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‘Will Gets a Job’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: Will Gets a Job

203. Will Gets a Job

Aired September 23, 1991

Will gets a job so he can stand on his own two feet and pay for prom himself.

Quote from Will

Will: Man, I thought a dip in the pool was gonna cool me off. But I'm blazing about what Uncle Phil said to me.
Geoffrey: Oh, I'm sure when he called you a sophomoric cretin, it was just a figure of speech.
Will: No, no. That didn't bother me. It's when he said I was just like Carlton.
Geoffrey: Yes, I can understand your concern. Sandwich?
Will: Yeah, sure. See, now, look, I know where I come from, man. I mean, I'm coming straight out of Philly, man, and I'm proud of that. Hey, could you put that on a croissant for me?
Geoffrey: Certainly. You know, Master William, we all change.
Will: Hey, look, man, I haven't changed, I'm not gonna change and I'm not down with this bougie stuff.
Geoffrey: Swiss?
Will: No, Gorgonzola. Hey, man, I'm telling you, if there is one dude in the world that's the total opposite of Carlton, it's this guy standing right here, man. Hey, thanks a lot, G. Yo, man, how you gonna play a brother on the Grey Poupon?

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Quote from Carlton

Carlton: Well, I might as well face it. I'm irresistible to women. Now I know what Tom Jones feels like.

Quote from Vivian

Philip: Vivian, you don't expect me to condone his behavior.
Vivian: Baby, I know that falling asleep is not a good thing. But your own secretary has said that she's had to nudge you awake after you've had Mexican food.
Philip: Only after the El Presidente Platter.
Vivian: And he should go to practice, but it is an extracurricular activity. It's a lot like you going to the gym, and, as I recall, the last time you were there I think the Jeffersons were still trying to move on up.
Philip: That's different. I'm starting back Monday.

Quote from Will

Will: [British accent] Would you likes to order before I bring you back the menus?
Ashley: l'll have an iced tea, please.
Hilary: Perrier with a twist of lemon.
Philip: I don't know. I just can't seem to decide.
Will: Well, sir, we've got all three flavors of Slim-Fast.
Philip: I'll have a cola, wise guy.

Quote from Will

Vivian: Come on, kids! Tip-off's in 30 minutes!
Philip: Carlton, you seen my keys?
Will: Excuse me, what did you call me?
Philip: l called you Will.
Will: No, you didn't. You called me Carlton. I'm not Carlton, okay? I don't look like Carlton. I don't act like Carlton and, most importantly, I don't look like Carlton.

Quote from Philip

Philip: You see that, Vivian? Outright defiance. That boy just does whatever he wants to, and I am sick of it!
Vivian: This just doesn't seem like Will.
Philip: Vivian, can we just drop the subject and go have dinner?
Vivian: Look, Philip, I know that I don't have all the facts but if Will says he has a job, I believe him.
Philip: Vivian, you are so naive. You'd believe that boy if he were to tell you he was a big rap star whose album just went platinum.

Quote from Will

Vivian: Ashley, sweetheart, what an interesting choice of restaurants. It's so, um, pirate-esque.
Will: [British accent] Welcome to the briny deep, where none of our prices are ever too steep. We've got fresh fish. You can look in our tank. To get to the bathroom, make a left at the plank. Follow me.
Carlton: Get a load of his costume. You couldn't pay me to wear an outfit like that.
Will: I think you'll be needing a booster seat, little boy.

Quote from Philip

Philip: I don't get it, Will. Why the job?
Will: I just wanted to pay for the homecoming myself.
Philip: But I gave you a check.
Will: I tore it up.
Philip: Why?
Will: 'Cause you were right, Uncle Phil. Man, I'm getting soft. I'm a man, and a man should be able to stand on his own two feet make his own way, like you did. I mean, a man does it for himself. I mean, it's a hard road to travel, but after you travel it and you look back on what you accomplished, you can say, "l did that. I'm a man."
Philip: That's the biggest load of bull I've heard since I left the farm. Nobody does anything without help, Will. People opened doors for me, and I've worked hard to open doors for you. It doesn't make you any less of a man to walk through them.

Quote from Geoffrey

Hilary: All right, you pervert, hand over my Victoria's Secret catalog.
Carlton: This one's Geoffrey's. He filled out the order form.
Hilary: Geoffrey, you know a woman with a 46D cup?
Geoffrey: No, but if there's a God in heaven I will by Christmas.

Quote from Will

Carlton: Geoffrey, I'm famished. Can you make me a Gorgonzola sandwich on a croissant, heavy on the Grey Poupon?
Geoffrey: Certainly.
Carlton: Thanks. [exits]
Will: Oh, my God. Uncle Phil was right, G. I'm turning into Carlton. All right, that's it. No more of these sissy sandwiches. No more, no more valet parking. And no more of these preppy parties, man. Oh, oh, and that homecoming? No, you can kill that noise. I'm gonna call Cindy right now, and I'm gonna tell her the whole thing is off. Oh, and this check that Uncle Phil gave me? Now you see it, now you don't. Yo, the funky Fresh is back in the flesh with a vengeance, homes. [Geoffrey picks up the plate] Hey, hey, hey. I'm gonna eat that though. But I ain't gonna enjoy it.

