[A blind violinist approaches Jerry, George, Elaine and Kramer on the subway]
George: I can't carry any changes in these pants, it falls out.
Violin player: Thank you.
George: That guy is not blind.

Jerry: So, can I convince anybody to come down to Coney Island with me? I got to pick up my car at the pound. George?
George: I can't believe they actually found your stolen car.
Jerry: Not only did they find it. It was simonized and the front end was aligned.
George: That's amazing.

Woman: I started riding these trains in the forties. Those days, a man would give up their seat for a woman. Now we're liberated and we have to stand.
Elaine: It's ironic.
Women: What's ironic?
Elaine: This. That we've come all this way, we have made all this progress, but you know we've lost the little things, the niceties.
Woman: No, I mean what does 'ironic' mean?
Elaine: Oh.

Jerry: You realize of course, you're naked?
Man: Naked, dressed. I don't see any difference.
Jerry: You ought to sit here. There is a difference.
Man: You got something against the naked body?
Jerry: I got something against yours. How about a couple of deep knee bends? Maybe some squat thrusts?
Man: Who's got time for squat thrusts?
Jerry: All right, how about skipping breakfast. I'm guessing you're not a 'half-grapefruit and black coffee' guy.
Man: I like a good breakfast.
Jerry: I understand, I like good breakfast. Long as you don't wind up trapped in a room with bib overalls and pigtails, being counseled by Dick Gregory.
Man: I'm not ashamed of my body.
Jerry: Exactly. That's your problem. You should be. [the man drops half his newspaper] Don't get up. Please, allow me.

George: [inner monologue] Make myself comfortable. What does that mean? Does she want me to take my clothes off? Is she taking her clothes off? What if I take my clothes off and she still has hers' on? Then I'd really look like an idiot. She could get offended and leave. So maybe I should leave them on, but what then if she takes her off? Then she'll feel humiliated. "Make yourself comfortable." I got this unbelievable woman and this 'comfortable'-thing could ruin me. I got it! I'll take my shoes off and sit on the bed. There, that's comfortable. She can't accuse me of being uncomfortable.
[The woman comes out of the bathroom wearing a nightie]
George: Gotta tell you I'm pretty comfortable.

Kramer: Oh yeah, it's all set. They got the bug boy on it.
Man: The bug boy?
Kramer: Yeah, the little fella's been riding his heart out. They're gonna break his maiden.
Man: Really? But, it's a little bit slow out there. It rained last night.
Kramer: Oh, this baby loves the slop. Loves it, eats it up. Eats the slop. Born in the slop. His father was a mudder.
Man: His father was a mudder?
Kramer: His mother was a mudder.
Man: His mother was a mudder?
Kramer: What did I just say?

Man: They still have no pitching. Goodin's a question mark. You don't recover from those rotator cuffs so fast.
Jerry: I'm not worried about their best pitching. They got pitching. They got no hitting.
Man: No hitting? They got hitting! Bonilla, Murry. They got no defence.
Jerry: Defense? Please. ... They need speed.
Man: Speed? They got Coleman. They need a bullpen.
Jerry: Franco's no good? They got no team leaders.
Man: They got Franco! What they need is a front office.
Jerry: But you gotta like their chances.
Man: I love their chances.
Jerry: Tell you what. If they win the pennant this year, I'll sit naked with you at the World Series.
Man: It's a deal!

Elaine: [inner monologue] Gee, why couldn't I take a cab? For 6 dollars my whole life could've changed. What is that on my leg? I'll never get out of here. What if I'm here for the rest of my life? Maybe I'll get out in 5 seconds. 1 banana, 2 banana, 3 banana, 4 banana, 5 banana... No, I'm still here! Still here! When will they start moving? Move! Move! Move! [train starts moving, lights come on] It's moving! It's moving! Yes! Yes! [train stops again and lights go off] Mother[bleep]!

George: Gee, I hope you have the key for these things.
Woman: Oh, don't worry. I do. [goes to bathroom]
George: You know, my mother used to walk around on our apartment just in her bra and panties. She didn't look anything like you, she was really disgusting, really bad body. If you could imagine uglier and fatter version of Shirley Booth. Remember Shirley Booth in Hazel? Really embarrassing, cause you know I had only mother in the whole neighborhood who was worse looking than Hazel. Imagine the taunts I would hear.
Woman: [o.s.] Like what?
George: Like a "Hey, your mother is uglier than Hazel." Or "Hazel really puts your mother to shame."

Jerry: No, I never got the car. We were having such a good time, by the time I got to the police garage, it was closed.
Elaine: Too bad.
Jerry: You wouldn't believe what this guy put away at Nathan's. Look at what we won! [holds a stuffed monkey] You want him?
Elaine: Get that out of my face.
Jerry: So, you missed the wedding. You'll catch the bris!