Philip: There is no way I'm gonna let her parade around on some beach hawking Jet cola in nothing but a skimpy bikini.
Will: And showing that can all over national TV. And I ain't talking about the soda.

Hilary: Carlton, this is crazy.
Carlton: Hilary, we had no choice. We needed a place till we find him a permanent home.
Hilary: And what's gonna happen if Dad finds out there's a horse in the back yard?
Carlton: He'll blame Will like he always does.
Hilary: Oh, okay.

Will: I am telling you, Uncle Phil, I was there and that commercial was nothing but a disgusting, gratuitous display of... Just call it what it is. Smut.

Will: Whoa! Ha-ha-ha! Hey. Well, Uncle Phil, man. How long you been standing there? You know, you're a light stepper for a big fella.
Philip: What did you just say, Nicky?
Nicky: Ashley's at the commercial.
Philip: Oh, how could she do this, huh? In direct defiance of... of... of...
Will: The king of the jungle?

Nicky: Big man, short fuse. Bad combination.

Will: Well, she's not here, Uncle Phil. Let's go.
Philip: We just got here.
Will: Well, you know, Uncle Phil, as I look around you know, the level of nakedness isn't as high as I had previously assumed.

Philip: Ashley.
Ashley: Daddy, what are you doing here?
Philip: What am I doing here? What are you doing here? You defied me. Now, you go get your clothes and you come with me right now.
Ashley: Daddy, I-
Philip: I don't wanna hear it. Coming down here and doing this commercial after I expressly forbade it.
Ashley: I just quit the commercial.
Philip: Well... Uh...
Will: You should be ashamed of yourself. Not trusting Ashley. I knew she would never do it. Mama knows, child. Come here.
Philip: Shut up, Will.

Woman: Listen, I'm taking over. I need to know where your wardrobe is.
Ashley: Um, it's in the dressing room in the back.
Woman: Too bad your daddy won't let you do the commercial. Better off leaving it to the big girls.
Will: Whoo-hoo-hoo. Whoo-hoo. Little cat in you, huh, girl? Little leopard skirt on. Rawr.
Ashley: You know, let's just go.
Woman: Yep. You better make it home before Saved by the Bell starts.
Philip: Excuse me, miss. No one talks to my daughter that way. So maybe you and your little horsehair weave should just mosey on before I get really upset.
Woman: Better some horsehair than some no hair.
Ashley: Oh, wait. I don't think so.
Philip: Oh, no. Ashley. Ashley. Ashley. It ain't worth it. It ain't worth it. Sweetheart, you go to your dressing room and put on your costume. Because I think Frank's gonna need some class to sell his drink.

Ashley: [to the model] And, by the way, your mother.
Will: Mama. It's "mama," Ashley. Mama. It's "your mama."

Will: Hey, Ashley, I gotta tell you. I think this commercial thing is gonna be all right. You know, all them new friends you made today. How you got all their telephone numbers. That was cool. I'll give you $20 apiece for each of them. Hey, except for that cat girl. She had a beard.