Captain: Well, Mr. Kramer, your list of short cuts is most impressive.
Kramer: Yeah, and this is just the Upper West Side. Wait until I get to the Village, then you're gonna see a magic show.
Captain: Mr. Kramer, just about every week some brash young hothead like yourself saunters in here talking about faster routes and snazzier colors for the trucks. The fact is, we feel things are fine the way they are.

J. Peterman: Look, there's a man in there. Get out of there, you're in danger!
Man: But my sleeve, it's stuck in the machine, it ate my card!
J. Peterman: George, give me your ATM card!
George: I don't have my ATM card.
J. Peterman: George, you're obviously lying. Anyone can see that! [takes George's card] It's jammed! I'll slide it under the door.
Man: Now give me your code!
George: What?! Why?
Man: The machine won't open without the code!
J. Peterman: George, give him your code!
George: But I-I-I-
J. Peterman: George, there's no time! Tell him your code! Shout out your code, man!
Man: The code! The code!

George: Have you ever given your code to anyone?
Jerry: No one's ever asked. You want it? It's "Jor-El."
George: Superman's father on Krypton.
Jerry: Of course.

George: What's the matter with your leg?
Jerry: My foot fell asleep.
George: How'd your foot fall asleep?
Jerry: I crossed my legs, I forgot to alternate.

Elaine: Did you hear that? He said, "Nice to meet you."
Jerry: So?
Elaine: So? We've met before. At Katie Ash's party, we talked for like ten minutes.
Jerry: And he didn't remember you? [gets up to leave]
Jerry: Where are you going, you just got here?
Elaine: I gotta go talk to him.

Elaine: You just said, "Nice to meet you", but actually we've met before.
Fred: We have?
Elaine: Yeah, at Katie Ash's party?
Fred: What was your name again?
Elaine: Elaine. You don't remember our conversation? I talked about how my uncle worked in the book depository building with Lee Harvey Oswald?
Fred: Not ringing a bell.
Elaine: When my uncle said to him, "The president's been shot", Oswald winked at him and said, "I'm gonna go catch a movie"?
Fred: Mmm, no.
Elaine: That was right when we were in front of the bathroom door.
Fred: The bathroom door. I remember someone had played tic-tac-toe on it, and the X's won. They went diagonally from the top left to the bottom right.

Elaine: So, get a load of this. This guy, Fred Yerkes, remembers every little thing about that night except me.
Jerry: Really? I'm surprised. He doesn't meet that many women.
Elaine: What are you saying?
Jerry: Well, what's to be said? He didn't remember you.
Elaine: Yeah, but why? I mean, you know.
Jerry: I know.
Elaine: You know?
Jerry: Yeah, I know.

Elaine: Huh, you got the new catalog.
Jerry: Yeah, you wrote a good piece on the Himalayan Walking Shoe.
Elaine: Too good. Peterman was so pleased, now he wants to take me out to dinner tomorrow. Maybe you wanna come with me.
Jerry: Why would I wanna do that?
Elaine: Oh, please, Jerry. Please, please, please, I can't sit with him. He tells these stories. It's gonna be awful.
Jerry: Yeah, sounds like fun.

Jerry: How about this, "Come on down to Leapin' Larry's. If you can beat our prices, we'll give you the store."
Leapin' Larry: You know, I've always liked your comedy, you don't take cheap shots.
Jerry: No, I don't.
Leapin' Larry: Sorry for keeping you here so long. Again, I apologize for the mess. This renovation is killing me.
Jerry: [to himself] My foot's asleep again!
[As Leapin' Larry gets up and walks away from the desk, he has a pronounced limp]
Leapin' Larry: When I lost my leg in the boating accident, I got so depressed about this damn prosthetic, I thought I was gonna have to give up the business. But now I'm rejuvenated. Let me show you around the store.
Jerry: You know what? I'll be with you in a minute.
[As Jerry stands and begins to 'walk off' his sleeping foot, a Leapin' Larry's employee begins laughing]
Woman: That is a great impression!
[Larry returns and looks disappointed]
Jerry: Larry, wait, you don't understand!

Kramer: I just came from Leapin' Larry's. Making fun of crippled people, is that what you've sunk to?
Jerry: No, I didn't do it on purpose. My foot fell asleep.
Kramer: Oh. Oh, your foot fell asleep.
Jerry: You know, the guy has one leg and he still calls himself Leapin' Larry, you'd think he had a sense of humor about it.
Kramer: Well, you just joked yourself right out of that commercial, didn't you, munjamba?