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‘It's a Wonderful Lie’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: It's a Wonderful Lie

514. It's a Wonderful Lie

Aired January 23, 1995

After Will lies about his plans even though Lisa said he could go out with his boys, they both end up at the same party. Worse, Will finds Ashley at the same frat party.

Quote from Will

Will: I ain't playing with you, come on.
Ashley: Will, you have no right to drag me home, I am not a child.
Will: Oh, you're just a grown woman now, huh?
Ashley: Listen, Will, I didn't do what you think I did.
Will: Look, I don't even wanna think about what you think I think you did.

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Quote from Philip

Philip: Look now, I could ground you forever. I could put bars on your windows, I could put locks on your doors.
Ashley: Daddy-
Philip: Don't "daddy" me. Do you have any idea what you put this family through? Running around doing God knows what with God knows who.
Ashley: If I would have asked you, you wouldn't have let me go.
Philip: You're darn right. You're 15 years old. You have no business at a party with college boys!
Ashley: All my friends were there.
Philip: Your friends don't live here! I can't do this. You talk to your daughter. I'm done. [exits]
Ashley: You guys hate me.
Vivian: Ashley, if that were true, we wouldn't care when you did something foolish like this.
Philip: [returns] What you have to understand is that we know what's best for you. It may not seem like that now, but one day you'll understand that. End of discussion. [exits]
Ashley: Mom, don't you understand?
Vivian: Yes, I understand. I understand you lied and you ran away.
Philip: [returns through another door] And another thing as long as you live in this house, you will follow our rules. That's it! [goes upstairs]
Ashley: Mom.
[Vivian raises her hand as she waits for Uncle Phil to slam the door]

Quote from Philip

Geoffrey: About this portrait, sir... Am I to be involved?
Philip: Well, I don't know, I suppose when it's finished, you'll dust it.

Quote from Will

Will: Come on, open the door, my girl's jacket is in there.
[After Will goes into the room, he quickly emerges with his eyes shut]
Bennie: Hey, Will, what's wrong, man?
[A frat boy walks out of the room... followed by Ashley]
Will: [sobbing] Baby, no!

Quote from Geoffrey

Geoffrey: You know, sir, if you really wanted to teach Miss Ashley a lesson you could always have her taken out of the portrait. Miss Ashley and I are about the same height, it would be a simple matter of painting my head on her body.

Quote from Hilary

Carlton: When we find Ashley, she's reimbursing me for gas. Where is she?
Hilary: Well, if it was me and I ran away from home I'd probably check into the Four Seasons and get a massage.

Quote from Philip

Vivian: Are you okay?
Ashley: Yeah, I'm all right.
Will: Now, we've got a bit of a volatile situation here. A powder keg if you will. A mishandling of this situation could have repercussions that will reverberate forever.
Philip: Vivian, call your sister and tell her she's about to lose her only child.
Will: I'm gonna call her and tell her myself.

Quote from Hilary

Ashley: Daddy, why do we have to do a family portrait anyway?
Philip: Well, we're in transition, sweetheart. And I want a portrait to capture us as we are before we drift further apart. By the way, Hilary, what are you doing here?
Hilary: Well, it's so dark at my house. None of the lights work.
Will: Hilary, you have to have the power turned on. Why don't you call the electric company?
Hilary: Well, I tried, but the phone doesn't work.

Quote from Will

Lisa: So, what's going on tonight?
Will: You know, I've been thinking, you really been neglecting your friends.
Lisa: Did you make plans with your friends?
Will: I can cancel them, baby.
Lisa: Will, you don't have to do that. I don't care if you wanna go with friends. Just tell me. Maybe I'll have my girlfriends over. We'll pop popcorn and dance to Janet in our nighties.
Will: How come we don't never do that in our nighties?

Quote from Jazz

Jazz: Hey, Ricky, Lucy let you out?
Will: Me? Last I heard, Jewel was patting you on your head and tossing you a treat.
Jazz: I'm here, ain't I? It's all about letting her know who wears the protective cup in the family. [pager beeps] Oh! You never saw me. [runs off]

Quote from Will

Lisa: I know that hand.
Will: Um... See, what had happened at first was... See, at first, I was at the game but then a sniper came. And... The coach had got shot.
Jana: I know someone who should be shot.
Lisa: Will, you lied to me.
Will: Wait. Now, wait a minute. Wait a minute, Lisa. Now, come on, now, if this was two months ago by now I'd have been up in this party in my drawers doing the Tootsie Roll. But I'm not having any fun right now. And you know why? Because I feel guilty. That's right, I'm at Hoochie Phi Hoochie and I ain't having no fun. Now, that's progress.
Will: Whoa, whoa. Wait, wait, wait. What about you... Miss Nightie-Wearing, Popcorn-Popping, Dancing-To-Janet Well-At-Least-That's-What-I'm-Going Tell-my-Boyfriend, Little-Party-Freak?
Lisa: Will, I wanted to stay home, but my girls wanted to come out.
Jana: This ain't no trial, you don't have to explain to him.
Will: Hush, puppy.

