Jackie: All right. Okay, I know you guys probably think I'm crazy and I'm going from guy to guy. But Fez has always been there for me and he makes me feel good about myself. So, go ahead, go, go make fun of me.
Hyde: No, man. That's cool. You know, Fez is a good guy. I think if he'd make you happy, that's what you should do.
Jackie: Wow. Steven, thanks.
Hyde: And if it doesn't work out, I hear Bob's available. And if that's no good, here comes the garbage man! Oh, and hey, there's a garden gnome across the street you haven't done.

Kitty: Steven, why is there lingerie behind my canned goods?
Hyde: Oh, sorry, that's Sam's. Before we split up, our love life got a little boring so we decided to branch out and try some new locations. By the way, this is a good, sturdy table.
Kitty: Oh, Steven.

Jackie: Okay, Donna, I have something to admit to you but it's really embarrassing.
Donna: You read a book for pleasure?
Jackie: Um... I like Fez.
Donna: Wow. Well, I guess the only thing I have to say is... I freaking knew it!
Jackie: Ugh, Donna. Look, I know I made up that stupid list to figure out who my perfect match should be, and you were right. It's Fez.
Donna: This is one of the biggest things I've ever heard you say.
Jackie: I know, I know. I can't believe I like him.
Donna: No, you admitted I was right.

Donna: Okay, are you sure you like Fez? I mean, think about all the things you've said about him over the years.
[montage:]
Jackie: He's a bad...
Jackie: Poor...
Jackie: Sweaty...
Jackie: Stinky...
Jackie: Crazy...
Jackie: Sick...
Jackie: Ridiculous...
Jackie: Foreign...
Jackie: Spazoid...
Jackie: Weirdo.
[present:]
Jackie: Okay, all right, Donna. You busted me. I like a bad, poor, sweaty, stinky, crazy, ridiculous, sick, foreign, spazoid weirdo.

Hilary: Fez, now that I'm spending so much time here, maybe you should get a waterbed. That way we won't keep Jackie up with all the squeaking.
Fez: Yeah, sorry about that. I'm a squeaker. [both exit]
Jackie: Oh, Donna, I like a squeaker. Well, what am I going to do?
Donna: Okay, look. A few years ago, I went to see a therapist.
Jackie: Loser!
Donna: My parents were going through their divorce and it helped. Not everyone who goes to a therapist is a loser.
Jackie: Okay, wait. So, you're saying this therapist actually helped you?
Donna: Yeah.
Jackie: Well, he must be pretty good if he convinced you you're not a loser...

Leo: Wow, man. Impressive.
Randy: Yeah. Mr. Forman is really good at fixing stuff.
Leo: No, six across. "Impressive." No, wait, that's more than three letters.

Hyde: All right, man, thanks. Guess I'll see you later.
Red: Actually I thought I'd fix that wobbly chair before I left. [to a customer] Take a hike, hop-head. [hammers chair]
Leo: Hey, quiet. Oh, sorry, it's quilt.

Kitty: Well, thank you, Dr. Hammond. You're right. I am pretty and I am special.
[When Kitty sees Donna and Jackie in the waiting room, she puts on a pair of glasses]
Kitty: And I am in the wrong office. [exits]
Dr. Hammond: Wow, that was a tough hour.

Dr. Hammond: So. Donna, nice to see you again. How are your folks?
Donna: Oh, you know, still crazy.
Dr. Hammond: Hmm. You're telling me, they paid for my watch. And you must be Jackie.
Jackie: Yeah. Oh, but before you think there is anything wrong with me, you see, I'm only here because I like this boy and I don't want to like him, so... You know, if you could just write a prescription for that, I'll be on my way.
Donna: Do you see how messed up she is? [chews nails]
Dr. Hammond: Still eating your cuticles?
Donna: No.

Dr. Hammond: Jackie, first tell me about some of the other men that you had feelings for.
Jackie: Okay. Well, there's Michael, who cheated on me. And then there's Steven, who would rather vandalize a car than commit to a relationship. And now there's Fez, who's been after me for years and is really very sweet, but I never paid any attention to him 'cause, you know, he's foreign.
Dr. Hammond: Wow. He seems like a fine man. Or at least he is now. Before you get your sadistic female claws into him and make him forget that he is even a man at all.
Jackie: Okay, well, none of this matters anyway because, of course, now that I like Fez, he has a girlfriend.
Dr. Hammond: Have you ever considered that you only like unavailable men? I mean, the others were emotionally unavailable. But you weren't interested in Fez until he was taken.
Jackie: Wow. So I don't really like Fez, I just think I like him 'cause he has a girlfriend?