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Father Knows Best

‘Father Knows Best’

Season 5, Episode 7 - Aired October 24, 1994

After Will finds out that Ashley has switched schools without her parents' knowledge, he pretends to be Ashley's father to meet her teacher, Miss Sharpe (Renée Jones).

Quote from Will

Ashley: You just had to go back. We were out the door, Will. We were free. Free!
Will: Look, ease up, Miss Tubman. You know, Miss Sharpe gave us the weekend to break it to Uncle Phil. Now, let's go over this evil twin story again.

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Quote from Will

Will: Ashley, what are you doing?
Ashley: Changing for school. See, um... Today is, uh, casual day.
Will: Well, uh, that sounds like the, uh, truth.
Ashley: Actually, Will, I've been keeping a secret. And if I don't tell someone, I'm gonna explode.
Will: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Don't tell me. If I know, I can't say I don't know when you get busted and Uncle Phil start rounding up the usual suspects. And I am the usual suspects.

Quote from Will

Will: Whoa, if it isn't Belly D. Williams. I'm just kidding. Just kidding. You look great. Where you all going?
Philip: Oh, fundraiser at the museum. Boy, do I hate these things.
Vivian: Then why agree to be on the Board of Trustees?
Philip: Well, I'm a judge and judges are supposed to be on boards.
Will: Well, it's just that with you, it's usually a smorgasbord.

Quote from Ashley

Will: Ashley, no. Now, I'm sorry that you got yourself into this little predicament. But trying to blame it on me, now, that's just low.
Ashley: You're right. I can't believe I said that. You've always been so good to me. I'm just so desperate. I'm a terrible, terrible person. [sobbing]
Will: No No, no. Look, don't cry, Ashley. Come on. Come on, all right. We'll figure a way out of this, all right?
Ashley: Thanks, Will. You're a saint. [Ashley smiles and flicks her hair as she walks away]
Will: Wait. What was that?
Ashley: What?
Will: You smiled. I saw your reflection in the window.
Ashley: Oh, no. That was a happy smile. See?
Will: I don't believe I fell for them crocodile tears. Girl, you're on your own.
Ashley: All right, fine! Be that way! But if I go down, I'm taking you with me.
Will: Ashley. I didn't do nothing.

Quote from Will

Ashley: [sighs] It's a miracle this whole thing worked.
Will: What you talking about, girl? Denzel ain't the only brother than can act.
Ashley: Well, at least this buys me some time before I have to break the news to Daddy. Well, I have to get my history books. You stay right here, Rhaul.
Will: I made that up.

Quote from Will

Miss Sharpe: Mr. Banks, did you forget something?
Will: Uh, you know, I'm glad you asked. I, uh, forgot to give you the number to my direct line.
Miss Sharpe: Look, I'm very flattered, but-
Will: You know that is an absolutely intoxicating fragrance that you're wearing.
Miss Sharpe: Uh... Come closer.
Will: Hey.
Miss Sharpe: That's a fake mustache.
Will: No, it's not.
Miss Sharpe: [rips it off] Yes, it is.
Will: No, it's not.
Miss Sharpe: Look, I don't know who you are, but I'm calling your real parents right now.
Ashley: Will?
Will: No, it's not.
Ashley: Miss Sharpe.
Will: It's not.

Quote from Philip

Philip: What the hell are you talking about?
Ashley: Daddy, I withdrew from Bel-Air Academy six weeks ago and transferred to Morris High. [Will ducks behind a couch]
Vivian: You what?
Philip: I'm not mad.
Will: You're not? And you thought he was gonna be mad.
Philip: Well, you transferred out, you'll transfer back. Tomorrow, when I wake up, Ashley will be back in Bel-Air Academy and maybe Will won't even be here.
Ashley: Daddy, I'm not going back. [Will ducks again]
Philip: Now I'm mad.

Quote from Hilary

Ashley: Daddy, Will made me realize how limited my life has been. I wanna be with real people with real concerns.
Philip: Oh, and people in Bel-Air don't have real concerns?
Carlton: It's pronounced Porsche.
Hilary: Porsche.
Carlton: Porsche.
Hilary: Porsche.

Quote from Hilary

Hilary: Good morning, everyone.
Will: Hey, Hil. So, what's today's Black topic? Amish rap stars?
Hilary: I'm through chasing one specific demographic. Thanks to my leopard skin midriff top, I hit an all-time high with male viewers. I got more men yesterday than Sally Jesse Raphael gets in a year.
Will: How hard could that be?

Quote from Will

Ashley: I dropped out of Bel-Air Academy and I've been going to public school since the beginning of the semester.
Will: I didn't hear that.
Ashley: I said I dropped out.
Will: I heard what you said, Ashley. Ash, what are you? How can you do that?
Ashley: It was easy. I forged all the papers, took Daddy's tuition money and put it in an interest-bearing account. Pretty good, huh?
Will: You're tripping? No, no- No, no. You're worse than tripping. You've fallen and you can't get up. And he will find out. And when he does, he's going to ground you into dust.

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