonizing death or staying alive and listening to you.

Vivian: Hilary, what are you doing?
Hilary: I'm putting tags on everything I'm taking with me.
Philip: Taking with you where?
Hilary: Oh, didn't I tell you? The other day when I went out to buy that sweater, I bought a house to match. Ha, ha.
Philip: Sweetheart, that's unbelievable.
Hilary: Do I know how to accessorize or what? [both laughing]
Vivian: Oh, you can't take all that stuff with you.
Philip: The hell she can't.
Hilary: Thanks, Daddy.
[Hilary puts a Post-It note on Geoffrey]

Geoffrey: Asking Miss Lisa for permission?
Will: First of all, Benson, I ain't gotta ask nobody for permission.

Carlton: That was a pretty nasty fall you took there, Will.
Will: Fall? Pfft. No, you must have been watching one of the other Black skiers.

Carlton: Your whole life does flash before your eyes. Which reminds me, you still owe me 20 bucks from three years ago.

Carlton: You know, Will, lately you've been completely unreliable. I just hope you don't disappoint me this weekend.
Will: This weekend? Oh. Oh, yeah, this weekend, yeah. Yeah.
Carlton: You have no idea what I'm talking about, do you?
Will: Yeah, yes I do. This weekend. You know, Saturday and Sunday.
Carlton: How you constantly disappoint me. What do we always do the first weekend after the new year?
Will: Your annual height check?