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‘I, Stank Hole in One’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: I, Stank Hole in One

621. I, Stank Hole in One

Aired May 6, 1996

Ashley wants to go to performing arts school in New York and thinks a TV commercial will help her application. Meanwhile, Hilary and Carlton rescue a race horse that's about to be retired.

Quote from Hilary

Hilary: I'm so excited. I just know I'm gonna win. I have a system that can't miss.
Will: Oh, yeah? What's that?
Hilary: I bet on every horse.
Will: Hilary, one of them has to win.
Hilary: I know and it doesn't matter which one. Isn't it great?

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Quote from Geoffrey

Will: Hey, G, we're going down to the race track today, man. You wanna put a couple of ones on a bet?
Geoffrey: Well, I'm not much of a gambler, Master William, but since you're going... Back wheel the eighth with the one on top of the two, three and six. And in the fifth, par tri the three eight with the two and five.
Will: You got yourself a secret life going, don't you, G?

Quote from Will

Philip: You don't think I was too rough on Ashley?
Will: Are you tripping? You are the leader of the pack. It is your right. No, no, no. Scratch that. It is your duty as a male to assert your dominance. There, I said it, your dominance.
Philip: Really? Because your Aunt Vivian wasn't as supportive of my approach.
Will: Your approach? Man, I got one thing to say about your approach: Woof, woof, woof. You are the king of the jungle, Mufasa.
Philip: Yes, I am. Yes, I am.
Will: You are the ruler of all that you survey.
Philip: Yes.
Will: You will be obeyed!
Philip: I will be obeyed!
Will: That's right.
Philip: Yes. [as Ashley walks by] Hi, sweetie, you look awfully pretty. Well, I guess I showed her.
Will: You ain't nothing but Simba.

Quote from Nicky

Nicky: Mommy and Daddy won't let me watch Bad Boys.
Will: Bad Boys, huh? What you gonna do?
Nicky: I know what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna run away from home.
Will: Oh, Nick. Man, come here. You're running away from home?
Nicky: That's right. I'm out of here.
Will: Whoa, whoa. Hold on a second, there, little traveling man. You running away from home, you gonna need some food. You know, bums, they don't like to share. Here you go, a little grub. Hey, and it gets a little chilly out in that night air so you probably need a jacket and a hat. Yeah. Oh, you know. And here's a few bucks, you know, in case something jump off out there. All right. You good to go, little bro.
Nicky: Aren't you gonna try and stop me?
Will: Try to stop you? No, man, with you gone that's more food for me, you know. Plus, I get to keep your turtle and that banging little bike you got.
Nicky: My turtle and my bike?
Will: I mean, somebody gotta claim all that stuff. All right, I'll stay. But not because I'm scared. Not because you're taking my stuff. And not because of that reverse psychology you tried to use on me.
Will: Well, then why you gonna stay?
Nicky: I'm 5, you dork.

Quote from Will

Ashley: Where's Carlton?
Will: Oh, he's in the stables with the jockeys. He's never been the tallest person in a room before.

Quote from Carlton

Carlton: Some short stack told me to get out of the paddock area. God, that feels great to say.

Quote from Philip

Ashley: Hi, Daddy.
Philip: Don't you "hi, Daddy" me. Just when were you planning on telling me about your little soft-core drink commercial?
Ashley: [to Will] You.
Philip: We would've found out eventually.
Will: Yeah, even though they're not showing that much of her face.
Ashley: I don't believe this. You're both being hypocrites. You sit there glued to the set anytime Baywatch comes on.
Philip: [stammers] Well, that's only because I have trouble sleeping and the sound of the waves gently caressing the shore helps relax me.

Quote from Ashley

Will: What's up, Ash? [Ashley turns the volume up] What you watching? You know, I have no idea what got into the big guy!
Ashley: You got into him. You're the rat that dimed me out.
Will: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Wait a minute, Ashley. Now that hurts. I'm offended by that characterization.
Ashley: Oh, I'm sorry. You don't like rat. How about snake? Weasel? Doody-head?
Will: Don't be calling me no doody-head.

Quote from Ashley

Ashley: Will, you know how much going to the School of Performing Arts means to me and how much that commercial would help.
Will: Wait a minute. That commercial was degrading.
Ashley: Oh, really? It was? Uh, which part? The part where I'm in clothes driving the car? The part where I'm in sweats drinking the cola? The part where I'm rollerblading? No. All you focused on were the seven seconds I was in a bathing suit playing volleyball. I play volleyball in a bathing suit all the time. Am I degrading myself?
Will: I- I didn't know about all them other parts.
Ashley: Exactly. Because you didn't ask. All that mattered to you and Dad was your narrow-minded maleness. You know, this job may not be my dream job but, regardless, it's my dream. You and Dad have nothing to do with it.

