Amy: How are you doing?
Jonah: Fantastic. Life of the party.
Amy: Man, I am so tired. I really wish I could go home now. You can, though, if you wanted to. You know, if you're if you're feeling beat.
Jonah: I mean, it's only 8:30.
Amy: Oh, okay, only 8:30, Mr. Party All Night. I wish I could be in bed with a good book. Doesn't that sound great?
Jonah: You've literally never read in bed. You play Candy Crush until you're snoring.
Amy: Ha! Yeah, that's true. I love that game.

Dina: Those are my breasts.
Garrett: What? No. I drew those from scratch.
Dina: I think I'd recognize my own breasts. I have over 40 mirrors in my house.
Garrett: Okay, fine, yeah, they're your breasts, but it was just that this nerd kid said that they were fake, and I was like, "No, they're not." And he's like, "Yes, they are," so I...
Dina: This is a really impressive level of detail. Did you just do this from memory?
Garrett: Yeah.
Dina: Wow. I guess I didn't realize how obsessed you are with me.
Garrett: What?
Dina: Well, it's almost sad. Poor Garrett, pining after a woman who barely knows he's alive.
Garrett: No, I think you are reading way too much into a drawing. I draw Garfield too. I don't want to have sex with Garfield. I'm not Jon.

Dina: Like at night, when you fantasize about me, do you think of a specific incident of us having sex, or is it more just picturing me there in the moment?
Garrett: Please stop.
Dina: All right. If you're not obsessed with me, then I guess you won't care if I ask McLovin over there to dance.
Garrett: Be my guest.
Dina: Okay, I will. Hey, acne. Let's dance.
Teenage Boy: Me? Yeah. Sure. We did ballroom in gym one time.
Dina: Oh, good.

Jonah: Hey. Hey. Everything all right? Yeah, I hear ya. Look, I'm sorry about all the you know, the ice and the speech, the towel incident. I really didn't think that you were home. I- I really like your Mom and I know she loves you and then I get all in my head about wanting you to like me. And then-
Emma: I am so high.
Jonah: What?
Emma: I'm freaking out.
Jonah: Oh.

Emma: My cousin Marco brought a vape pen, and, at first, I didn't feel anything and so I did some more and then I wasn't even sure if there was anything in it because Marco is a liar and now I am very feeling something a lot.
Jonah: Okay, okay, it's... It's... It's gonna be okay.
Emma: I feel like my heart's filling with blood.
Jonah: Then it's doing its job. Listen, you know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna get your Mom-
Emma: No, no, you can't tell my parents.
Jonah: Right. Right. Right. Okay. Okay. Well, then we're just gonna sit here and ride it out.
Connie: Hey, can I sit with my little princess?
Jonah: Nah, we're good.
Connie: I'd like to sit with my granddaughter-
Jonah: Connie, please!

Dina: The kid says he thinks I'm hotter than Tia Carrere.
Teenage Boy: Well, no, I-
Dina: Yeah, yeah. He's super into me!
Garrett: Okay, cool.
Mateo: What is she doing?
Garrett: She's trying to seduce a 15-year-old kid in order to make me jealous.
Mateo: Is it working?
Garrett: Not really.

Glenn: This is my first quinceañera! I love your Latinx traditions. Huh? How am I doing?

Garrett: So this has one terabyte on it. If you could just put all the raw footage on there. You don't have to edit it. I'll take care of that.

Jonah: I'm sorry. I ruined the quinceañera. I made it weird. I-I-I don't know why I-
Amy: She was high. She told me.
Jonah: Ah.
Amy: That was a very nice thing you did. But, uh, for future reference, the next time my child is on drugs, tell me.
Jonah: Got it. I did see Parker snorting cocaine off his Paw Patrol table last week.
Amy: Oh, yeah, no, I knew about that one.

Mateo: Hey, Amy, you've gotta see this video of a deaf kid hearing his mother's voice for the first time.
Amy: Um, I'm okay, thank you.
Mateo: It's really moving, though.
Amy: Just not not right now. [Cheyenne kicks Amy] Ow! Ow! What the hell, Cheyenne?
Cheyenne: Um, uh, I'm sorry. I was just trying something. It didn't work, okay. Sorry, night, okay.
Jonah: You really should've kicked her back.