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‘You Bet Your Life’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: You Bet Your Life

321. You Bet Your Life

Aired March 1, 1993

When Uncle Phil is too sick to join Will on a road trip to college, Carlton joins him instead and gets hooked on a slot machine at a roadside casino in Nevada.

Quote from Jazz

Jazz: Crocket anyone?
Will: Jazz, you all right, man? You got a kind of a Clark Kent-Urkel thing jumping all over you.
Carlton: Actually, Will, he looks like me.
Will: Well, yeah, that's what I was saying.
Jazz: I'm all ready for my trip to college. About time, too. I spent eight years in high school.
Will: Jazz, Uncle Phil is going to be my chaperon and I don't think he wants you to come, buddy.
Jazz: Well, I guess I better return these stupid, funky clothes. Here, Carlton.

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Quote from Will

Carlton: Oh, I don't get a good feeling about this place, Will.
Will: It's cool. I'll take care of it. [loudly] Uh, we ain't Black. We just got back from Hawaii.

Quote from Geoffrey

Geoffrey: Silly me. When I went to university, I actually spent most of my time studying.
Will: Well, yeah, but look at you now, G.
Geoffrey: Touche. Did you by any chance see Murder, She Wrote last week?
Will: No.
Geoffrey: Good. Watch your back.

Quote from Jazz

Will: You smell chicken?
Carlton: Forget about it, Will. Rule number 13, no poultry in the car.
Jazz: [o.s.] Are we there yet?
Carlton: Will, I think the engine's knocking.
Will: That's not where the engine is, stupid. [knocking]
Jazz: Chicken, my brother?
Will: Jazz, how did you get in the trunk?
Jazz: It was easy. Oh, by the way, you need a new lock for your garage. Wow. College. Just like I imagined it.

Quote from Jazz

Will: I mean, Jazz, we was right for leaving Carlton, right?
Jazz: Absolutely.
Will: I mean, I've been looking forward to this weekend for a long time. And there ain't no way that I should miss out on it just cause he got the hots for the slots.
Jazz: You on a roll with a side of slaw.
Will: I mean, what? He expect us to babysit him while he have a nervous breakdown? He's so selfish, man.
Jazz: That boy put the "E" in ignorant.

Quote from Will

Ashley: I just love having a little brother.
Hilary: Me, too. Isn't it cute the way he burps and drools and dribbles?
Will: Look, you guys, Carlton's 18 now. I don't think we should continue to encourage that type of behavior.

Quote from Will

Will: Hey, what up, C?
Carlton: Hey, Will.
Will: Uh. Bacon, avocado, and mayonnaise. Alex, the question is, "What are three things found in Uncle Phil's beard?"
Carlton: Yuck! Now, I lost my appetite. Thanks a lot, Will.
Will: No, thank you, man. [eats sandwich]

Quote from Carlton

Geoffrey: Ah, Master William, here are the maps you requested for your road trip.
Will: Yo, thanks a lot, G. Ah, University of Nevada. Where at graduation they don't wear their tassels on their caps, if you know what I'm saying.
Carlton: You sure are lucky, Will. Spending the weekend at a college campus with 4,000 hot coeds and you get to bunk with Dad and Sara Lee.

Quote from Will

Geoffrey: Hello, Master William.
Will: Hey, what's up, G? Hey, check it out. I just finished making my schedule for the weekend. Figure if I work fast, I can see everything that this college has to offer.
Geoffrey: This is a list of sororities.
Will: Yes, sir, from alpha to gamma to bad Mama-Jamma.

Quote from Hilary

Hilary: We're talking about the new baby. I never thought I'd actually enjoy taking care of one. [baby cries over monitor] It's for you, Geoffrey. We better get to the club.
Geoffrey: All right, but I draw the line at breastfeeding.

