Carlton: I'm in. Ha-ha-ha. Will, come here.
Will: Okay. "Bank of Bel-Air"? Carlton, how did you tap into those records?
Carlton: Well, I overrode the configuration files and deleted the encrypted password.
Will: Goodness. [imitating announcer] It's Hack Boy, the stubby-fingered avenger.
Carlton: Go ahead and joke. But sometimes you have to go around the law to expose the greater evil. Ashley's hiding $10,000. Now, where did she get that kind of money?
Will: Maybe she's... [announcer voice] Counterfeit Girl, the sister of Hack Boy.

Ashley: Will, my homeroom teacher insists on meeting my parents. I've already canceled five times. She wants to see someone tonight.
Will: Ashley, you're just gonna have to come clean with Uncle Phil.
Ashley: I can't. I'm waiting for the right time.
Will: And when is that?
Ashley: When we go shopping for my cap and gown.
Will: That's assuming that you're gonna live till graduation.

Miss Sharpe: You wanna call your parents and see what happened?
Ashley: No. Maybe we should reschedule again.
Miss Sharpe: Ashley. Is there something you wanna tell me?
Ashley: Miss Sharpe, the truth is I...
Will: [in deep voice] Ashley. There's my little bran muffin.
Miss Sharpe: Oh. Is this your father?
Ashley: Sure. Heh. Miss Sharpe, this is, uh, Daddy.

Miss Sharpe: Well, anyway, about Ashley's schoolwork. You should be very proud of her. She does excellent work. She participates actively in class and she's just a pleasure to have around.
Will: You know, that runs in the family.
Miss Sharpe: Yes. Well. Ahem. Do you have any questions?
Ashley: No. Not a one.
Will: Well, thank you for your time, Miss Sharpe. What do you say we have the next meeting at my place, huh?
Miss Sharpe: Well, I don't know.
Ashley: Thanks for being so understanding. Come on, Daddy. It's time for your pill.

Philip: You knew about this.
Ashley: No. Will didn't do anything wrong.
Will: That's right, you tell him, Ashley.
Ashley: If anything, I should thank Will. He's the whole reason I transferred.
Will: Whoa, whoa. Pull it back, baby. Pull it back. Like I'm doing. Pull it back.

Vivian: Ashley, honey, you lied to us.
Ashley: I knew you'd say no.
Vivian: But, honey, we just want you to have the best education possible.
Ashley: Mom, Bel-Air Academy doesn't equal better. You and Dad both went to public schools.
Will: Whoa, good point, Ash.
Ashley: Can't we at least discuss this?
Philip: I believe we just did.

Hilary: Will, I took your advice and reached out to our brothers and sisters. Heh. Look at this.
Hilary: [on tape] Thank you. Thank you. Hello and welcome to Hilary. As an African American woman I'd like to dedicate this show to all my sisters. Presenting fashions from the motherland. [African musican playing] Inga is wearing a hand-woven dashiki from Nairobi. Her jewelry is from the Ivory Coast and her weave is from Whoopi Goldberg's House of Hair. Work it, you Nubian princess, you. Ha, ha. Our next model is Buffie.
Will: Um, Hil, I just I... I really wanna commend your attempt to reach out to your African American viewers, but you forgot one thing.
Hilary: What?
Will: African Americans.
Hilary: Oh.

Will: Carlton, she went to private school, didn't she?
Carlton: Touche. But there's a bigger issue here. People talk. What if an admissions officer at Princeton found out my sister was going to public school? I mean, my God.

Miss Sharpe: I thought if we met I could allay any concerns you might have.
Philip: Well, Miss Sharpe you made quite an impression upon my daughter. But, with all due respect, I am thoroughly satisfied with the education Ashley is receiving at Bel-Air Academy.
Ashley: Well, perhaps you're not aware of Morris High's academic achievements.
Philip: Miss Sharpe, I don't doubt that Morris High is a fine institution but I've already made my decision.
Miss Sharpe: I'm sorry to hear that.
Ashley: One of the things I've admired about Ashley is her open mind.
Philip: Well, she gets that from her mother.

Will: Uncle Phil, the phone... Ooh. Hey, listen, man. I can explain everything. Look, I was dizzy, then I came... I was...
Miss Sharpe: Uh, you must be Will. I'm Miss Sharpe.
Will: Oh, nice to meet you for the first time ever in life. Hey, you know, Uncle Phil, that's the first time I ever met her in life.
Miss Sharpe: Mr. Banks, we were profiled here in Education Today. Maybe if you read it, you'll reconsider.
Philip: Nice to meet you. Sorry you had to drive out here for nothing.
Miss Sharpe: Yeah. Bye.
Will: Bye. Nice to meet you for the first time ever in life.