Jazz: Crocket anyone?
Will: Jazz, you all right, man? You got a kind of a Clark Kent-Urkel thing jumping all over you.
Carlton: Actually, Will, he looks like me.
Will: Well, yeah, that's what I was saying.
Jazz: I'm all ready for my trip to college. About time, too. I spent eight years in high school.
Will: Jazz, Uncle Phil is going to be my chaperon and I don't think he wants you to come, buddy.
Jazz: Well, I guess I better return these stupid, funky clothes. Here, Carlton.

Carlton: Oh, I don't get a good feeling about this place, Will.
Will: It's cool. I'll take care of it. [loudly] Uh, we ain't Black. We just got back from Hawaii.

Geoffrey: Silly me. When I went to university, I actually spent most of my time studying.
Will: Well, yeah, but look at you now, G.
Geoffrey: Touche. Did you by any chance see Murder, She Wrote last week?
Will: No.
Geoffrey: Good. Watch your back.

Will: You smell chicken?
Carlton: Forget about it, Will. Rule number 13, no poultry in the car.
Jazz: [o.s.] Are we there yet?
Carlton: Will, I think the engine's knocking.
Will: That's not where the engine is, stupid. [knocking]
Jazz: Chicken, my brother?
Will: Jazz, how did you get in the trunk?
Jazz: It was easy. Oh, by the way, you need a new lock for your garage. Wow. College. Just like I imagined it.

Will: I mean, Jazz, we was right for leaving Carlton, right?
Jazz: Absolutely.
Will: I mean, I've been looking forward to this weekend for a long time. And there ain't no way that I should miss out on it just cause he got the hots for the slots.
Jazz: You on a roll with a side of slaw.
Will: I mean, what? He expect us to babysit him while he have a nervous breakdown? He's so selfish, man.
Jazz: That boy put the "E" in ignorant.

Ashley: I just love having a little brother.
Hilary: Me, too. Isn't it cute the way he burps and drools and dribbles?
Will: Look, you guys, Carlton's 18 now. I don't think we should continue to encourage that type of behavior.

Will: Hey, what up, C?
Carlton: Hey, Will.
Will: Uh. Bacon, avocado, and mayonnaise. Alex, the question is, "What are three things found in Uncle Phil's beard?"
Carlton: Yuck! Now, I lost my appetite. Thanks a lot, Will.
Will: No, thank you, man. [eats sandwich]

Geoffrey: Ah, Master William, here are the maps you requested for your road trip.
Will: Yo, thanks a lot, G. Ah, University of Nevada. Where at graduation they don't wear their tassels on their caps, if you know what I'm saying.
Carlton: You sure are lucky, Will. Spending the weekend at a college campus with 4,000 hot coeds and you get to bunk with Dad and Sara Lee.

Geoffrey: Hello, Master William.
Will: Hey, what's up, G? Hey, check it out. I just finished making my schedule for the weekend. Figure if I work fast, I can see everything that this college has to offer.
Geoffrey: This is a list of sororities.
Will: Yes, sir, from alpha to gamma to bad Mama-Jamma.

Hilary: We're talking about the new baby. I never thought I'd actually enjoy taking care of one. [baby cries over monitor] It's for you, Geoffrey. We better get to the club.
Geoffrey: All right, but I draw the line at breastfeeding.