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Olympics

‘Olympics’

Season 2, Episode 1 - Aired August 19, 2016

When the store holds special events to promote the Olympics, Amy gets the opportunity to meet her Olympic idol, gymnast Missy Jones (Cecily Strong). Meanwhile, Olympic pride prompts Glenn and Mateo to reconsider their patriotism.

Quote from Amy

Missy Jones: I'm sorry, I'm just... I'm not comfortable talking about that part of my life.
Amy: Oh, no, no, no. I'm not... I had your poster on my wall when I was a kid, and, um, I dressed my Barbie like you, and my brother cut it in half, but it wasn't personal. It was... he was just... but he's fine now.
Missy Jones: Amy, right?
Amy: Yeah.
Missy Jones: Take a breath. [both inhale deeply] You are the best in the world at being you.
Amy: Thank you.
Missy Jones: Yeah.
Amy: That's amazing.
Missy Jones: Yeah.
Amy: Your eyes are like lasers.
Missy Jones: I know.

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Quote from Dina

Dina: I'm gonna start by naming the weight lifters.
Missy Jones: No.
Dina: Milen Dobrev.
Missy Jones: This is not...
Dina: Pyrros Dimas.
Missy Jones: ...appropriate.
Dina: Gleb Pisarevskiy.
Missy Jones: Okay.
Dina: Gleb? No way. Lucky.

Quote from Glenn

Glenn: Oh, I just love this coffeemaker. It's the best one we sell. Look at that. Made in the USA.
Mateo: Yep. Uh-huh. I see that.
Glenn: You know what I was just thinking about just now? How the United States has... [reads hand]... three of the world's longest rivers and the Grand Canyon in northwestern Arizona.
Mateo: [laughs] It's a beautiful country.
Glenn: [sings] ♪ Oh beautiful ♪ ♪ For spacious skies ♪
Both: ♪ For amber waves of... ♪

Quote from Amy

Amy: She says stuff that should sound cheesy, but, coming out of her mouth, it's, like, magical. They say people shouldn't meet their heroes, but I'm really glad I did.
Jonah: I once paid $200 to have lunch with Terry Gross... from NPR, and she was on her phone the entire time.
Amy: When I was 16, I was trying to get a ride to the mall. When she was 16, she was competing in the Olympics. That's, like, Cheyenne's age.
Cheyenne: Oh, I'm 17, actually.
Amy: So, younger than Cheyenne, and she was already a gold medal winner.
Jonah: $200, and I picked up the check. I'm just saying, the woman makes conversation for a living.
Amy: I can't imagine being 16 and having accomplished so much.
Woman: Is this gonna take much longer?
Cheyenne: I don't know, okay? I'm sorry that I'm not a stupid gold medalist! [storms off]
Woman: My daughter's getting married today. To a lesbian.
Jonah: Ah.

Quote from Amy

Cheyenne: I've spent the last few weeks watching people my age be the best in the world, and I'm barely getting through summer school.
Amy: Cheyenne, you're just overwhelmed, okay? With school and... and I remember what it was like having to take all those child-birthing classes and the CPR classes and breastfeeding class...
Cheyenne: [sobs] I haven't been taking any of those!
Amy: Um, okay, Cheyenne? Hey! Hey, hey! Look at me. Take a deep breath. [both inhale, exhale deeply] You are the best in the world at being you.
Cheyenne: Is that from the poster in Glenn's office?
Amy: It was better when Missy did it. Okay, let me try it again.

Quote from Glenn

Glenn: Hey! Look what I found over in menswear. A good old pair of American blue jeans pants.
Jonah: Hey, lookin' good.
Mateo: So casual.
Glenn: Good luck getting a pair of these babies in "Ma-nai-la."

Quote from Mateo

Mateo: [on the phone] [speaking native language] ...green card [speaking native language] counterfeit? [speaking native language] American citizen? [speaking native language] Spider-Man... [speaking native language] Netflix.

Quote from Cheyenne

Missy Jones: I want to show you something, okay? See this? This looks like a stupid person wrote it, right? Well, it was me when I was five. I wrote that, and I put it on my wall, and I worked towards it every day, because there's nothing you can't do if you work hard, focus, and believe in yourself.
Cheyenne: Wow, that is so cool.
Missy Jones: It's very cool.
Cheyenne: Can I touch it?
Missy Jones: Yeah, absolutely, it's just a card. It's not magic. 'Cause guess where the real magic is?
Cheyenne: Is it in me?
Missy Jones: Yeah, bingo. It's in you. And it's not real. Magic isn't real. It's tricks. Done by a liar. Remember that.

Quote from Amy

Missy Jones: I have to go. I am appearing at the opening of a motorcycle dealership.
Amy: Oh. You're leaving already? Maybe we could, like, trade numbers and...
Missy Jones: Oh, hey. We're not gonna do that.
Amy: Okay.
Missy Jones: Yeah.
Amy: I get it. Bye.

Quote from Cheyenne

Amy: Oh, my God, isn't she so amazing?
Cheyenne: Yeah. Thank you so much for this. I just haven't been believing in myself. I'm gonna find a card, write my dream down, and make it come true.
Amy: Good for you.
Cheyenne: I'm gonna quit school and become an Olympic gymnast. [crashes into chair]

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