Vivian: And, Hilary, keep an eye on your little sister.
Hilary: Don't worry, mom, I see shopping at the mall as an educational experience for Ashley. When I see more and more young people shopping by catalog... Well, don't get me started.

Vivian: Alright, Philip, I'll see you at the car at 5 o'clock with the costume?
Philip: Oh, geez, Vivian, can't I wear a black robe and go as Thurgood marshal?
Vivian: Come on, Philip, be creative. Surprise me?
Philip: Okay. How about Sandra Day O'Connor?

Carlton: All right, Will. Let the great pick-up contest begin.
Will: Carlton, this is gonna be about as much of a contest as Mike Tyson versus Fred Savage.

Carlton: Okay, back to the bet. A "date" is defined as a female who arrives at the party by midnight tonight.
Will: And let me clarify something for you, Carlton: She has to be a human being. I saw you looking in the pet store.

Will: Have mercy. What's that, Jody? Yeah, you can pick me up at 8:00, baby. Yes, lord. Your red tube top.
Carlton: Asking out magazines, Will? I don't know. Even paper products have some standards.
Will: What's that, Jody? No, that's as tall as he'll ever be.

Philip: Hilary, you know I don't like wearing costumes.
Ashley: But, Dad, I'm coming to Hilary's party as a ballerina.
Philip: Well, that's the one thing I wanted to come as. And it's taken? So sorry.

Hilary: Please, Daddy, I want my Halloween party to turn out really good. Couldn't you wear, like, a very tailored clown suit or something?
Will: Go on, Uncle Phil. You just throw a hairpiece on and come as Mr. T.

Hilary: We better get going. I need to get my costume and the mall closes in eight hours.

Vivian: We all need costumes. Let's go. Won't this be fun?
Philip: No.
Vivian: Come on, Philip. Get in the Halloween spirit.
Philip: Boo.

Will: So, what's that, Carlton? You do not have a date for tonight.
Carlton: Like you do? Who are you taking, Page 42?
Will: Carlton, all I have to do is walk in a mall, and I get any girl I want. It's the law of nature. It's called the survival of the handsomest.
Carlton: Will, I don't even have to step into the mall. Girls surround me in the parking lot and rip the doors off my car.
Will: Would you like to put your money where your mouth is?
Carlton: Ah, a betting man.
Will: I bet you that I get a date and you don't.
Carlton: This is a sucker bet, Will. Within an hour, I'll have a gorgeous date and a great Halloween costume.
Will: You better buy the mask first.