Quote from Lisa

Will: Oh, you know what, you're a regular old party girl now, Lisa. Why don't you break it down for her.
Ashley: Oh, okay. Well, let's see here, Ashley. Usually, at these parties there's a bunch of pathetic guys who have a good thing going on, but they think they're missing something so they go out scamming, looking for someone new.
Will: Think I can take it from here, Lis. Thanks for the ride home.
Lisa: Fine, Will, you do what you gotta do and you take your time, but we're gonna handle our business.

Quote from Will

Will: Ashley! Listen, I am not playing with you, girl. What is your problem?
Ashley: It is none of your business, Will.
Will: Oh, I found my 15-year-old cousin locked in a bedroom with a linebacker and that ain't none of my business? [Uncle Phil walks up behind Ashley] Hey, man. Um, we was talking about this movie we had seen. Um, the movie we just came from... It was about a linebacker and a fraternity. You know, and Larry Fishburne played the dean.
Philip: Shut up, Will.
Will: Is that the family room?

Quote from Carlton

Hilary: Carlton, Will's right. Daddy is way too strict.
Carlton: Well, he may be strict, but he's always fair.
Hilary: Yeah, when you're a son.
Carlton: Well, sons are different than daughters.
Will: In your case, just barely.
Carlton: If you're referring to the size of my endowment, it's almost as large as Hilary's.
Will: God, I hope you talking about money.

Quote from Will

Will: Hey, what up, Ash?
Ashley: Hi, Will.
Will: [chuckles] You mean we've been out running all over this city looking for you and you've been up in here?
Ashley: Well, I did run away. But there are some weirdoes out there. You know something, this is all your fault.
Will: What is that, like, the theme of this family? "When in doubt, blame Will."

Quote from Will

Michel: Stop. Don't move. Let me see you caress the syrup with your tongue.
Will: Why don't you let me see you caress a Tic Tac with your tongue?
Michel: When you are angry, your whole face, it has such character.
Will: Well, look, why don't you get up out of my character while I'm eating.
Michel: I must rush to the easel while the hostility is still fresh.

Quote from Carlton

Ashley: Dad, I hope he's not painting it tonight, a bunch of us are going ice skating.
Carlton: Yes, and I'm going to a Quayle in '96 Tupperware Party.

Quote from Will

Will: Yo, man, how come I don't know about that party?
Bennie: You out of the mix, man. You're married.
Will: Whoa, wait a minute. Just because I got a girl, don't mean I can't hang with my boys.
Bennie: Hey, cool, but be warned, there's gonna be females up in there. Girls will be swarming like bees.
Will: Let them swarm on back because I got the queen.
Bennie: Okay, but once the party starts buzzing, you're gonna wish your stinger was free.
Will: All right, hold, hold, hold, hold on. The honey is always sweeter at the hive.
Bennie: Now, you know bees got to go from flower to flower.
Will: Oh, yes, sir, but once they start pollinating, then they... Happen... Uh... Look, can we just talk, please?
Bennie: Fine, fine. But if you ask me, man, I think you need to dump that ball and chain. Hey, Lisa. Look at how cute... You are a lucky man.

Quote from Will

Lisa: Will, I'm serious. Our relationship is based on trust. I want you to have your own life.
Will: Yeah, you're right, you're right. I be tripping. I'm stupid.
Lisa: So, what are you guys gonna do?
Will: Uh... We... Uh, basketball. Yeah, we Yeah, we're going to a basketball game. It's the Clippers. The Clippers, they clipping. And, uh... Yeah, they playing against the uh... The, uh... Uh, the Twins.

Quote from Will

Tina: Hi, Will.
Will: Hey. Wait, you look familiar. Do you have, like, a really fat twin sister?
Tina: Will, it's me, Tina.
Will: Ten Tummy Tina? Girl, you must have lost 20... [she spins around] Eighty pounds. You look nice.
Tina: Thanks. You should get to know the new me. I really firmed up.
Will: I know the feeling.

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