Red: So how's the car?
Eric: Real good.
Red: By real good, you mean you rotated those tires like I asked you to?
Eric: Dad, don't they rotate every time I drive?
Red: You being a smartmouth?
Eric: Yes, and I'm sorry.

Kitty: Well, just imagine, President Ford is coming here. Red, we need to get rid of the oil stains in the driveway.
Red: It's not like he's coming to our house. And if he did I'd kick him in the keister.
Kitty: Stop it. How can you say that? You voted for Gerald Ford.
Red: Kitty, no one voted for Gerald Ford.
Kitty: [laughs] But he still is our President.
Red: Oh, the boy's old enough to hear that kind of talk. Eric, say that your job was sent to a plant in Guatela-who-the-hell-cares. Now, are you gonna vote for the guy that let that happen?
Kitty: Red, President Ford didn't take your job. He took Nixon's.
Red: Eric, we're waiting.
Eric: Um... Well... [gulps] I believe that everyone's political opinion is valid and worth hearing.
Red: Well, that's- That's perfect, Eric. Use that line when you run for Miss America.

Hyde: Oh, and I could write some really great slogan like "I hate the fuzz" on my ass.
Fez: If you hate the fuzz on your ass, why don't you just shave it off?

Donna: Mom, why are you doing this?
Midge: Honey, there are lots of things I do to make your father happy that I don't really like.
Donna: Mom! Eugh!
Midge: Oh, no, not that. I love that. I meant like fishing.

Eric: Can I borrow your trench coat?
Red: I can ask the President any damn thing I want. It's my right. I'm not gonna be a puppet for Bob's committee.
Eric: I'll take real good care of it and I'll bring it back as soon as I possibly can.
Kitty: Honey, just take the coat and leave.
Red: No. Eric, a man has to stand up and be heard. I will not sit quietly by while everything is taken away from me. They took my job, my stability... now they want to take away my right to free speech.
Kitty: You still have the Toyota, it gets great mileage.
Red: Where is the America that I knew as a boy? Where? You tell me, dear God, where?
Eric: Okay, I really hate being in this room right now.

Kitty: Aren't you going, Donna?
Donna: No. My Dad's gonna make me wear this really queer jumpsuit. I don't know if I can do it. It's just too embarrassing.
Kitty: You know, Donna, my grandmother came from Sweden and she had this thick, thick accent and it embarrassed me to no end. Well, I asked her not to come to my high school graduation 'cause I didn't want my friends to hear her talk and she didn't come. Sixteen years later, she got the gout and died. You see?
Donna: No.
Kitty: All families are embarrassing. And if they're not embarrassing, then they're dead.

Hyde: I can't believe this. Who cares if Ford is coming?
Eric: It's better than when the Oscar Mayer Weenie Mobile drove through.
Donna: They didn't even stop. They just slowed down and threw a bunch of hot dog whistles at us.
Hyde: Two girls in a phallic RV. Driving around, handing out things you blow. [sighs] What a great country.

Red: Oh, I'm gonna ask him a question all right. And it's gonna be a damn good one.
Kitty: Red.
Red: Now, don't worry. I'm simply gonna ask him how the hell he's gonna fix this economy.
Kitty: Oh, honey, he wouldn't know that. He's the President.

Kelso: So can we go already? I'm itching to release the hound here.
Hyde: It's go time.
Kitty: Oh, now, look at you guys. What is it with you young people and Columbo?

Hyde: Hey, if there wasn't some huge downside to doing something this stupid it wouldn't be worth doing, you know?
Donna: Good point.