Amy: Hey, um, can I just say, it's... it's really cool to have a woman district manager. I mean, it's about time, right?
Laurie: Thank you. Well, I had to have sex with a lot of board members to get here, so... I'm kidding. [laughs]
Amy: No, I didn't... I mean, I wouldn't... Anyway, uh, if I can, you know, give you a hand with anything, let me know.
Laurie: Oh, actually, you know what? I would love some help with some of these personnel details.
Amy: Oh, uh, yeah. Okay, sure. Arby's has the meats, but Amy's got the deets. I'm sorry. That was weird.
Laurie: That was weird.

Jonah: So out of the blue, she just decided to fire Myrtle?
Amy: Exactly. Yeah, that's exactly what happened.
Jonah: There has to be a reason.
Amy: Well, I don't know. I just met her. I don't know what's inside of her mind.
Jonah: I think you do know.
Amy: Okay, fine. I might have mentioned that Myrtle is not very good at her job.
Jonah: What? Why would you say that?
Amy: Because she asked me about Myrtle.
Jonah: So you led with, "Myrtle's not good at her job"?
Amy: No, I led with, "She's very sweet, and she's not very good at her job." I don't know. We were bonding. Are we gonna stand around and just point fingers, or are you gonna help me fix this?
Jonah: I was thinking we could point fingers for a few more minutes.

Amy: We can find those savings. I just cut my own home budget down simply by going to the library when I need the Internet, so if we do it, can she keep her job?
Laurie: Sure, yeah. Give it a try.
Jonah: All right.
Amy: Thank you.
Jonah: Tinkerbell.
Amy: I don't know where she heard that.

Skipper Sailes: Excuse me, young lady. Do you have any sugar? My coffee is black with an 80% chance of cream.
Myrtle: There you go.
Glenn: Oh, my goodness. Myrtle, look. Isn't that Channel 4 weatherman Skipper Sailes in our very store?
Myrtle: I don't know. I watch Channel 5 with Craig Moeller.
Glenn: Oh. O-okay. I could have sworn you said Channel 4.
Skipper Sailes: Hey, it's cool. Craig's great. Really good at what he does.
Myrtle: Craig's the best.
Skipper Sailes: So, uh, Glenn, maybe you can just reimburse me for the coffee now.
Glenn: Yeah, later.
Skipper Sailes: Yeah, it's just otherwise, I need to submit it to the station as a...
Glenn: I said later, Skipper Sailes!

Laurie: I have a quick question about the shrink reports.
Dina: Sure, shoot.
Laurie: Do you wanna put the box down?
Dina: No, it's light.
Laurie: Okay. Uh, well, it says that shrink accounted for, like, 1.4% of total sales last month. But at the same time, the regional average actually dropped.
Dina: Mm... Mm-hmm.
Laurie: Now, starting in the month of... Hang on. August...
Dina: Just ask the question! So sorry. I, uh... hoo! Just have to, uh, use the restroom. So maybe we can discuss that later.
Laurie: Okay, great. You know what? I have to go too, so I'll tag along.
Dina: [chuckles] Great. That's great. Just, uh, follow me this way.
Laurie: You're bringing the kettlebells to the bathroom?
Dina: Yes, I am. They help me.

Jonah: Okay, if we got rid of break room coffee, we would save another $300 a year.
Amy: Great, let's take it. That would put us over $8,000.
Garrett: Hey, you guys taking the coffee?
Jonah: If we don't find enough budget cuts to cover her salary, Laurie is gonna fire Myrtle.
Garrett: Oh.
Justine: What? Are you kidding?
Mateo: Wait, why would she fire Myrtle?
Amy: Nobody knows. It's just random.

Glenn: Myrtle, you've been with us a long time. And all good things must come to an end. Myrtle, I am trying to talk to you.
Myrtle: Oh, I'm sorry. I... I just like looking at the trucks. I always wanted to drive one of those.

Marcus: You're a good man.
Glenn: Look how good she's doing. [crashing sound] [metal scraping] Oh, that's my car. That's what I get for parking outside the lines.

Sandra: So you've never even been to Denver?
Laurie: No, why do people keep asking me that?

Myrtle: Whoo! That was the best day ever!
Glenn: Oh, I'm so glad! Myrtle, you're fired. I feel terrible. Whoo, best day ever! Come on! Best day! Best day.