Jonah: Has she ever brought up the towel thing? Because it was tied pretty low.
Amy: It's been discussed.

Amy: Look at her, in her dress. I wore that dress to my quinceañera. I can't believe it. Just yesterday, she was this little baby, and now she's this grown woman. I'm so sorry. I have a lot of feelings today. Excuse me. [walks off]
Mateo: I don't think I've ever seen Amy show emotion before.
Cheyenne: I know, it's so weird. It's like, I once saw my dentist yell at a stripper, and it was like, "Oh, you do have feelings."
Glenn: Amy doesn't cry often, but when she does, oh, boy.
Mateo: What do you mean?
Glenn: Oh, it's awful. It's like... [whines] No, it's, um... [whines] No, I can't do it.
Mateo: I would really like to see that.
Cheyenne: Me too.

Amy: Why are you lurking in the corner?
Jonah: I'm not lurking. I'm standing silently in the shadows. Lurking works, yeah. I'm just trying to stay out of everyone's way, you know?
Amy: Jonah, relax. It's a party. You should be mingling. Go talk to someone about how second season of Patriot gets better.
Jonah: It doesn't.
Amy: See? This is a great conversation. Get out there.

Jonah: Connie, I love that dress. [goofy voice] Somebody is ready for the red carpet.
Connie: Thank you.
Jonah: You know, I think you're running low on ice.
Amy: I don't think we are.
Jonah: Well, nobody ever thinks they're running low on ice until they're actually low on ice, and then it's too late, so I'm gonna go get some ice from outside. Uh, excuse me.
Amy: It's his first quinceañera.

Amy: Come on, it wasn't that bad. If anything, you did her a favor. How many girls get to do their entrance twice?
Jonah: One of the kids said, "Smooth move, dick." Like, just so uncalled for.

Garrett: Buddy, cut it out.
Teenage Boy: Cut what out?
Garrett: Dude, look, I was your age once. I was obsessed with breasts. I'm still a fan, but she's my friend, so stop staring at her.
Teenage Boy: I wasn't. I don't care about some lady's fake boobs.
Garrett: Okay, all right. Well, they're real, but whatever.
Teenage Boy: They're totally fake. You can tell when they're too round like that.
Garrett: Dude, don't act like you know about breasts. I dated her. They're real.
Teenage Boy: You dated her? So you've, like, seen them?
Garrett: Yeah. When adults date each other, they show each other their boobs.
Teenage Boy: What are they like? Are they awesome?
Garrett: Buddy, I'm not telling you about that. But the right one's a little perkier than the left one, but not in like a weird Picasso kind of way, and they're sort of spread out, but not like Admiral Ackbar. It's like they're... [sighs] You know what? I'll just draw 'em for ya. Come on.

Mateo: This is, like, the fifth speech in a row about Emma's virginity. It's weird.
Cheyenne: I know. It's like, who hasn't lost their virginity by 15?
Dina: Studies show that pushing abstinence on kids actually makes them want to have sex more. Or it encourages them to try butt stuff, which, hey, God bless.

Garrett: So it kind of curves up here to decolletage. That's a crumb. That's not, like, a third nipple. Then over here, there's sort of a quick little dip, like that first drop in Batman: The Ride. And I know it seems like I'm spending a lot of time on the sternum, but it's really all about that negative space.

Woman: Because, as we all know, the unopened chips always stays the freshest. Thank you. Ah, who's next?
Jonah: Oh, God, no. Pass.
Glenn: Ouch, so cold.
Jonah: I don't I don't mean pass like I-I-I don't care. I just uh... I... Sorry, when I when I said, "Pass," I just meant, like, I don't want to say anything. Not- Sorry, not because I don't like Emma. It's just, it feels silly for me to be giving a speech when I'm not even a part of the family... yet.
Glenn: Oh!
Jonah: No, no, no, no, no, no. That doesn't that's not a no. Don't read into the word "yet," no. Believe me, we're We're not getting married, okay? I mean, I don't mean that we're never- We're never gonna get married. I mean, we haven't even talked about it, right? You know what? I should probably just stick with the standard script and say, um, congrats, Emma, and I guess stay a virgin... or don't. Or don't. You know, that's your sexuality is your own.

Amy: Uh, we got some more partying to do, folks. I budgeted six shrimp per person, so go to town. And if there aren't any more toasts...
Dina: Actually, Amy, uh, I just wanted to say a few words on the topic of female pleasure.
Amy: [throws microphone] Oops, it's- It's broken.