George: So, I am afraid that I am going to have to break up with you.
Noel: You're breaking up with me?
George: I... am breaking up with you.
Noel: Wow.
George: Shocked?
Noel: I really am.
George: Never expected this did you?
Noel: I thought everything was fine.
George: Well, live and learn.
Noel: I don't understand. You're breaking up with me. Didn't we have fun doing the crossword puzzles?
George: Kind of.
Noel: I'm very confused.
George: Well, I didn't mean to hurt you kid.

Noel: What do you want? I know can make you happy.
George: When... When you're playing the piano, do you think about me?
Noel: I don't know.
George: Well, this is what I'm talking about.
Noel: Okay, I'll think about you.
George: All the time.
Noel: All the time?
George: You know...
Noel: Okay, All the time.
George: I can't hear you.
Noel: All the time!
George: See, it's not so hard.

Kramer: You know the way you smell when you first come home from the beach? Well, I want to make a cologne that captures the essence of that smell. Oh, yeah.
Steve: That is the dumbest idea I have ever heard.
Kramer: Oh, wait. Did you hear what I just said?
Steve: You think people are going to pay $80 a bottle to smell like dead fish and sea weed? That's why people take showers when the come home from the beach. It's an objectionable, offensive odor.
Kramer: So you don't think it's a good idea?

Kramer: Hey.
Jerry: Hey.
Kramer: Is this the interference?
Jerry: Intervention.
Man: What are you doing here?
Kramer: Uh, is it all right if I stay for the intervention?
Steve: Hey, this is for close friends only.
Kramer: I'm a friend. Who do you think told him to pour the Gatorade over Marty Benson's head?
Man: Let him stay.

Old Guy: We're having a party here?
Jerry: No, we're having an intervention.
Old Guy: An intervention? Who's intervening?
Jerry: There's a friend of ours on drugs and we're going to confront him.
Old Guy: Sure, we used to do that when one of our polar bears stopped coming. We would go to his house and say, "What you don't want to be a polar bear anymore? It's too cold for you?"

Jerry: Well, you're looking well.
George: Jerry, let me tell you something. A man without hand is not a man. I got so much hand I'm coming out of my gloves. I got to thank Kramer.

Steve: Even if I were dragged through manure, I still wouldn't put that stuff on.
George: [about Kramer] This man is a genius. Genius!
Steve: You think so?
George: I don't think so, I know so.

Old Guy: The male kangaroo doesn't have a pouch only the female has it. The male has pouch envy.
Elaine: [chuckles]
Old Guy: "Why should she have this huge pouch and I have nothing? I have things to carry too. At least give me a pocket."
Elaine: [laughs]
[As Elaine laughs, Noel turns to Elaine. Elaine tries to cover it with a cough.]
Noel: That laugh. That's the laugh. That's it. You're the one.
Elaine: No, no. It was an accident. It really wasn't my fault. It was Jerry. Jerry put a PEZ dispenser on my leg.
Noel: You put a PEZ dispenser on her leg during my recital?
Jerry: I didn't know she would laugh.
Noel: And you, you lied to me George, you lied to me.
George: No, I, uh... Um... Wh- Wh- What did I do?
Noel: I ... am breaking up with you!
George: You can't break up with me. I've got hand.
Noel: And you're going to need it.

Jerry: So we start the intervention. And it was pretty ugly from the get go. He's not listening, he's hostile, he's talking back.
George: I can't do these puzzles.
Jerry: So he starts to get up... Suddenly, he spots the Pez dispenser on the coffee table.
George: [chuckles] The Pez dispenser.
Jerry: He picks it up. He stares at it. It's like he's hypnotized by it. Then he's telling us this story about how, when he was a kid, he was in the car with his father, and his father was trying to load one of them.
George: Well, they're hard to load.
Jerry: Tell me something I don't know. So as the father's trying to load it, he loses control of the car and it crashes into a high school cafeteria. Nobody's hurt but Pez is all over the car. And the dispenser was destroyed virtually beyond recognition.
George: Poor kid.
Jerry: So as he's telling the story he starts crying.
George: What did you do?
Jerry: What do you think? I gave him my PEZ dispenser.
George: Wow.
Jerry: Two hours later, he checks into Smither's clinic. I talked to the doctor yesterday. He's doing great on the rehab. He's hooked on PEZ. He's eating them like there's no tomorrow.
George: What's a three letter word for candy?
Jerry: I can't do those things.