Eric: Man, what's his problem? I just, I just want to help out.
Kitty: Well, I am sorry, Eric, but I agree with your father. School is your job. Oh and... Also to be my precious little baby boy. [laughs]
Eric: Mom! We talked about this. I'm not a boy anymore. I'm a man. Shut up, Hyde. I am a man!
Kitty: Fine. My precious little baby man. [laughs]
Eric: [to Hyde] Oh, man. You are so lucky your mom's a runaway alcoholic.

[circle:]
Kelso: So, Laurie's been talking a lot lately, right? She's saying she wants a relationship. You know, and I kept waiting for the dirty part, but the dirty part never came.
Eric: Kelso, I have a real problem here, okay? I'd like to talk about that.
Kelso: Right. You know, dating two girls wasn't supposed to be like this. You know, it was supposed to be like...
[fantasy: Kelso is on the couch in the middle of Laurie and Jackie:]
Kelso: So, do you want to talk?
Laurie: No way, I just want to fool around.
Jackie: Yeah. Oh, talking is stupid. You know, I'll just wait quietly until you and Laurie are done. Have fun.
Kelso: Well, thanks, babe. [kisses Jackie] You know what? Feel free to jump in.
Donna: [enters] Hey, Kelso, you mind if I join in your sexy circle, too?
Kelso: Well, why not?
Donna: All Eric ever wants to do is talk.
Laurie: I told you he was a loser.
Donna: I know. I mean, how am I supposed to talk when I don't have a thought in my pretty little red head?
Jackie: [giggles] See, Michael? Donna's just as empty-headed as we are. Oh, Donna, you'll make a great addition to our sexy circle.
Kelso: All right, ladies. There's just one rule here. There are no bras allowed.
Girls: Yay!
[reality:]
Kelso: See, that's pretty sweet, huh?

Eric: What do you think?
Donna: [clears throat] I think it makes your ass look big.
Eric: You know, I just don't know why my dad doesn't want me to work. I mean, yeah, I'm a real bad boy, Donna. My big teenage rebellion is to get a job. Ooh, you never know what I'm going to do next. Oh, my God, look out. He's got insurance.
Donna: You know I think it'll be great when you get a job. Maybe on our dates we won't have to just sit in the car. Maybe we can actually drive somewhere and maybe, I don't know, eat? Or maybe I can get my own popcorn at the movies.
Eric: You're a dreamer. Yeah, you know what? I'm going to keep the job.
Donna: Whoa, you're like a rebel without a cause. But with a cause.
Eric: And a smock.
Donna: Right.

Red: Did you quit that job?
Eric: Dad, I want to keep that job.
Red: Well, it's a tough world, Eric. And people don't always get what they want. Especially you.
Eric: Dad, I'm pretty sure I'm not backing down on this one.
Red: You're not? Oh, no. Well, I guess you win, then.
Eric: Dad, you always tell me never to back down. "Don't back down." "Formans never back down." And now you're telling me to back down? Well, Dad, I can only conclude that you're insane.
Red: You think that's funny?
Eric: Well, you know, maybe not in the traditional "ha-ha" sense, but, you know, it's kind of...
Red: Look, I've got to go. You know, you're going to look real funny when you're wearing...
Both: Your ass for a hat.
Red: Yeah!
Eric: Even though I doubt that's physically possible.
Red: Let's find out together.

Kelso: Okay, Laurie, I want you to know that I really, really, really enjoy fooling around with you.
Laurie: Yeah, I get that a lot.
Kelso: And you should. 'Cause you're talented. See, but I don't want one of those relationships because I already have one of those with Jackie.
Laurie: Yeah, but that can't last.
Kelso: No. See, what I'm saying is, is that we have to break this thing off.
Laurie: Hmm. That's a pretty big decision to make all on your own. Maybe you and me and Jackie should all get together and discuss it.
Kelso: No. You wouldn't.
Laurie: Really? Look at me, Kelso. Look into my eyes.
[fantasy: Kelso sees the devil as he looks into Laurie's eyes]
Kelso: Laurie, will you go out with me?
Laurie: Oh, Kelso. I thought you'd never ask.

Hyde: I'll be in the basement.
Kitty: No, you sit!
Hyde: Oh, sure, when things get ugly, suddenly I'm family.
Laurie: Not to me, freak.
Hyde: You are so going to end up in porno.

Eric: So, Dad, you and me going to work together. What a nightmare, huh?
Red: Oh, would you look at that? [points] They spelled your name wrong. [flicks Eric]
Eric: Just doesn't get old, does it?
Bob: Well, if it isn't Benedict and Arnold.
Red: Bob, I needed that job and if you can't get that, well, I'm sorry. You're a dumbass.
Bob: [points] Look, they misspelled Price Mart.
Red: You want to keep that finger?

Laurie: Well, it's just... Lately I feel like all my friends are away at school and I'm the only one here and I just feel like this huge failure.
Kelso: Laurie, don't be silly. Failures are ugly, and you're hot.
Laurie: That's true.
Kelso: Yeah.
Laurie: Thanks, Kelso.
Kelso: Yeah. [starts to take off shirt]
Laurie: I guess it all started in junior high. That's when a girl really defines who she is. You know what I mean?
Kelso: So, we're talking some more?
Laurie: I really want to talk.
Kelso: Okay. Guess I'll put my shirt back on so we can talk some more.
Laurie: Great.
Kelso: Yeah. Super.

Red: I get it, Bob. [closes sliding door] Kitty, I'm getting a job at Price Mart. [smiles and waves to Bob]

Laurie: And I guess I've just been too concerned with the needs of others and I haven't thought enough about myself. Kelso?
Kelso: [wakes up] Yeah? Yeah. Listening.
Laurie: So, what do you think?
Kelso: Well, uh, I... Agree?
Laurie: Really?
Kelso: Yeah! Okay, I mean, everything you said makes so much sense.