Glenn: Oh, and, Amy, Jerusha had to watch Rose, but there was no way that I was gonna miss this celebration of Emma's transition from girlhood to womanhood with cultural roots in Mesoamerica.
Amy: Thank you, Glenn. Did you spend some time on Wikipedia?
Glenn: Yeah, I did. How..?

Mateo & Cheyenne: [sing] ♫ Did you ever know that you're my hero? ♫
Mateo: You're Emma's hero, Amy.
Cheyenne: You really are.
Mateo & Cheyenne: ♫ Everything I would like to be ♫
Mateo: You're her role model.
Cheyenne: She's your only daughter.
Mateo & Cheyenne: ♫ I can fly higher than an eagle ♫
Mateo: Leaving the nest so soon.
Cheyenne: Never coming back.
Mateo & Cheyenne: ♫ You are the wind beneath... Emma's.... wings.... ♫
Amy: Thank you, guys. Very cool. Thank you.
Mateo: Do you have the dead grandma song from Coco?
Amy: No, no, maybe we should get back to the dancing.
Cheyenne: I think you're gonna wanna hear this.
Mateo: You're gonna wanna hear this, definitely.

Jonah: Hey. For Emma's quinceañera, am I supposed to just get her money, or if I wanted to add something extra, would she like a NutriBullet, makeup, rosary beads, a T-shirt that says "Slay all day"?
Amy: She's gonna like whatever you get her.
Jonah: I just want it to be good, you know? I always feel like Emma doesn't like me.
Amy: What? Why?
Jonah: She always goes to her room whenever I come over. And there was the time she saw in the towel and it was never addressed.
Amy: Jonah, she's 15 years old. If you're not Ariana Grande or Gritty, she's not into it.
Jonah: Yeah, but I'm, like, the guy who stole her mom away from her dad.
Amy: Yeah, no, you're right. It's true. I was in a happy, fulfilling, blissful marriage that would have just gone on forever and ever if you hadn't swooped in and started whispering This American Life stories into my ear until my panties dropped.

Cheyenne: Bo really wanted to come, but one of his suits is at the dry cleaner's and the other one's haunted.
Amy: Okay. Yeah, those things happen.

Garrett: It was a bold choice to wear a dress like that at a party full of a bunch of horny teens. You're really putting the ladies out there.
Dina: Why should I have to police my body because the men of this world can't keep it in their pants?
Garrett: I agree.
Dina: I mean, if Emma was Wiccan, we would be all naked right now, dancing around a fire pentacle and grabbing each other's crotches.
Garrett: It really sounds like you've done that before.
Dina: A couple of times.

Garrett: So, uh, I'm gonna write down my email. If you could send me a copy of this video, that would be great. It could be any file, any size. I don't care.

Dina: Look, I just want you to know that nothing happened between Jonah and Amy while you guys were together. I mean, sure they kissed during the tornado, but I'm pretty sure that was it.
Adam: Well, thanks for letting me know that.
Dina: Yeah. But then, of course, there was the sex tape that happened at work. If it helps, we found out later, Amy didn't finish. Jonah did, though, so... Sorry about that.

Glenn: And on this day of your quinceañera, I wanted to get you something muy especial, so...
Amy: Holy [bleep].
Glenn: It's the traditional last doll, la última muñeca. Jerusha and I worked really hard on this. Do you like it?
Amy: Yes, mm-hmm. Just say thank you.
Emma: Thank you.
Glenn: You're welcome. Oh, if you're wondering why the hair looks so real? Because it is. Yeah, Jerusha got her hair caught in the garbage disposal, so, you know, we saved it for you.
Amy: Thank you. Put her away. Keep her safe.

Mateo: Emma is the spitting image of you by the way.
Amy: Oh, I know. I'm trying not to cry.
Mateo: Yesterday she was this little girl in pigtails running around the house, and now she's this smart, confident, beautiful young woman. You must be so proud.
Amy: I am.
Cheyenne: And pretty soon, you're gonna be at her graduation and then her wedding, then her funeral.
Amy: What?
Cheyenne: I mean, you know, someday. Not now. She's not gonna live forever. Hopefully you'll die first.
Amy: Okay. I'm gonna go, um, mingle with some other- Over there.
Mateo: She didn't mean it.
Cheyenne: Wow, she is a robot.

Glenn: Hey, have you tried these? These are called pastelitos de perro. It's a traditional Honduran food.
Ron: Those are pizza rolls.
Glenn: Oh.
Connie: The Honduran food is here.
Glenn: Oh, well, that's what I want. I'm not some boring gringo, you know. Well, give that spice. Show me the mole.
Ron: Oh, that's it.