Quote from Will

Ashley: You know what? I should just go and do it anyway.
Will: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Wait. Wait a minute. Now... Now, I realize you're excited and you're a little upset but Uncle Phil is a big man. He's a very big man with a very short fuse. Bad combination. Very bad combination.
Ashley: Goodbye. [exits]
Will: Bad talk. Very bad talk.

Quote from Nicky

Will: Nick, have I ever kept you from achieving your dreams?
Nicky: Not many.
Will: I mean, you wouldn't call me narrow-minded, would you?
Nicky: You just don't get it, do you? I'm 5, you dork.

Quote from Will

Ashley: Will, which one do you think your friend Frank will like best? This one? Or this one? God, I wanna get into the New York School of Performing Arts so bad.
Will: Well, Ash, I don't think they pick their students by what they're wearing.
Ashley: Do you think he'll recommend me?
Will: Not if you keep spinning around like that, girl.

Quote from Will

Carlton: Hey, everybody, look. Wednesday Bingo is running out of post position five.
Will: [giddy] Not post position five!
Carlton: That's his favorite position. It's the same position he had when he won his first race. Oh, I still remember him standing in that winner's circle looking up to me as if to say: "Tsk, tsk. This one's for you, little man."
Will: You sure his tail wasn't up in the air at the time?

Quote from Will

Philip: New York. Isn't that a bit of a drive every morning? [chuckles]
Ashley: How cute, Daddy. I'd have to live there, of course.
Philip: Oh, of course you would, muffin. Of course, it's always been my dream to send my underage daughter off to New York unsupervised. Isn't that every parent's dream?
Ashley: Daddy, you'll warm to the idea.
Philip: Sweetheart, just remember that the road to New York goes through me.
Will: What, that be like a six-lane highway?

Quote from Carlton

Carlton: I can feel it. He's about to make his move.
Will: He ain't even leave the gate yet, man.
Carlton: Well, he's just psyching out the other horses.
Announcer: [v.o.] At the wire, it's Rest Darling by a nose. Lilac Lady, second and Daddy's Best, third. Wednesday Bingo is... taking a nap.
Carlton: You just wait till he wakes up.

Quote from Will

Carlton: Will, cheer him up. Sing him a song.
Will: Man, I ain't singing him no song.
Carlton: [sings] The sun'll come out Tomorrow [Hilary and Ashley join in] Bet your bottom dollar That tomorrow There'll be sun
Vet: I'm afraid the sun won't be coming out tomorrow for that old boy.
Carlton: What do you mean?
Vet: Too many years. Too many races. The owner wants me to put him down.
Carlton: When?
Vet: Tomorrow.
Will: [sings] It's only a day away...

Quote from Carlton

Carlton: Oh. And this was when he was just a yearling. Oh, and look, this is when he won his first race. Look, Will.
Will: Carlton, I ain't trying to be looking at that horse all day, man. Now, look, just watch some TV and take your mind off of it, all right?
Man: [on TV] Hello. I'm Mister Ed.
Carlton: [wails] You bastard!

Quote from Ashley

Ashley: Wow, Carlton seems pretty upset. I think what he needs is a refreshing pick-me-up beverage that's not too sweet and not too heavy.
Will: What?
Ashley: You know my motto. If you're a woman on the go like me, things can get rough. And when they do, don't sweat, drink Jet. Jet cola that is.
Will: Oh, my God. You been sipping that gin and juice.
Vivian: Hi, guys.
Will: Oh, Ashley, look. Now eat these mints and whatever you do, don't talk. Here.
Ashley: I don't need a mint.

Quote from Will

Will: This don't seem that hard. You know my motto. If you're a woman on the go like me, things can get rough. And when they do, don't sweat, y'all. Drink Jet. Jet cola that is.
Geoffrey: Well, then, be a woman on the go. Leave so I can vacuum.

Quote from Will

Will: Hey, Frank. I got to tell you, man, it's guys like you make life worth living. Bringing all these beautiful women to us during all our favorite programs. Mm. Man, you ought to have a billboard with your face on it. You ought to be... [sees Ashley] ashamed of yourself!
Ashley: Will. Will.
Will: That's a wrap!

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