Ashley: Surprise!
Vivian: Ashley, sweetie.
Philip: Where's Will?
Ashley: Aren't you surprised, Mommy?
Philip: Where is Will?
Ashley: I had so much fun today with Will, you can't believe it.
Will: Surprise!
Philip: Oh, look, it's Will.

Vivian: Will, what happened at the Christmas shop?
Will: Oh, Aunt Viv, they were trying to rip you off. You know, so me and Ashley went down to the Pick 'n' Grab.
Philip: [answers tinsel-covered phone] Hello. Yes, this is Philip Banks. Ah, you saw our lights. The blinking Frosty the Snowman is riling your attack dogs. [hangs up] Well, that's wonderful. Our neighbors are furious. We're gonna have to take these lights down.
Will: Uncle Phil, I bet there's a lot of neighbors that love those decorations. I mean, certainly anyone who possesses good taste. [answers phone] Banks residence. Have a holly, jolly Christmas. Oh, brother, you got a problem with my lights? Why don't you come tell me that to my face, then? Hey, you can do whatever you want to do. It's your world, squirrel. I'm just trying to get a nut. What? Oh, we can do this. That was clever, Trevor. Ain't no thing but a chicken wing. Yeah, all right. [hangs up]

Geoffrey: Madam, sir. A group of your neighbors have assembled on the front lawn. They're looking at your Christmas decorations and growing enraged. They are threatening to burn Frosty in effigy.
Philip: Well, we'd better get out there. [Phil & Viv exit]
Ashley: Geoffrey, thanks for helping us put up those Christmas decorations.
Will: Yeah, man, I'd have never had the guts to climb up on that roof with that reindeer strapped on my back.
Geoffrey: Anything in the name of Christmas, Master William. Your aunt and uncle didn't suspect anything, did they?
Will: No, no.
Geoffrey: Still, I think it's best we avoid eye contact for the rest of the evening. [winks]
Will: 10-4.

Vivian: Philip, should I talk to them? Or do you want to?
Philip: No, I'll give it a try.
Carlton: Dad, can I offer a suggestion?
Philip: Sure.
Carlton: Well, they're our neighbors and they're upset. And it's up to us to make sure that this doesn't ruin their Christmas. There's only one way to do that. I think we should write a few checks.
Philip: Sit down, Carlton.
Carlton: As you wish, Father.

Philip: I'm just going to have to tell them we'll take the decorations down as soon as we can.
Ashley: Well, can't we leave some of them up?
Philip: Oh, I don't know, maybe we can reach a compromise. Everybody, now, in keeping with the spirit of the season I think we can discuss this rationally.
Barton Grey: Property values in this neighborhood must be vigorously protected. Isn't that right, Mr. Uesato?
Mr. Uesato: I'm afraid potential buyers aren't too crazy about the Kmart look.
Mrs. Lang: You know dear, there are wonderful services that will come and decorate your house for you.
Vivian: Yes, I know, but this year our daughter and nephew decided to do the decorating themselves.
Mrs. Lang: Oh, I see. Are they very angry with you over something?
Vivian: No, why?
Mrs. Lang: Well, this just reminds me of the summer my daughter Amanda turned 15 and tried to burn our house down.

Geoffrey: Master William. There is a gentleman in the foyer who claims you had some harsh words with him on the phone.
Will: Oh, yeah? Word. Word. That chump is here? Send him in.
Vivian: Will, fighting doesn't solve anything.
Will: No, no, no, Aunt Viv, ain't gonna be no fight. I can tell by the sound of this guy's voice on the phone, I could take him in a minute.
Geoffrey: Mr. Evander Holyfield. The undisputed Heavyweight Champion of the World.
Will: [pats Evander Holyfield's shoulder] Nice champion.
Evander Holyfield: I recognize your voice. You're the chump I talked to on the telephone.
Will: [high-pitched] Phone? I ain't talked to you on no phone.

Will: Ashley, now, come on. The house looks dope. Who cares what they think? Bet you Santa thinks it's nice.
Ashley: Look, I know you're trying to get me into the Christmas spirit but I'm just not into it. All those people are in a bad mood, none of my friends are around to play with. I'm going to go up to my room, learn some new word and wait until New Year's.

Barton Grey: Well, I'm glad we cleared up this little matter. I assume the lights will be down by tomorrow.
Ashley: Wait. I've changed my mind. I want the lights to stay up.
Will: Fight the power, Ashley.
Ashley: I love them. They're beautiful. I'm not the only one who thinks so. Will thinks so, too, and so do all these kids. And besides, it's Christmas. When I look at the lights and the reindeer and the decorations, it makes me feel very... ebullient.
Will: Yeah, me, too.
Philip: Ashley's right. What are we arguing about here? When we were kids, we used to all love Christmas. And now we take things too seriously. Personally, I think the lights are kind of neat.
Mrs. Lang: I guess they're really not hurting anybody.
Mr. Uesato: And the kids really like them.
Evander Holyfield: We shouldn't be fighting. It's so barbaric.

Vivian: Then we're all agreed?
Barton Grey: I think those decorations are totally inappropriate for a home in Bel-Air.
Geoffrey: Madam, another of your neighbors has arrived.
Vivian: Oh, great, that's all we need.
"Ronald Reagan": Excuse me. Hello, everybody. Hi, there, Hilary. Thanks for the pretzels. I'm sorry to bother you, neighbor. I just want to say that I greatly admire your wonderful Christmas decorations and I just wanted to say that, you know, because Nancy won't let me do anything fun to our house.
Philip: Thank you, Mr. President.
"Ronald Reagan": It's a pleasure.
Philip: As a matter of fact, A few of our neighbors came to tell us about our lights, too. What were you saying, Mr. Grey?
Barton Grey: Well, I was just saying they were absolutely magnificent, Mr. President.
"Ronald Reagan": That's what I think.

Will: Now, you know, this is what Christmas is all about. Now comes the magic moment. Everybody gather around the TV.
Vivian: Will, what are you doing?
Will: This is one of our Christmas traditions. You know, I like to watch out for this certain commercial.
Carlton: A commercial?
Will: Yeah, you know the one where it's all snowy and the little jolly Santa is riding on a Norelco shaver?
Philip: Oh, I love that commercial. And that Christmas beer commercial with the horses with the furry feet are pulling the sleigh through the snow.
"Ronald Reagan": Yeah, and I always loved that commercial where the little covered wagon is being chased by the dog across the kitchen floor.
Carlton: Hey, he's on the shaver! [all aww]