Carlton: Mom, I think what Will is referring to is-
Vivian: [groans] [squeezes Carlton's hand] Oh, my God, the pains are getting closer. Carlton, honey, get up off the floor.
Carlton: My hand!
Vivian: What is wrong with everybody? [screams] Philip, pull up your damn pants and let's go!
Will: Hey, Aunt Viv, I wanna go, too.
Vivian: Thank you, sweetheart. You know, I could really use somebody to hold my hand. [Will pulls his hand back]

Geoffrey: Can I get you some tea, madam?
Vivian: That would be lovely, Geoffrey. Bring it to the laundry room. I'll be sitting on the dryer.

Ashley: Poor Mom.
Will: Poor Mom? Poor me. I saw Uncle Phil naked. And he was running.

Geoffrey: What a novel idea, that little bell.
Vivian: Geoffrey, would you get us all something to eat, please?
Geoffrey: Oh, golly, yes. Gee, it's great to be working in the big house.
Will: You've all met our butler, Chicken George?

Will: All right, come on, y'all. This ain't easy on Aunt Viv. I mean, the baby is a week late. [bell rings] All right, that bell is mine. Who's with me? All right, Hilary, you act like you're gonna hug her and then pin her arms down.
Carlton: I know the chokehold.
Will: Better.

Philip: Hold it, now. Now, that's enough. Now, you know this is harder on her than it is on us. We're her family, we have to be here for her.
Vivian: [comes downstairs] You guys, why isn't anybody answering my bell? Could somebody please come upstairs and keep me company? You hate me, don't you? Okay, I know this has been hard to take and this baby does not look like he's coming any time too soon so why don't we just take a breather from one another? [everyone runs out of the room as Vivian turns around] You know, just for a little while. Hello?

Vivian: Geoffrey, have you seen my bell?
Geoffrey: What bell?
Vivian: I don't blame you, Geoffrey, I've been pretty unbearable. Do you think my family is ever gonna come back?
Geoffrey: I doubt it. Why don't you sit down and let me make you some tea?
Vivian: Oh, Geoffrey, you know, you always know what to do.
Geoffrey: Now, you relax. If anything happens, Mr. Banks has Master William's beeper. And I'm sure your sisters will be back from the salon any minute.

Carlton: I don't see why women spend so much time in these places. [a woman walks by] Wow. Forget college, I'm going to beauty school. Look, if I'm not back in 20 minutes, be really happy for me.

Will: Way to go, speedy.
Philip: Shut up. You know, Will, I could have driven myself here for my examination.
Will: I don't think so, Uncle Phil. I think you're taking this sympathy pains thing just a wee bit too far.
Philip: Don't be ridiculous, Will. Oh, my God. I think my water broke. [checks buzzer] Oh, my God, it's Vivian. She's having the baby. We gotta get to the hospital!
Will: Uncle Phil, we in the hospital.
Philip: Good, 'cause I'm having a heart attack.

Will: Uh, false alarm, Uncle Phil. It's for me, it's Carla.
Philip: 4-0-2-4-3-6, that's no phone number.
Will: No, no, no, Uncle Phil, that's 40, 24, 36. Boom, bang, ka-boom!