Hyde: Hey, Jackie, I suspect Kelso hasn't told Brooke that he burned down the Police Academy.
Jackie: Ah, interesting. I suspect you're right, Steven. Fez, what do you think?
Fez: Mmm. I think I smell cookies.
Kelso: All right, fine, so I haven't told her. But the only reason she likes me is 'cause I'm doing well at the Academy.
Jackie: Michael, you can't start a relationship based on a huge lie. You have to start off fresh, and then gently sprinkle in the lies as you go along. A relationship is like a cookie and the lies are the tasty chocolate chips.
Fez: Where are the cookies, damn it?

Eric: Well, we committed seven mortal sins, and all we got was a half-an-hour lecture.
Donna: Yeah. But still, I want our wedding day to be special. You know, something we'll remember forever.
Eric: You know what? Whatever it takes.
Donna: Which is why I think we shouldn't have sex again until we're married.
Eric: What? No. What? No. No, no, no, no, no. You can't cut me off now. I'm addicted now.
Donna: Look, Eric, I know it seems like a crazy idea...
Eric: Oh, I see your plan, lady. The first three years are free, huh?
Donna: Eric, it'll be great. When you think about it, it's really similar to Star Wars and staying pure, just like a Jedi.
Eric: There's no such thing as Jedi. That's just a stupid movie! God!

Bob: You know, Eric, you may not think that you need counseling, but maybe Donna does.
Eric: [scoffs] No, she doesn't.
Donna: Well, actually, I think counseling might help us work through some of our issues before we get married.
Eric: We don't have issues.
Donna: Yes, we do.
Eric: Do.
Donna: No, we don't.
Eric: Don't.
Kitty: Okay, see? You don't do the "do, don't" if you don't have issues, which you do.

Eric: Okay, Dad, how can you think this is a good idea? You always say to take care of family business at home.
Red: I am taking care of business at home. Because if you two don't do this, do you know what it's going to be like living with your mother? [off Kitty's look] Just more of a delight every day, is what.

Brooke: Hey, Michael. How'd your penal code test go? [Fez and Hyde giggle]
Kelso: I did great. I got another B.
Brooke: Oh, that's your fourth B in a row.
Kelso: Yeah.
Brooke: I'm so proud of you. Can I see it?
Kelso: Uh... You could, but I didn't write anything down because the test was oral.
Hyde: Oral test on the penal code! [laughs]

Brooke: So, are you free this afternoon? I thought maybe we could do something.
Kelso: How about go-carting?
Brooke: How about putting together a crib?
Kelso: Does the crib have wheels?
Brooke: Yeah.
Kelso: Then I'm in.

Jackie: Hey, Michael, how come you told Library Barbie you got Bs instead of Ds?
Kelso: Look, some people bring flowers. Some people buy chocolates. I lie about my intelligence. [rips up test] But it's not working. She's locked up the old fun house, if you know what I mean.
Jackie: Michael, no way. She's totally into you. She changed from clear lip gloss to pink shimmer. What more does she need to do, shout "I love you" from the rooftops?
Kelso: Well, she could give me something besides a kiss on the cheek. It's like kissing your cousin.

Woman: [on TV] You're seeing pictures of what's left of the Point Place Police Academy auditorium, where a fire broke out today.
Fez: Oh, I hope Kelso's okay.
Hyde: Yeah, I know he was there 'cause today was Flare Day.
All: Today was Flare Day!
Kelso: [enters] Hey, what's up?

Pastor Dan: You know, in these times of loose morals, even my faith gets challenged, much like Han Solo's faith in his sometimes unreliable Millennium Falcon. [Eric nods] Which is why I'm so pleased to recently meet a young engaged couple who have turned their backs on temptation, despite the lure of premarital sex.
Eric: Oh, no. Oh, God. Oh, no.
Pastor Dan: So here they are, Eric Forman and Donna Pinciotti. [organ plays] Please stand. [applause]

Kelso: Brooke, I've got to tell you something. I burnt down the Police Academy auditorium. See, this flare just got away from me. And then there was another flare that was on purpose, but a bad idea, and a final warning flare that I now realize was unnecessary 'cause the fire itself was a pretty big flare.
Brooke: Well, Michael, I'm glad you were honest with me, because I kind of have a secret, too.
Kelso: You have a twin sister that loves threesomes?
Brooke: No, no. I've stopped myself from getting close to you because I didn't know if I could trust you. I knew you were lying about the Police Academy fire because... Well, your friends kind of gave it away in the kitchen. Also, Fez took me aside today and just told me, and kind of tried to kiss me.
Kelso: Yeah, he does that.
Brooke: But you were honest with me, which means I can trust you now. [kisses Kelso] So, is there anything else you'd like to be honest with me about, like maybe your test grades?
Kelso: Yeah. I didn't get four Bs.
Brooke: I kind of figured.
Kelso: I got four As. I just didn't want to brag.