Quote from Carlton

Will: Yo, what's up, y'all? You know if Uncle Phil's in a good mood? I'm trying to hit him up for $50 for the homecoming.
Carlton: Will, $50 is only gonna cover the tickets. There's still the tux, the limousine, the pre-party party, the post-party party, and, in your case, bail.
Will: Yeah, you're right. This could cost a fortune.
Hilary: Oh, That's okay. Daddy's got a fortune. I always find that when you ask for large sums, it helps if you take his hand look deep into his eyes, and tell him you have cramps.
Carlton: That only worked for Hilary. When I tried it he sent me to a specialist.

Quote from Will

Philip: Will, we have to talk.
Will: Yeah, sure, Uncle Phil. What's the problem?
Philip: You missed basketball practice. You've been falling asleep in class and you missed curfew twice this week. I want an explanation.
Will: And you deserve an explanation. All right? And I have an incredible one that I'd like to give you next week. But then again, I'd like to see next week... so maybe I should give it to you now. I got a job.
Vivian: Well, why are we just now hearing about it?
Will: Because l wanted to surprise you.
Philip: Look, I wasn't born yesterday. I expect you to honor your commitments, and I expect you to be honest. Now, until you can tell me the truth, you are grounded. No TV, no phone calls, and no visitors.
Will: But... Why don't you just do me like Kunta Kente and chop off my foot?

Quote from Will

Will: Thirty seconds on high, Spock. Energize. [buzzing] [imitating Chekov] Captain, we're going into a warp drive, we're running low on dilithium crystals. [imitating Kirk] Do something, Bones. [imitating Bones] Jim, I'm a doctor, damn it, not a short-order cook.
Hilary: Quit playing around. I want to heat up my Sara Lee.
Will: Can you use the regular oven?
Hilary: Do I look like Wilma Flintstone?
Carlton: That smells delicious. Can I have some?
Will: Come on, beat it, man. There's barely enough for me. [removes a pair of underpants from the oven] Ah, just the way I like them toasty warm.

Quote from Will

Vivian: Can we discuss this in the car? I don't want to be late.
Hilary: Yeah, you remember what happened last time? They ran out of pasta salad in the VIP section.
Will: [scoffs] And they didn't, like, stop the game? Aunt Viv, look, I'm sorry. I'm just not down with this b-ball thing at least not the way y'all do it.
Vivian: Then I take it you won't be going to the game?
Will: I didn't exactly say that. What I was saying is that I'm just not down with it the way you guys do it, you know. I mean, if I do it, I want to sit in the $2 seats where my feet be sticking to the floor and a big, fat, crusty, bloated dude is sitting behind me belching in my ear. I mean, any other way is unnatural.

Quote from Will

Philip: Vivian, let's not let Will ruin our dinner. [Will hits Uncle Phil with a napkin]
Vivian: He hasn't ruined anything for me. I think he's a great kid.
Will: Complimentary champagne for the lovely young lady.
Philip: I'll have a glass of that, too.
Will: Sorry, man, we ain't got no more.

Quote from Will

Will: I never really looked at it like that. You know, Uncle Phil? I guess it ain't so bad being like one of your kids.
Philip: Uh, thank you.
Will: Of course, if I had my choice, I'd pick Ashley but...

Quote from Hilary

Will: I think I can handle this myself, guys.
Hilary: Compliment his clothes, you know? Tell him that he's lost some weight.
Carlton: But no more than 20 pounds, and it helps to keep a straight face.
Will: Why don't I just get on my hands and knees and beg?
Hilary: Well, that's only worth $25. Besides, it's really hard on your knees.

Quote from Will

Will: Hey, Uncle Phil. Man, you've lost weight.
Philip: Thanks a lot, Will.
Will: And that suit you got on... Man, it's great how it accentuates your massive... weight loss, man.
Philip: Anything else?
Will: Yeah, there is one other thing. [grabs Uncle Phil's hand] I got cramps.

Quote from Will

Philip: How much? What's it cost? And will I get sued?
Will: Actually, now that you mention it, I could use, like, 200 bones for the homecoming.
Philip: Well, fine. I'll write you a check. You know, Will, I never thought I'd say this but you've become like one of my own. I could close my eyes, and I'd swear I'm talking to Carlton.
Vivian: Hi, Will. Are you all right?
Will: Well, Uncle Phil... Uncle Phil just said that I was just like one of your kids. He said I was just like C- He said I was just like... your son. [clears throat]
Vivian: Oh, and you are, sweetheart. And it's about time he realized it.
[Will shakes his head to camera]

Quote from Carlton

Tina: Whoa! Whoa! Look at that guy in the swimsuit. Is he buffed or what?
Ashley: Where? I don't see a buffed guy. I only see Carlton.
Tina: Oh, God. He's coming over here. I can't look. Hand me a missionary.
Carlton: Hey, Ashley, how's the science project coming?
Ashley: Oh, it's going great. Carlton, this is Tina. Tina, this is my brother, Carlton.
Carlton: Hi, Tina.
Tina: Hi. I love your towel.
Carlton: Thanks. Well, I got to go prepare for debate practice.
Tina: You're on the debate team? That is so cool.
Carlton: I must say it is refreshing to see the younger generation taking an interest in the art of persuasion. It's my favorite extracurricular activity, next to table tennis.
Tina: You're athletic, too? I should have known by your bulging forearms.
Carlton: They, uh, do draw stares.

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