Hyde: You guys, stealing this clown was an immature act of revenge and vandalism. Ooh. Let's draw boobs on him.

Jackie: So you guys... [screams] What the hell is that doing here?
Donna: We stole Fatso the Clown. And now we're gonna... Uh... What do we do with a stolen clown?
[circle:]
Hyde: This is what we do with a stolen clown. Actually, this is what we do without a stolen clown. It always comes back to this.
[the camera pans over to Fatso the Clown]
Randy: [goofy voice] Thanks for bringing me here, you guys! [normal voice] So, Fatso, now that you're free, is there anything we can do for you? [goofy voice] Yeah, find me a really trashy clown-hooker with nice, long legs and a pair of double-D... [horn honks] Yeah, I found this in the garage.
Fez: Oh, Randy, you think you are so funny. [giggles] That was funny.
Jackie: Look at that freaky-ass clown. It's just staring at me, he doesn't even blink.
Donna: It's because he likes you. He loves you. He wants to marry you and then kill you! [Jackie screams]

Randy: Rock, paper, scissors, shoot! Paper again, Fatso? I win.
Fez: Okay, let me try. Rock, paper, scissors, shoot. Ah, we both did paper!
Hyde: Congratulations, Fez. You tied a ceramic clown.

Jackie: I knew we shouldn't have stolen that clown. If we wanted to get back at that Fatso Burger guy, we should have just done what my dad would have done. Hire the Sagito brothers to torch the place.

Donna: This is simple, it's just so freaking simple. All we need to do is get rid of the body. We need a hacksaw, a bunch of garbage bags and bathtub filled with acid.

Red: What in the world?
Fez: Okay, Red, before you kill us one by one, let me just say this, it was his idea.
Red: Nice going. I hate that ugly thing. It's always smiling when nothing is funny.
Fez: Yeah, so, you're not angry?
Red: What makes you think I'd be angry?
Hyde: Um, every other experience we've ever had with you?
Red: Well, I think it's hilarious. But Kitty is very upset. Apparently, this thing is some kind of symbol of our love. Help me toss it in the dumpster.

Kitty: What on Earth was all that yelling?
Donna: Oh, nothing, we were just watching The Boy in the Plastic Bubble. And someone came really near the bubble with a pair of scissors.
Kitty: Well, did you kids hear that some vandals stole Fatso the Clown?
Randy: Uh, no, this is the first we're hearing it.
Kitty: Well, I am just so upset about this that I need to make some comfort food. So, oh, I came down here to get peas for a casserole.
All: No!
Kitty: What?
Hyde: Aren't fresh peas better?
Kitty: Well, don't be silly. Frozen peas are fine. [grabs bag without looking back] It's not a holiday. Okay, let's see, peas, breadcrumbs, oh, I forgot the corn. [opens freezer again] [screams]

Donna: I can't believe we're taking the clown back. You know what we should have done? Smashed it into powder, mixed it into Fatso burgers, and force-fed it to that redundant old fart who owns the place. Now that's sick.

Randy: Oh, my God, Fez, there is a cop following us.
Fez: Where?
Randy: Don't look, he's pulling up next to us. Hurry, cover that clown with your body.
Hyde: Make it look like you're making out with it.
Fez: No, I don't want to.
Hyde: Kiss it, man, we can't get caught now.
Fez: Hey, someone put their old gum in his mouth.
Hyde: I did that. [chuckles] There is no cop and you kissed a clown.
Fez: I can't believe I got to third base with a clown.
Donna: Fez, there is nothing below his waist.
Fez: Well, I got a hold of something.

Donna: I used to think criminals were stupid for returning to the scene of the crime. But I get it now. It's all about the rush.
Jackie: You know, now that I've seen Fatso make out with Fez, he's not so scary anymore. See, you're just a clown.
Donna: A clown who wants to kill you! [Jackie screams]