Glenn: Okay, I didn't believe him at first, so I checked. Did you know that your social security number belongs to a Polish woman from Buffalo? So, unless your name is Nadia Kedzierski, we have a problem.
Mateo: Oh, this isn't my social security number. [laughs] Must've got put in wrong.
Glenn: Oh, okay. Well, I'm relieved to hear that. So, if you could just enter your real one.
Mateo: I don't think you're supposed to give out-
Glenn: Okay, Mateo, I'm not kidding. [Mateo writes] Okay, well, that's only five numbers, like a zip code. Um, you need four more.
Mateo: Uh, it's, uh, the last four, uh, is, um, two...
Glenn: Two.
Mateo: Nine.
Glenn: Nine.
Mateo: Nine.
Glenn: Nine.
Mateo: Nine.
Glenn: Okay, I'll just run this through E-Verify. Thanks.

Amy: Ugh. Can you believe these are the idiots who lead this company?
Jonah: Not exactly the best and brightest.
Amy: And they get paid ten times as much as us. And they get better benefits and free aroma-therapy diffusers. They don't even have to pay for their aroma-therapy diffusers. How is that fair?
Jonah: Maybe you should be a manager.
Amy: Yeah, right?
Jonah: Why not? I mean, they have those training seminars. They love bragging about how they promote from within. And like you said, these people are not rocket scientists.
Amy: I'm a single mom, and I just had a second baby. It's not exactly the best time to make a big life change.
Jonah: Ah. When is?

Glenn: Mateo, could we talk?
Mateo: Sure.
Glenn: So, I ran your social security number-
Mateo: Okay, look, I know it's-
Glenn: And it checked out.
Mateo: It did?
Glenn: Yep, it did.
Mateo: So, that's... that?
Glenn: Merry Christmas, Mateo.
Cheyenne: You've been legal this whole time? How much attention do you need?

Amy: I can't wait to get in to our room and take a long, hot bath.
Jonah: Yeah, mm-hmm. Maybe I'll join you.
Amy: Ooh, maybe. Although, I really would rather just take it by myself, if that's okay...
Jonah: Oh, yeah no. I already took a shower this morning anyway.

Denise: I don't see Amy Sosa or Jonah Simms on the list.
Jonah: Oh, check under Glenn Sturgis. He gave us his tickets.
Denise: I'm sorry, the tickets are non-transferable.
Amy: Uh, where does it say that?
Denise: Right here on the ticket.
Jonah: Oh, look at that. Not even in fine print, just right there in big, bold letters.

Jonah: [Southern accent] So, Chien and I were just talking about a $15 minimum wage. How y'all feel about that?
Ted: Ask me, the floor workers are barely worth 15 bucks a week.
Kent: Don't even get me started. "Pay us more. Give us more hours. I'm on food stamps." It's endless.
Jonah: Yeah, tho those guys, huh?
Both: Ugh.
Amy: They really should let us kill one of those entitled brats each year. You know, just to keep us sane.
Kent: That's exactly what they should do.
Ted: That's a good idea.
Amy: Ugh, I hate them so much.
Jonah: These are funny jokes.

Dina: We need to fortify these two weak spots with tape.
Garrett: The whole thing is tape at this point.
Dina: Just do it, it's not like society's in a tape shortage. Oh, this is a good, long piece, yeah. Oh, no you've taped my hand to the gift.
Garrett: Hmm?

Woman: Would you like an iPad?
Amy: You mean, to buy?
Woman: No, they're free.
Amy: You're just you're just offering to give me an iPad?
Woman: Well, not just you. All the managers.
Amy: Well, I am a manager. I am Chien Mon Koh.
Woman: That's fine, take one.
Amy: Okay, then, I will take this iPad.
Woman: Go right ahead.
Amy: I'm gonna go now.
Woman: Okay.
Amy: [whispers] Oh, my God, I can't believe they're just giving out iPads.
Jonah: Yeah, you played that very cool, by the way.

Amy: Wait a second. Is everybody in a green polo just giving away free stuff?
Jonah: I guess. You know what they're also giving out for free? Nice hotel rooms with bathrobes and room service.
Amy: Yes, yes. We should go.
Jonah: Great.
Amy: I'm just gonna go get one of those fancy wine openers real quick.
Jonah: Amy- Chien!

Amy: Oh, yes. This is perfect for Aspen. I go once a year. It's just gotten really overrun by tourists recently.
Jonah: What's going on here?
Amy: Just trying on these $300 coats they're giving away.
Jonah: Ah.
Amy: He'll take one too.
Jonah: That's okay, I don't need a woman's coat.
Amy: Well, you can take one for your 15-year-old daughter, Emma.
Jonah: I'll take one coat, please. By the way, speaking of free things, it's an open bar.
Amy: Oh.