Hyde: Oh, and I could write some really great slogan like "I hate the fuzz" on my ass.
Fez: If you hate the fuzz on your ass, why don't you just shave it off?

Kitty: Well, just imagine, President Ford is coming here. Red, we need to get rid of the oil stains in the driveway.
Red: It's not like he's coming to our house. And if he did I'd kick him in the keister.
Kitty: Stop it. How can you say that? You voted for Gerald Ford.
Red: Kitty, no one voted for Gerald Ford.
Kitty: [laughs] But he still is our President.
Red: Oh, the boy's old enough to hear that kind of talk. Eric, say that your job was sent to a plant in Guatela-who-the-hell-cares. Now, are you gonna vote for the guy that let that happen?
Kitty: Red, President Ford didn't take your job. He took Nixon's.
Red: Eric, we're waiting.
Eric: Um... Well... [gulps] I believe that everyone's political opinion is valid and worth hearing.
Red: Well, that's- That's perfect, Eric. Use that line when you run for Miss America.

Red: So how's the car?
Eric: Real good.
Red: By real good, you mean you rotated those tires like I asked you to?
Eric: Dad, don't they rotate every time I drive?
Red: You being a smartmouth?
Eric: Yes, and I'm sorry.