George: Uh-huh. Why didn't she like me?
Jerry: Not everybody likes everybody!
George: I tried to be nice. I wasn't nice?
Jerry: You were very nice!
George: I bent over backwards for that woman! Is it because of that thing I said about her sister?
Jerry: It has nothing to do with her sister.
George: I don't even know her sister. But believe me, if she's getting traffic tickets, she's not that good-looking!

George: No one hails a cab like me. My hailing technique is unmatched. I get the wrist going from side to side and boom! Cabs are crashing into themselves to just pick me up. [a cab stops] All right, here we go. Let me get door. Feminists aside, I know women like the door holding. Here we are. All righty. Okay. Jodi, let's get together again real soon and say hello to your sister for me.
Jodi: You've never met.
George: Whatever. Believe me, babe, if I wasn't involved right now, I wouldn't mind being set up. Something tells me she's a knockout. [waves]

George: So I lugged that table. That big heavy massage table all the way down to the cab! You ever seen one of those things?
Karen: Of course.
George: Well, I don't know. Maybe you haven't. You know, not everybody's seen a massage table.
Karen: What, do you think I've never had a massage before?
George: Anyway, I don't even get a thank you. I don't get it!
Karen: George, frankly, I'm getting a little tired of hearing about her.
George: I wanna know what I did to this woman.
Karen: What, you got a little thing for her?
George: No, no! She's going out with a friend of mine. It's only courteous that we should try and like each other.
Karen: What difference does it make? Who cares if she doesn't like you? Does everybody in the world have to like you?
George: Yes! Yes! Everybody has to like me. I must be liked!

George: You know what? I should really go talk to her. Nothing confrontational. Just two adults sitting down trying to clear the air. I just know if I could spend some time alone with her. I've got to. [grabs his jacket] I've got to.
Karen: You're going now?
George: I think I can still catch her.
Karen: All right, George. I have had just about enough of this.
George: What? What are you talking about.
Karen: I am talking about you and Jodi. You're completely obsessed with her!
George: I know. I know.
Karen: Who is more important to you, her or me? I like you, she doesn't. Who are you gonna pick?
George: [ponders for a moment] I'm sorry, Karen. I know I care for you, but I just can't stand when someone doesn't like me. [goes to the door]
Karen: Well, now I hate you!
George: That I'm used to

George: Jerry, could you excuse us for a few minutes, please?
Jerry: What for?
George: We need to talk.
Jerry: You need to talk?
Jodi: We have nothing to talk about.
George: Look, it's no secret what's going on between us. [to Jerry] She doesn't like me. Now, Jerry, if you don't mind.
Jerry: George, anything you have to say to her, you can say in front of me.
George: [turns to Jerry] Jerry, this woman hates me so much. I'm starting to like her.
Jerry: What?
George: She just dislikes me so much. It's irresistible.
Jerry: I can see that.

[stand-up:]
Jerry: The Swedish are very big massagers. You know, they like the Swedish meatballs, the Swedish massage. They like having meat in their hands, these people. For some reason. But it's weird because they have one of the highest suicide rates. They're always rubbing each other's necks all the time. For a neutral country, they seem kind of tense. I don't really like the idea of getting a professional massage. I don't want people touching me that don't know me and don't want to have sex with me. You know, what are you bothering me for? You've getting me all loosened up, juices flowing, and then, "That's it. Okay, you're done." It's like having chocolate rubbed all over your face. You wanna go, "Excuse me. I think you missed a spot."

Elaine: The whole city is talking about this monster Joel Rifkin, and I am dating a Joel Rifkin.
Jerry: But you like your Joel Rifkin.
Elaine: Yeah. I just wish he has a different name.
Jerry: Ask him to change it.
Elaine: You can't ask a person to change their name.
Jerry: Why not?
Elaine: Would you change yours?
Jerry: If someone asked me nicely. I'm Claude Seinfeld.

Elaine: Hey, how many people did Rifkin strangle? Eighteen?
Jerry: Yeah. Eighteen strangles.
Kramer: Yeah, well, you know why Rifkin was a serial killer? Because he was adopted. [grabs kitchen roll] Just like Son of Sam was adopted. So apparently adoption leads to serial killing. [leaves]
Elaine: You know, Joel and I have an extra ticket to the Giants game.
Kramer: [returns] I'll go.
Elaine: Okay. I'll leave the ticket for you at will call.
Kramer: Yeah! Ooh! [leaves again]

Jerry: I strained my neck last night.
Jodi: Really, how?
Jerry: Well, I tried brushing my teeth by holding the brush and moving my head from side to side. It didn't work.

Jodi: So what's the deal with your friend George?
Jerry: No deal. Why?
Jodi: What was all that "attractive women not getting tickets" nonsense?
Jerry: He was just showcasing his non-date personality.
Jodi: I don't know how you can hang out with that guy.
Jerry: Yeah. Sometimes he really makes me tense. [puts Jodi's hand on his shoulder]
Jodi: Did you see the way that he was eating?
Jerry: Yeah, he's disgusting. [puts her hand back]
Jodi: I have to tell you, I really don't like him.
Jerry: Yeah, me either. [places her other hand onto his other shoulder]
Jodi: It's just I hate that type.
Jerry: Yeah, he's a bad seed.
Jodi: Now you however, you, I like. [stops massaging and kisses Jerry]
Jerry: What are you doing?
Jodi: What do you think I'm doing?