Jonah Quote #589
Jeff: Sorry, here's what I'd like to do. I'd just like to take a walk around. Observe how things work. We'll meet later and discuss ways that we can all improve.
Amy: Oh, sorry, did you just say, "we can all improve"? 'Cause none of this happened because we weren't doing our jobs well.
Jeff: Sure, but... everything is a two-way street.
Amy: Yeah, but... some things are just... one-way streets.
Jonah: You need both, you know? One-way streets are useful in terms of traffic flow... [off Amy's look] whereas I lost track of the point I was trying to make.
Quote from Dina
Jonah: Look, all I'm saying is with a little effort it's not that hard to get people to like you.
Dina: I really don't care if people like me.
Jonah: Okay, but... don't you find it hard being a boss to people... that resent you? [employees snicker]
Dina: You do raise a good point.
Dina: I watch a lot of Dog Whisperer DVDs and it's always easier to train a bitch who enjoys your scent.
Jonah: That's exactly what I meant.
Quote from Dina
Dina: [clears throat] "Dear everyone, from the bottom of my heart I'm sorry that you are mad at me. I only acted the way the way I did because I'm a very loyal person and I can't empathize with people who are self-centered traitors. If I could go back in time I would do the exact same thing. I consider this matter closed now." Huh?
Jonah: Great. Great, uh... lotta great stuff in there. I just have a few notes. Tiny stuff. Maybe it could be a little more personal.
Dina: Sounds great. Write it up.
Quote from Health Fund
Amy: Okay, so in the first four hours, you've managed to commit us to $37,000.
Jonah: The claims just kept coming, and, you know, it's like that opening in Star Wars where the words zoom past you. And at first it's cool, but eventually you just can't keep up.
Amy: Wait, Sandra alone has asthma, rheumatoid arthritis, sciatica, fibromyalgia, leaky gut syndrome... This just keeps going.
Jonah: We just got to keep signing people up. That's all, okay? If we get everybody in the backroom to sign up then that will pay for these people. And then we can go to other branches and then that will pay for the backroom...
Amy: [gasps] This is a pyramid scheme.
Quote from Election Day
Jonah: Not to put my head in the lion's mouth, but now I'm thinking Times New Roman.
Amy: [sighs] Times New Roman would be a fine font, Jonah, and so would Helvetica and Garamond, and really any font would be just fine.
Jonah: Not Wingdings.
Amy: No one was suggesting Wingdings.