Ashley: You just had to go back. We were out the door, Will. We were free. Free!
Will: Look, ease up, Miss Tubman. You know, Miss Sharpe gave us the weekend to break it to Uncle Phil. Now, let's go over this evil twin story again.

Will: Ashley, what are you doing?
Ashley: Changing for school. See, um... Today is, uh, casual day.
Will: Well, uh, that sounds like the, uh, truth.
Ashley: Actually, Will, I've been keeping a secret. And if I don't tell someone, I'm gonna explode.
Will: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Don't tell me. If I know, I can't say I don't know when you get busted and Uncle Phil start rounding up the usual suspects. And I am the usual suspects.

Will: Whoa, if it isn't Belly D. Williams. I'm just kidding. Just kidding. You look great. Where you all going?
Philip: Oh, fundraiser at the museum. Boy, do I hate these things.
Vivian: Then why agree to be on the Board of Trustees?
Philip: Well, I'm a judge and judges are supposed to be on boards.
Will: Well, it's just that with you, it's usually a smorgasbord.

Will: Ashley, no. Now, I'm sorry that you got yourself into this little predicament. But trying to blame it on me, now, that's just low.
Ashley: You're right. I can't believe I said that. You've always been so good to me. I'm just so desperate. I'm a terrible, terrible person. [sobbing]
Will: No No, no. Look, don't cry, Ashley. Come on. Come on, all right. We'll figure a way out of this, all right?
Ashley: Thanks, Will. You're a saint. [Ashley smiles and flicks her hair as she walks away]
Will: Wait. What was that?
Ashley: What?
Will: You smiled. I saw your reflection in the window.
Ashley: Oh, no. That was a happy smile. See?
Will: I don't believe I fell for them crocodile tears. Girl, you're on your own.
Ashley: All right, fine! Be that way! But if I go down, I'm taking you with me.
Will: Ashley. I didn't do nothing.

Ashley: [sighs] It's a miracle this whole thing worked.
Will: What you talking about, girl? Denzel ain't the only brother than can act.
Ashley: Well, at least this buys me some time before I have to break the news to Daddy. Well, I have to get my history books. You stay right here, Rhaul.
Will: I made that up.

Miss Sharpe: Mr. Banks, did you forget something?
Will: Uh, you know, I'm glad you asked. I, uh, forgot to give you the number to my direct line.
Miss Sharpe: Look, I'm very flattered, but-
Will: You know that is an absolutely intoxicating fragrance that you're wearing.
Miss Sharpe: Uh... Come closer.
Will: Hey.
Miss Sharpe: That's a fake mustache.
Will: No, it's not.
Miss Sharpe: [rips it off] Yes, it is.
Will: No, it's not.
Miss Sharpe: Look, I don't know who you are, but I'm calling your real parents right now.
Ashley: Will?
Will: No, it's not.
Ashley: Miss Sharpe.
Will: It's not.

Philip: What the hell are you talking about?
Ashley: Daddy, I withdrew from Bel-Air Academy six weeks ago and transferred to Morris High. [Will ducks behind a couch]
Vivian: You what?
Philip: I'm not mad.
Will: You're not? And you thought he was gonna be mad.
Philip: Well, you transferred out, you'll transfer back. Tomorrow, when I wake up, Ashley will be back in Bel-Air Academy and maybe Will won't even be here.
Ashley: Daddy, I'm not going back. [Will ducks again]
Philip: Now I'm mad.

Ashley: Daddy, Will made me realize how limited my life has been. I wanna be with real people with real concerns.
Philip: Oh, and people in Bel-Air don't have real concerns?
Carlton: It's pronounced Porsche.
Hilary: Porsche.
Carlton: Porsche.
Hilary: Porsche.

Hilary: Good morning, everyone.
Will: Hey, Hil. So, what's today's Black topic? Amish rap stars?
Hilary: I'm through chasing one specific demographic. Thanks to my leopard skin midriff top, I hit an all-time high with male viewers. I got more men yesterday than Sally Jesse Raphael gets in a year.
Will: How hard could that be?

Ashley: I dropped out of Bel-Air Academy and I've been going to public school since the beginning of the semester.
Will: I didn't hear that.
Ashley: I said I dropped out.
Will: I heard what you said, Ashley. Ash, what are you? How can you do that?
Ashley: It was easy. I forged all the papers, took Daddy's tuition money and put it in an interest-bearing account. Pretty good, huh?
Will: You're tripping? No, no- No, no. You're worse than tripping. You've fallen and you can't get up. And he will find out. And when he does, he's going to ground you into dust.