Quote from Philip

Will: Hey, Uncle Phil, you ready to burn some rubber, make some tracks? Cough up a lung?
Philip: No. It's okay. I'm fine. I never felt better. Call an ambulance.
Will: Whoa, whoa. Uncle Phil, man, you can't do this to me. I've been planning this trip for months. Hey, I tell you what. [Philip coughs] Come on, you can make it. There's a Dodger dog in it for you.
Philip: I'm sorry, Will, I don't think I can make it.
Will: No, no, no. Yes, you can. Come on, Uncle Phil. Come on.
Philip: Look, Will, you're just going to have to call the university and cancel, that's all.
Will: Uncle Phil, why can't you trust me to go by myself?
Philip: Because I'm smarter than the average bear.

Quote from Will

Carlton: Look, you have exactly 45 seconds to get back from the bathroom. If you're not back, I'm leaving without you.
Will: Carlton, it may take you 45 seconds but it takes a fully grown man a little while longer.
Carlton: Yeah, well, you just wasted about 15 seconds, buddy.

Quote from Jazz

Will: Whoa, whoa. Homer, Homer, Homer. Chill, check it out, man, look. I got $30. Jazz, how much you got?
Jazz: Well, between this soda can and what I got in my wallet I'm good for a nickel.

Quote from Jazz

Will: What do you say, Jazz? You turn my $30 into $300?
Jazz: Does James Brown use a hot comb?

Quote from Jazz

Will: Jazz, you lost all our money, man. I thought you said you knew how to play poker.
Jazz: Poker? You mean this isn't Go Fish?

Quote from Jazz

Jazz: I think I got the answer to our problem right here in my sock.
Will: Jazz, ain't nobody going to pay no money to see your sixth toe.
Jazz: Allow me, my brother.
Will: Yo, you've been holding out on me.
Jazz: I'm sorry. Emergency bean-pot fund. Miss Lola, can I interest you in a game of chance?
Lola: I'm listening.
Jazz: Okay. I'm thinking of a number between one and ten. What is it?
Lola: Four.
Jazz: Damn!

Quote from Jazz

Will: Look, I got the money for the car. We can leave. Come on.
Carlton: No, I can't. It's this damn thing. It just sits there taunting me. "What's wrong, Carlton?" "Lost your nerve, sissy boy?" Look, you got to help me, Will. Make it stop.
Will: Carlton.
Jazz: Okay, everybody, stand back. If I apply the Vulcan death grip, and press real hard right here I believe I can make him black out.

Quote from Jazz

Will: I'm just saying, look, it ain't no way I'm letting Carlton ruin this weekend.
Jazz: Are we slowing down?
Will: I mean, nothing, but nothing, should stand between a man and his Phi Beta booty.
Jazz: Will, you're only doing 20 over the speed limit. What's wrong?
Will: Look, didn't I say nothing's wrong, man? Except the fact that I got a tank full of gas, a campus full of honeys and all I keep thinking about is that little midget we left back there.
Jazz: Will, honestly, I don't think Ashley wanted to come along.
Will: I'm not talking about Ashley. I'm talking about Carlton, man. We left him back there without a friend in the world.
Jazz: Then he should feel right at home.

Quote from Will

Will: Whoa, wait a minute, man. You wait one damn minute! We brothers, man. This is crazy. I mean, we shouldn't be out here about to fight over a couple quarters. I mean, in this cruel, hard world we got to stick together, man. Or we done, man. And if you want to be the brother that casts the first stone for the degradation of the entire race then you go right ahead. [Bo hits Will with a punch to the face]

Quote from Carlton

Jazz: Did you get the feeling back in your head yet?
Will: You say something, Uncle Phil?
Carlton: Will, I just want to thank you for standing up for me.
Will: Man, look, it was nothing. What is family for? Plus, we shouldn't have left you there in the first place, man. Anything could have happened. I'm sorry about that.
Carlton: Are you crazy? I had the time of my life.
Will: What?
Carlton: Will, for a little while, I was living on the edge. I, Carlton Banks, recording secretary of the audio visual squad, was gambling, swearing, and staying up really, really late. I mean, I feel so liberated. Quick, open the back window.
Will: Yo, for what, man?
Carlton: I'm going to moon Nevada.
Jazz: Bottoms up.
Will: Oh, Carlton, come on, put that thing away. Someone's going to get hurt.
Carlton: Don't worry, Will. This is my lucky day. [sirens]
Will: I knew your butt was going to get us in trouble, man.

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